Kim Kardashian Almost A Person Again, Now That Her Body Is Nearly Post-Baby

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Tuesday September 24, 2013. Kim Kardashian shows off her post-baby body in a green jumpsuit as she grabs lunch with Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick at Stanley's in Los Angeles.

Life is hard. You toil away for years, climbing professional ladders rung by agonizing rung, trying to make some semblance of a personal life. Maybe you date and have kids but the stress and the suffocating sadness that accompany age will just drive a wedge between you and your loves ones. At a certain point, it just makes more sense to give up. But then…

Then you see someone like Kim Kardashian and you know you have the inner strength to go on.

Kardashian, like Snooki and her primordial brethern, is a living, breathing, unthinking testament to the universal truth that happiness can only be achieved when you are .:thin:. In this way, she is very inspiring. She’s overcome the extreme adversity of child-rearing and there’s finally a light at the end of the tunnel–soon, any month now, she’s going to be grinning blankly up at you from your local newsstand, heralding the proud return of her BIKINI BODY. How did we go so long with it?, you’ll wonder admiringly.

Months later, she will triumphantly display her restored self on the cover of Playboy or perhaps some other gentleman’s magazine that offered more money.

Of course, being famous for whatever reason and having veritable mountains of designer handbags are extremely important in life–but they’re not what really matters. What really matters is fitting into bandage dresses in heavily-Photoshopped Midori ads. Don’t let anyone tell you what to be.

Oh, anyway. Kim Kardashian was spotted grabbing lunch in LA this week with sister Kourtney Kardashian (with husband Scott Disick) and friend Blac Chyna. We hope that she truly enjoyed her salmon with steamed broccoli/grilled chicken salad.

We hope that one day we can be at that table with her.

(Photos via Pacific Coast News)

[Ed. Note: We should probably go scrape some quotes from anonymous sources and "pals" about how Kardashian is having a tough time losing the weight, how she's set a goal of X lbs to lose in X weeks and how she's working out with Tracy Anderson or Harley Pasternak but we didn't feel like getting dumber so just imagine something along the lines of: "She's really self-conscious about her figure post-baby North West," says a source close to Kardashian. "She's been doing dance aerobics with Tracy Anderson for nine hours a day, seven days a week and eating nothing but lean protein, raw kale and and virgins' tears."]

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    • pattya

      you all are always writing solid stories about body shaming and how its bad – but than you go and write an article that does the very thing you condone. peoples bodies are no ones business but their own. kim kardashian makes her money on her figure, she may be frivolous and her family may be ridiculous but it is her body and her livelihood, the sooner she gets her body back the sooner she can get back to work, work that she seems to love. you would have served your readers better by writing a thoughtful piece about the struggle some woman have with getting their post baby body back and how celebrity articles on the topic can make even a secure woman feel badly. in fact i think that is what you were doing but the article just sounds bitter and condescending. poking at someone for having a “good” figure is just as body shaming as poking at someone for not having the “ideal” figure.

      you guys are better than this.

      • T-LexRex

        ” Would have served your readers better by writing a thoughtful piece about the struggle some woman have with getting their post baby body back and how celebrity articles on the topic can make even a secure woman feel badly”

        I am pretty sure that that is what the article is doing, just in a satirical fashion. Just read it out loud and whisper at this part “Don’t let anyone tell you what to be.” you will probably laugh.

      • pattya

        i understand that and acknowledged that in the sentence right after the one you pasted above. i am simply saying that it is unsuccessful satire and that you can’t shame peoples bodies when it suits you. just don’t do it ever.

      • lor

        “LEAVE KIM ALONE!” is all I heard. Honestly, Kim is cancer (no offense to anyone with cancer) and she deserves to be mocked as much as possible. Considering how vain she is, I think she could stand to lose some of her confidence, not silly post-baby pounds. The more attention given to ANY celebrity “needing” to lose weight just perpetuates the problem of tweens and young adults feeling worthless for not being thin. They don’t even have to buy those bullshitty tabloid magazines, they just have to pass by a newsstand and see the cover with a scantily clad waif claiming, “I’m Finally Happy and Successful Because I Look Slammin in a Bikini!”

    • Fabel

      Weirdly, I like this outfit on her, & also the blonde hair? WHAT IS HAPPENING

    • OMG

      Please be the first to write about Kim taking a dump, breathing, flossing her teeth, scratching her ass, etc etc etc, we are all living for her next move and the rubbish you post.

    • Rumionemore

      The shot I saw of her had that enormous butt poked in the camera. Not to be mean, but I lived part-time on my grandparents’ farm, and Kimmie looked like one of their hogs.

      • DC is Evil

        That’s because she is a pig. A pigwhore.

      • Rumionemore

        Well, I think the entire K Clan is getting desperate with their ratings in decline.

      • 35years

        now tell us how you really feel

    • CaoSong

      Did you really just say she’s “almost a person again” because she’s lost her baby-weight? That’s pretty messed up implying she’s not a person cause she gained weight.