7 Items You Should Never Wear After Age 30 Because You Are Old, Dumb And Ugly

ageistWhen you get to be a certain age you start to notice that mainstream media loves telling you what to do. Every year Vogue magazine publishes their “Age Issue” which has style guides for what every woman should wear at a certain age, their twenties, their thirties and so on. If you hit the google machine and enter in “what not to wear after age ___” you are met with many links that will tell you items that women of a certain age should never, ever put on their bodies, lest this causes swarms of locusts to descend upon the earth and anyone who encounters them to have blood start dripping from their eyeballs as they clutch their heads in agony. It’s a whole mess of sartorial ageist bullshit. Here is just a sampling.

From Liz Jones, Who Wants Women Over Age 30 To Avoid Leopard Prints 

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If you are a teenager, a leopard-print chiffon maxi-dress can be knowing and innocent all at the same time. By 30 it should be avoided at all costs, even on a scarf or pair of tights.

I’m sorry, but leopard print is used as a neutral in my wardrobe. You can come steal all of it when I am in the nursing home and too busy playing bridge to notice.

 Charla Krupp Says Women Over 30 Should Never Have A Tattoo 

Via Inked mag

The best-selling author of “How Not To Look Old” says that women over 30 shouldn’t have tattoos. So we should all start saving for tattoo removal?

 Clinton Kelly Says Older Women Should Never Have Long Hair 

old lady long hair

Long hair can look good on anyone as long as it is in good condition, and I totally disagree here.

“I’m here to tell you that after a certain age — let’s say 30 — ultralong styleless hair makes you appear to be desperately hanging onto your youth, or your man or both.”

Or, you know, maybe you just LIKE long hair.

 O Magazine Says Not To Wear Distressed Denim 

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Sadly, Julianne Moore never received this memo and she should be scorned forever for leaving the house like this because she is over the age of 30. EYEROLL.

Modern Mom Says Not To Show Off Cleavage

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“Anything that shows off too much is off-limits. In other words, either boobs or legs not both, please! Or, nix both boobs and legs and show off your sexy shoulders  pick an off the shoulder top that lets your shoulder and cleavage show just a hint.”

Chic Stories Says Women Of A Certain Age Should Never Wear Leather 

And according to this website older women should also:

 Never Wear Bikinis

Courteney Cox in her bikini

Here’s the deal with getting older. If you are lucky enough, it happens to everyone. And what you might vow to never wear past a certain age is going to change completely when you reach that certain age. There are certain rules of style every woman should follow, don’t wear stockings with runs on them out public unless it is on purpose, don’t wear a T-shirt exclaiming “Fuck Religion” when you are attending a baptism, try and not wear sweaters with pudding stains on it when you are interviewing for a job. But these go for all women, regardless of age.

Due to amazing projects like Ari Seth Cohen‘s gorgeous Advanced Stye blog (and coffee table book! And coloring book! And upcoming documentary!) we have started to appreciate how beautiful and stylish seniors can be. But we still tend to age-shame those betwixt the twenty-year-olds and the elderly, like the worst thing a woman can do after age thirty is go sleeveless. I know how to dress myself. I know what looks good on me. I have been around the block a few times and know not to wear a tutu to the grocery store. I’m a grownass woman. Please start treating me like one.

(Images: Wenn, Tumblr)

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    • StephC12

      I would totally rock a tutu if I had one.

      • DreaTheGreat

        I will wear a tutu to the grocery store if it damn well pleases me. Even if I am 60. I dont even get why anyone has to listen to anyone about what not to wear.

    • LynnKell

      Such stupid “rules”. Is like that old rule that if you’re no longer 15 yrs old you can’t wear a mini skirt. Fuck that rule, I feel way more comfortable with my legs and my skin (I used to have bad eczemas all over my legs) now that I’m 23. (I know I’m not old, like at all, but at 15 I was so uncomfortable because of my red and blotchy skin that I didn’t dare wearing a skirt)

    • enbrown

      Thank you for this. So much.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        Thanks for reading!

    • Alyssa

      Who follows these rules anyways? Pretty sure Anna Wintour wears leopard frequently. Vogue is weird.

      • diane

        general rule of thumb, if you already wore the trend as a teenager think twice about doing it again, re leopard, diana vreeland wore until her 80′s, as to AW rock it like her she wears whatever makes her happy, and she is over 30 even if she hasn’t changed her hair stlye since then, i wore my leopard print heels with a camel sheath dress yesteday, and i am 49 and rocked so, sorry vogue, i am my own editor, d

      • Anne Marie Hawkins

        Ok, I only follow that rule because I had horrible taste as a teenager. But if something makes you happy, fucking wear it!

    • Cee

      My teenaged sister will always say what ladies are “too old” for. And, i always say “yea, you’re too young to be wearing…a..b..and c. and then you will be too old to wear..a..b..and c” she usually shuts up after that.

    • Jen

      The vast majority of leopard print I’ve ever seen has been on women who are at least twice thirty. No judgements. Just saying.

      • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

        Then you haven’t been around the punk scene much I guess?

    • Jen

      I play Roller Derby, and one of the beauties of it is different people of all ages can play, because it doesn’t matter how old you are, but how strong you are. I know some 30 and 40+ women who rock short shorts and fishnets better than my 20 year old butt and it’s what they’re comfortable in, not what uniform states. Great article :]

    • MammaSweetpea

      I toss these rules out with the rest of the Do’s and Don’ts of fashion, that I have no patience for. Don’t wear white after Labour Day. Bite me. Don’t wear gold and silver jewellery at the same time, worse yet, on the same hand. Step off. And the one from this article that I am currently stomping on: Women past X age should not have long hair. Nothing against short hair, cuz I’ve had long, short and inbetween, but for me the older I get, short hair makes me look older. Too ‘mom-ish’ if you know what I mean. I feel much sexier and confident with long hair. But you know, I say screw fashion rules, you do you and i’ll do me, and we all go for a drink looking awesome in our own way!

    • St. Ephanie

      I turn 30 in 4 days… thank you for the cool perspective. :)

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    • Birda

      Betsy Johnson is my idol. I wish I could rock clothes like her.

    • eifc7

      Great article Eve! We don’t need to be told how to dress. With any amount of self awareness, one knows what looks good and what doesn’t. In any event, It’s our choice. To all those 20-somethings, I say get a life ’cause when you turn 30+ you’ll be re-thinking your whole perspective.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        amen times a gazillion

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Leopard print is my spirit animal. I am already breaking most of the rules on this list. The only one I follow is not wearing leather, and that’s because I’m a vegetarian. Everything else? Doing it. At this exact moment I am doing at least 3 of them (tattoos, leopard print, long hair).

      • LynnKell

        I want to have your hot pink hair when I grow up *.*

      • donalda

        I wear leopard, snake and zebra. These fashion rules for older women are often based on the fact that doing X makes you look older, as if looking older or your age is a cardinal sin. Also, someone explain to me what’s the matter with holding on to the spirit of your youth?

    • Lady Broomstick

      I always thought it was weird and ridiculous about the anti-long hair attitude from so many white women. a lot of white women think that women over 30 can;’t have long hair. Well, I am an Indian woman, and all the aunts and grandmothers in my family, well over their 50s through 80s, have long hair. It’s the norm for many Indian women to have long hair well into their old age.

      All women should be allowed to wear whatever they want, dress how they want, and stylize their hair how they want. To hell with these stupid rules!!!

    • Skin Sense.Me

      Quite right…. it’s about time everyone, but particularly women started owning, loving and living their lives as they want to… wear what you want, so long as it is because you want it and do it with finesse and grace and you’re onto a winner!

    • Betty

      The rules about fashion are more applicable to body type rather than age. You can wear whatever you want and if you are proud about displaying your less then fit or aging body – go for it!

    • Leslie Baker

      56, rules, broken…sue me

      • Joy Ward

        This is a little bit “much” compared to what the article is talking about. This article is talking about every day wear. Like going to the super market or the Zoo with your kids. This would be appropriate for bed wear, or a rock concert.

    • Amy Black

      whelp, going to have to wear a tutu to the grocery store next time just to spite your last sentence!

    • http://amnottheonlyone.com/ Maureen O’Danu

      I am a self employed professional psychotherapist, 47 years old, and I have a collection of hats, scarves, and “too young for me” accessories, including a panda hat with scarf and mittens attached. Why? Because I’m too young to stop having fun with my wardrobe — and intend to always be too young, and too old to worry about looking ridiculous. It makes me happy, it relaxes my teenaged and young child clients, and helps them get past the ‘scary person I don’t know who wants me to talk with them’ phase, and models self confidence and fun for adult clients. And because I like hats.

    • Nicalogical

      Yes, Eve Vawter!! Well said! I enjoyed this article so much that I shared your insight on my blog :) and I am happier than ever to break these “rules”! http://nicalogical.com/re-7-items-you-should-never-wear-after-age-30-because-you-are-old-dumb-and-ugly/

    • Helen

      Oops, I am over 50 and I wear short skirts, tank tops, dresses with cleavage, shorts, BIKINIS, sexy heels, ripped and skinny jeans, boots, leopard print, LBDs, halter neck tops, have long hair and tattoos. I hit the gym hard and my body is also age inappropriate! If the age appropriate police ever get their hands on me they are going to hang in public!

    • Helen

      Oops, I am over 50 and I wear short skirts, tank tops, dresses with cleavage, shorts, BIKINIS, sexy heels, ripped and skinny jeans, boots, leopard print, LBDs, halter neck tops, have long hair and tattoos. I hit the gym hard and my body is also age inappropriate! If the age appropriate police ever get their hands on me they are going to hang in public!