Hey, single ladies! You can stop looking! We’ve found you all the perfect match! Meet ‘Sleepless In Austin’ Guy, who’s decided to create a website* focused entirely on finding him a skinny non-black girlfriend (or skinny non-black wife, if possible).
This poor, lonely rich guy briefly explains his goal:
I am 39 years old, (date of birth is 9-18-1974 so that makes me a Virgo) 6′,4″ and 195lbs… I am looking for a girl that has a thin or athletic build. No one over 130lbs. Ages 21 – 41 White, Hispanic, or of European descent…I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl.
Now, wait, let’s delve in a little bit deeper on that about that little “never date a black girl” thing.
I am not a Racist person. In fact I tend to get along much better with Black guys than I do White guys.
Except when he’s completely and utterly racist.
I do not like Black people that listen to [hip hop] music. I do not like Black people that have a criminal record or smoke pot or do any other type of drugs. I do not like Black people that live in the “projects” or live off welfare or food stamps. I do not like Black people that do not have a full time job…And I do not like Black people that don’t speak proper English and pronounce their words correctly…I do not like uneducated Black People. And if you are a Black person that lives in East Austin or up North Austin around the Rundberg area then chances are I probably don’t like you either! So there! haha!!!!!
I am NOT racist. I just do NOT like ignorant, useless, TRASH.
I also don’t like White people that do those same types of things!
And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together.
I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks.
I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.
That would just be pure filth.
So, let’s find out more about our bachelor, shall we? On the painfully difficult to read “About Me” page that looks suspiciously like middle schooler’s AIM profile from 2001, he tells us numerous basic and not-so-basic facts about himself:
Romance is the air I breathe, for without it I surely would die!
Well, actually, considering you are actively seeking romance because you haven’t found it yet, and you are presumably not a zombie, you would not surely die.
The meaning and purpose of life is nothing more than love, for a life without love would be completely meaningless and would cease to have any purpose whatsoever!
Well, that’s not saying much for your life so far, eh?
I am an Artist, Musician, Poet, Composer, Performer, Businessman, I am many things. I am very creative & artistic. I can be accurately described as being both a CEO & a Rockstar all at the same time, both of those perfectly existing in one person, Me. I am a very unique man. There is NOTHING typical, average, normal, or ordinary about me whatsoever!
And besides “being” a slew of things that likely amount to owning an easel and sometimes playing in a jam band, he is also an avid inappropriate capitalizer! Unless he meant he is actually the energy drink “Rockstar,” as opposed to an actual rockstar.
I love music. I have been playing guitar since I was 5 years old. I’ve written and recorded a lot of original songs. My favorite type of songs to write are love songs.
Shock fills me.
I’ve also written a book of love poetry.
I lived in Columbus, Georgia until around the year 2000 when I was around 24 years old.
Then I sold my house there and I moved to Huntington, West Virginia and although I did not like Huntington, WV I lived there until I was about 35 years old.
And then I moved here to Austin, Texas on December 22nd, 2009.
I live in South Austin, right off William Cannon on Bluff Springs Rd.
South Austin, SoCo, Downtown, The Drag, and West Austin are my favorite parts of Austin.
I do not like North Austin or East Austin.
if not, why do you
the fucking space
I believe that 99% of Fox News and mainstream Media is nothing but Lies, Lies and more Lies.
I think that the majority of Americans, along with the rest of the world are brainwashed sheep that are asleep.
Basically, Sleepless In Austin Guy is the absolute worst. Either that, or this was a hilariously well-done troll job by the Internet, which would be both happy and sad (happy because this guy doesn’t exist, sad because somebody spent a ton of time inventing him). In the event this is a real thing, then holy shit.
For the record, while I don’t find this guy attractive, I am not going to do that whole “how can this guy think he deserves such-and-so qualities in women, he’s not hot enough for that!” because I think that whether or not he’s conventionally good looking is a completely irrelevant detail (plus, in this case, it would reinforce the idea that a young, thin white woman is somehow of an inherently superior standard to women of other ages, sizes or races). You shouldn’t feel entitled to talk to or treat people like this, no matter how you look.
Now, on that note, I think we can sum up his whole existence with one last quote:
I do not know how to swim, no one ever taught me.
*His website does not appear to be functional right now, though it was a few hours ago. Embarrassment, perhaps?
UPDATE: A wonderful reader who allegedly knows the man (whose legal name is “Romeo Rose,” though he was born Larry Busby) emailed us regarding this story. To protect her identity, I’m not disclosing how she knows him, but he sounds like a total creep and an exaggerative jerk. Oh, and he apparently dresses like a pirate in a totally non-ironic way (likely because he is such a Pirate Poet?). The perfect sentence she summed it all up with: “Yes, I am a thin white woman, but even if I wasn’t married with 2 kids, I would rather take a white hot poker to my ear than go on a date with him.” Sing it, sister.
Photo: Sleepless In Austin, which is seriously a serious site. Seriously.