26-year-old Karissa and Rick Parran, 33, are a couple. They like to save money. These two qualities alone do not make them gross people. What does make them gross? They share everything. Everything. I have never so badly wanted to slightly misuse the word “literally” here, because honestly, they share (just about) literally everything.
Extreme Cheapskates, the (of course) TLC show this couple appears on, showcases people who go to the nth degree to save money. Now, TLC shows often irritate me a little bit, as they border on exploitation a significant amount of the time and, for the rest of the time, they’re just the TV version of the Daily Mail. But this show? Oh my goodness, the things they save, share and reuse are just too much to handle.
- Cotton swabs
- Razor blades
- Dental floss
- DENTAL FLOSS
Oh, by the way, by “sharing shampoo,” I don’t mean they just use shampoo from the same bottles and brands. I mean Karissa takes the suds from her hair — after scrubbing all the dead skin cells and dirt from her scalp — and puts them on her husband’s hair, who then rinses them out.
“It’s like two for one on the shampoo,” she gleefully says. NO. IT IS LIKE YOU TWO NEED YOUR OWN SHAMPOO.
Oh my god, I need a shower. Alone, fucking obviously.
The longest of past relationships, my ex and I were super comfortable with each other. We joked about everything, talked about everything, did just about everything in front of each other — whatever. We’d known each other so long that nothing surprised us, so it never had a negative impact on our relationship to be this way. But we didn’t straight up cross the boundary into “unsanitary.”
Don’t get me wrong — I admire their motivations. It’s an incredibly expensive world with not a whole lot of money out there these days; saving what you can is so important! But I think there are limits to the “what you can” aspect of this equation, and those limits begin approximately around the point where one person begins picking food from his teeth with the floss his wife just used. [Shudder.]
Need help saving money? Get a budgeting app. Don’t go out to eat. Save leftovers. Keep track of your spending. Learn to sew. Sell things you don’t need. Do not use repeat floss. Do not use repeat floss. Do not use repeat floss. Please, god, no.