• Tue, Oct 1 - 12:05 pm ET

13 Offensive Halloween Costumes You Should Never Do

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Bring it in, Glossers. We’ve got to huddle on this one, because I know you’re smart cookies who don’t like to be total douchebags about stuff. There are some costumes you just shouldn’t do, right? Right?

As somebody who gets called a slutty c-word every few days on the Internet, believe me, I am okay with a lot of things that offend people! However, there are several costumes I just do not understand nor agree with, and I can’t get behind anybody who does them regardless of their inevitable “nothing should be off limits” reasoning.

Now, we’ve already been over the dumb non-costumes from Urban Outfitters and awesome Breaking Bad costumes you should totally do, let’s discuss ones that you absolutely should not think about this year.

1. Hitler

Okay guys, let’s start off with the obvious ones, shall we? Hitler is still not okay. And Baby Hitler is definitely not okay.

2. Priest molesting a child

The guy above seems like a sad douchebag with too much time on his hands to make costumes, right? Well, yes. And what could be sadder than that? The fact that he’s not the only one.

Priest molesting children costumes

This wasn’t even it, by the way. There were even more, because humanity sucks. I’m not sure why this needs explaining, but children being molested is not funny. Doing costumes like this isn’t satire, as so many wannabe comedians say when their creepy efforts go unappreciated; it’s f’d up. Plus, when it comes to walking around like this, there’s a danger of (A) a child seeing you, which is messed up as it is and (B) somebody who’s actually been sexually assaulted being triggered by it. Ahhh, so funny and cool and edgy! Which brings me to…

3. Alexis Reich, formally known as John Mark Karr

john mark karr

Apparently, my coworker Jenni went on a date with a guy who wore this as a costume because he found the idea of dressing like the person who married a 13-year-old (and a 16-year-old), possessed child porn and falsely confessed to killing JonBenét Ramsey to be very amusing.

So, let’s just say you should nix any and all pedo costumes, mmk?

4. Rihanna after being beaten

Seriously, why was this even a costume idea for anybody? How is this remotely creative?

5. Chris Brown (as a terrorist)

CHRIS-BROWN-HALLOWEEN-COSTUME-900

Well, actually, just dressing “as a terrorist” will likely be more offensive than most costumes because these typically reek of Islamophobia, but Brown doing it like it was some ultra hilarious goofy gag and then posting it all over the Internet was infuriating.

6. Chris Brown (as himself)

Chris Brown

Via Getty Images.

Yes, I’m picking on him. Get over it. He’s an awful douchebag. But obviously, I would therefore also be irritated if anybody dressed as Sean PennTerrence HowardCharlie SheenDominique Strauss-Kahn or any other dude who had physically or sexually assaulted a woman. They’re all awful.

7. An abortion

Okay, here’s the deal with this one: it’s not so much that it’s offensive, it’s just that it makes you seem like one of those high schoolers who wears shirts that say, “You laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same.” Basically, you need attention and this is your way of doing it, because you wanna be ~*so provocative.*~ Sorry, but pregnant ladies with zombie babies are just infinitely funnier and more creative.

8. Any blowjob costumes that involve you going up to ladies and asking them to blow you.

Breathalyzers and costumes like them aren’t funny so much as “I get it, you have a plastic dick, if you keep poking me with it at the bar, I will twist it off.”

9. Mental Patient

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Yeah, as Julia said last week: stigmatizing mental illness is still not super cool, sorry.

10. Cultural stereotypes

I think most costumes that are people, say, wearing giant headdresses and making “whooping” noises or wrapping turbans on their heads and talking about 711s are really, really stupid (and, once again, so uncreative). I suppose if you want to be a stereotype of your own identity, that’s different, but I’d advise people to steer clear of others’.

11. Sheep fucker

Animal abuse is horrifying; animal sexual abuse is disturbing in so, so many ways. Not sure what people think they’re accomplishing with this one.

12. Anything that involves blackface

Fucking. Obviously.

13. An eating disorder

anna rexia

This “Anna Rexia” costume is not only an awful pun, it’s a terrible non-costume.

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  • elle

    I do not even care that you have pictures backing it up but I refuse to believe that anybody ever has dressed as a child molester priest. No no no no no. Also I have a friend whose dad dressed up in black face a couple years ago but she assured me it was ok it was tasteful. I raged very hard cuz there is no such thing as tasteful black face! I just had to share that in some forum cuz.it still makes me so angry.

    • Cari

      I’ve witnessed such a costume IRL :( :|

  • Fabel

    Is that guy wearing a Chris Brown mask? Or does he just resemble him really hard? Or am I blind?

    • Muggle

      He’s really wearing a Chris Brown mask.

      Why the fuck do those exist…

  • Sean

    I grow tired of “cereal killer” costumes. I laughed at the joke in Hackers, but seriously, come on people.

    (This is Sean. I can’t log in to Disqus)

  • Muggle

    Of COURSE “Anna Rexia” has big boobs. That’s just so fucked up.

  • adamfox

    All serial killer costumes are made void by costume-less Christina Ricci perfectly encapsulating that role in Addams Family. “I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like normal people…”

    Case in point. The ‘normal’ people underneath those priest costumes.

  • Charmless

    Breathalyzer Guy is one pair of glasses and a bit more hair gel away from a perfect Dieter costume. Just take off that cardboard abomination, dude.

  • DreaTheGreat

    get over yourself, its a costume party and people can dress like whatever they want.

    • DreaTheGreat

      I take that back, don’t get over yourself. I laughed super hard. good luck keeping your spleen this Halloween Holiday season!

    • Samantha_Escobar

      Creepy and threatening and weird!

  • Mummy

    The only ones I found offensive and in no way amusing were the child molester and the priest molesting a child. Other than that, it’s Halloween, get over it.

    • Mummy

      Oh and abortion. I must have missed that one the first read through.

    • PernRider

      I did in fact find most of these offensive, ESPECIALLY the priest molesting one. The Rihanna one was atrocious … because domestic violence is HILARIOUS!! Having been in an abusive relationship, she and her behavior following that incident have disgusted me for years ANYWAY, but to make further jokes about it, to make it a HALLOWEEN COSTUME … that’s just … ugh. Seriously. “Beatin on women is funny and edgy!” No. It’s not.

      Also, if I saw the sheep fucker or the priest IRL, I’d want to do them grievous bodily harm. Especially because if *I* saw them, likely my children would as well. And that’s bullshit.

    • Samantha_Escobar

      I think that is one of my biggest issues with these costumes; what if a kid were to see them? And, given that many look like they’re out in public, that thought is probably not too far-fetched. Kids shouldn’t have to see a bunch of douchebags who think child molestation is hilarious; parents shouldn’t have to answer questions about those things on what is intended to be a fun, safe day for children.

    • disqus_PcuUOAi3Y2

      Domestic violence is like evacuating the Titanic..women and children first

  • EV

    I personally think you’re being a little sensitive. Everything offends someone and while I wouldn’t do most of these costumes, I’d find them funny.

  • lily

    I found this on humorous on pintrest and I find this actually appalling. Criticizing Halloween costumes. To me, everyone has their own opinion and are free to express it. It’s called America… Though I do agree these costumes are absolutely horrible, I do not believe a person should criticize them openly, and telling them what to where actually makes me a little furious, though I’m not sure why. Oh and the fact you insulted them. Douchebags. That is just EXTREMELY offending and a form of cyber billing in a way.

  • matttheking

    This has to be one of the most ridiculous and self-righteous articles I have ever seen, and in this day and age, that’s saying something. I would go as far as to say you missed the mark on virtually every single costume idea that you listed. You must be a regular ball of fun to hang out with.

  • Db

    What a sad life you have Samantha Escobar. You’re a boring fucking do gooder who needs to lighten up and stop letting the whole world offend you. FUCK YOU.

    • Narayana Patrick Cieslak

      Naw fuck you Db open your damn mind a little and get some morals. Id woop that ass so fast and be out in a dash if I saw a priest molester costume on Halloween, especially if kids were around. It’s not about being offended, it’s about some skumbag bitch made fuck trying to be funny but actually contaminating the the public forcing their wrong bull shit on everyone else selfishly, I don’t wanna see that shit on Halloween, I wanna see zombies and shit and if someone wants something more original then why the fuck would they choose a costume where it shows a kid giving a blow job..are these guys down with doing kids? One of the guys in the picture looks like he’s way into his costume, holding the kid’s head, making a face and what not..fuck that, I’m not down with that. That shit deserves an ass beating, and wearing a costume like that probably will get some dumb fuck one cause I know I’m just one of many who would gladly stomp one of these lowlifes in a second. I usually dress up as something that I think is cool, have interest in, or something funny as a joke. Child molesters are no joke. Actually I feel all child molesters should be killed, so if I see anyone who is ok with child molestation or think anything about it is funny, I will at least smash a fool, no questions asked. Especially while i’m wearing a mask on Halloween.

    • disqus_PcuUOAi3Y2

      More like I’d tell my kids “This is why we’re not Catholic”

  • disqus_PcuUOAi3Y2

    Best costume idea for 2014: Samantha Escobar being a stuck up cunt, will get people talking