Miley Cyrus continues her massive press tour to alienate the entire world today, with a just-dropped cover of Rolling Stone, upon which she is naked. She is also topless in almost all of the photos inside the magazine. Of course.
The accompanying interview is replete with what has now become Cyrus’ rather particular brand of outrageous obliviousness, self-mythologizing and brazen ego. She’s like Lady Gaga smashed together with Kanye West with a sprinkle of twerking!
…Oh, and a shitload of name dropping. In fact, most of the interview is just Cyrus pointing out which famous people really admire her as an artist–and then quoting them. Let’s begin.
1. First off, one of the Baldwins fucking loves her. She just doesn’t remember which, though:
“People get tattoos of the most fucked-up shit,” Miley says. “Did you know Alec Baldwin has Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed on him? No, wait – Stephen Baldwin. He said he was my biggest fan, and I told him my biggest fans have tattoos. So he got hm tattooed on his shoulder.” She shakes her head. “People do fucked-up shit.”
2. She’s a reckless driver but whatever:
“[Neighbor Steve Carrell] always gives me the stank-eye because I drive so fast,” Miley says. “The other day I was trying to reverse and I almost hit a thousand things, and I was getting nervous because I could see him going” – she crosses her arms and lets out a big, annoyed sigh. “I’m like, oh, my God, Dan in Real Life is watching me right now!”
3. She insists her now-infamous VMAs performance was totally toned down:
“Honestly, that was our MTV version,” she says. “We could have even gone further, but we didn’t. I thought that’s what the VMAs were all about! It’s not the Grammys or the Oscars. You’re not supposed to show up in a gown, Vanna White-style” – a little dig at Taylor Swift. “It’s supposed to be fun!”
4. If Miley Cyrus wants to be sexy at the VMAs, she’d be sexy at the VMAs:
“I wasn’t trying to be sexy. If I was trying to be sexy, I could have been sexy. I can dance a lot better than I was dancing.”
5. And Kanye West approves of her, so you can fuck right off:
Kanye West had seen her rehearsals and wanted to talk to her before she went onstage [at the VMAs]. ”He came in and goes, ‘There are not a lot of artists I believe in more than you right now,’” she recalls. “The whole room went quiet. I was like, ‘Yo – can you say that again?!’” She laughs. “I just kept repeating that over and over in my mind, and it made me not nervous.”
5 1/2. No. Seriously. She’s really good friends with Kanye:
The next day he sent a text: “He said, ‘I still can’t quit thinking about your performance,’” Miley says. She also happened to mention that a pair of fur Céline slippers she’d bought were falling apart, and Kanye bought her five more pairs. “Kanye is the shit,” she says. “I kind of have a good relationship with him now. It’s good to have someone you can call and be like, ‘Yo, do you think I should wear this?’ ‘Do you think I should go in the studio with this guy?’ ‘Do you think this is cool?’ That’s what homies are supposed to do.”
6. As Kanye is to Miley Cyrus, Miley Cyrus is to Justin Bieber:
Parked next to us is a black Range Rover. “I’m not gonna lie,” she says. “I think that might be Bieber’s.” I ask her if she hangs out with him. “A little bit,” she says. “But not really. I’m not much older than him, so I never want it to feel like I’m mentoring him. But I do mentor him in a way. Because I’ve been doing this shit for a long time, and I already transitioned, and I don’t think he’s quite done it yet.”
7. She’s also friends with Pharrell! And he thought her VMAs performance was awesome, too:
On the way back to L.A., Miley’s phone buzzes. “This is why I love Pharrell so much,” she says, then reads a text that he sent her out loud. It’s at least 1,000 characters long; she scrolls forever. “The VMAs was nothing more than God or the Universe showing you how powerful anything you do is,” he says at one point. “It’s like uranium – it has the power to take over lives or power entire countries. Now that you’ve seen your power, master it.”
“You’re not a train wreck,” he says later. “You’re the train pulling everyone else along.”
8. She’s thin. And she’s over twerking:
“People are like, ‘Miley thinks she’s a black girl, but she’s got the flattest ass ever,’” she says. “I’m like, I’m 108 pounds! I know! Now people expect me to come out and twerk with my tongue out all the time. I’ll probably never do that sh*t again.”
9. She’s heard the criticism about using people of color as props and she’d like to say:
“I don’t keep my producers or dancers around ’cause it makes me look cool. Those aren’t my ‘accessories.’ They’re my homies.”
10. Besides, she’s a regular girl and she’ll even slum it in a Ford Explorer if she has to:
But it was last summer, in Philadelphia, where she really found her new style. She was living there with Hemsworth, who was filming a movie with Harrison Ford. “Best summer ever,” Miley says. ”Have you ever been to South Street in Philly? That’s where I got my first chain. Sixteen bucks – not real,” she says, laughing. “I was away from people for a minute, and I just started feeling my own vibe. I bought a pair of Doc Martens. I shaved my head. Driving a fucking Ford Explorer around. Just blending in.”
On that note, Cyrus actually drives a Maserati Quattroporte.
The interview culminates with Rolling Stone and Cyrus skydiving. Did we mention the story begins with her getting a tattoo? It is all very edgy. On the bright side, at no point does she invoke Trayvon Martin.
Also, she makes a salient point about sexism:
“No one is talking about the man behind the ass. It was a lot of ‘Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,’ but never, ‘Robin Thicke grinds up on Miley.’ They’re only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there’s a double standard.”