I know the majority of you are sitting around, fresh from your doctors’s office with your chest bandaged in surgical tape, bruises under your eyes (That will totally heal in about two weeks) and a cookie jar full of money and you just can’t decide. Your next step could be to get rid of that pesky bump on your nose or to make your cheeks look fuller, but I am here to tell you that what you really need to do, is buy yourself a grillz. Everyone is doing it, from Madonna to Miley to Rita to Rihanna, and this obviously means that you need to as well. Yes, there are drawbacks, because grillz can be uncomfy and they can also cause tooth decay and bad breath, but that’s a small price to pay for fassssshhhhhun.
The most popular grillz maker is Johnny Dang, KING OF THE BLING , and even though it looks like it, his website was NOT designed by Pen and Pixel. Shame.
In order to get a grillz made by Johnny, which is really the only logical choice considering he has made grillz for Katy Perry and Nelly , you first need to request a mold kit that you fill with goo and fit over your teeth to get an exact impression. Then you select the design you want, you can even design your own, and send back your mold for Johnny and his team of rapper Paul Wall to create your grillz for you.
The grillz take about three or four business (BIDNESS) days to make. According to the website, you can order your grillz in different types of metals, everything from gold (which is not recommended by dentists) to platinum (which is recommended by all the dentists.) I suppose the gangsta thing to do would be to throw caution to the wind and order the gold.
For those of you who plan on taking your new grillz out for a night of fun, you need to be aware that It is not recommended to eat or sleep with your caps in due to dental hygiene. However, we do know that some of our customers do. You should also note that tar and Nicotine from cigarettes and alcoholic beverages can accumulate on the gold and diamonds and make them dull or dirty. Ew. Nothing says gross like a mouth full of dirty diamonds. But enough of this boring hygiene nonsense, let’s get to grillz stylez.
This Model is Super Reasonable At Only 120 Dollars.
This will cost me 135,000 so I need to start saving up my money now!
Now, some of you peasants may be thinking “Eve, you are cray. I do not have that sort of money or even 120 dollars sitting around to be spent on my grillz” so I suppose you cheapskates can buy something like this:
Enjoy your 4.99 dollar loser grillz you hobo!
(Images: Tumblr, Johnny Dang, Amazon)