Last week Sam wrote about Halloween costumes that you should never dress up in and even though we can all agree that all those costumes are ridiculously lame and offensive, chances are if you go out to a party or bar on Halloween you will encounter some Douchebag Dudebro™ wearing one of those, or something as equally obnoxious.
Halloween can be an awesome holiday for those looking for looooove, because what sort of costume a guy wears can tell you a lot about his personality. or, you can use the handy guide I have constructed here to do the same thing.
The Dude Who Dresses Like A Giant Penis
This guy has a name for his penis, that he got from his girlfriend during his senior year of high school. It’s probably something like Mr.HappyFunTime and he also has a case of herpes that flares up, but it’s totally cool because his mom pays for his Rx.
The Dude Who Dresses Up As A Giant Vagina
This dude has actually never seen a real life lady vagina. Probably sleeps with this costume long after Halloween.
Vagina Face Dude
He is currently living with the Giant Vagina Dude shown above, but that may change because he keeps forgetting to pay the Comcast bill.
The Broken “Boner” Dude
All you have to do is say the word “boner” and this guy laughs so hard he almost starts crying, which is unfortunate, because he is probably your best friend’s cousins dad and he shows up at random bars to talk about how he once saw Styx play in 1979. He bought this costume based on the website description which reads:
Fun World’s Broken Boner is hysterical. Complete with a cast and a sling.
They will all ask you how you got a broken bone. Broken Bone…r that is! I hope you have a good answer for them! Maybe, “It’s so big, I got it stuck in the door!”
Have all your friends sign your cast! Imagine all the funny things will they will write on it!
He purchased this costume in late August and spent many nights lying in bed, imagining all the FUNNY THINGS people would write on his cast, but when he got to the bar no one would go near his broken boner costume.
The Porny Knight Dude
Pro: This guy is a huge Game Of Thrones fan. Con: He also finds giant peni HILARIOUS.
Down For The Count Dude
Is currently writing 50 Shades Of Grey fanfiction in his basement, feels it needs more vampires + fellatio.
The Crotch Monster Dude
Will spend weeks after Halloween attempting to remove the green monster from this costume so he can make it a normal “fanny pack” for carrying his cell phone, wallet and keys in. Has ZERO sewing skills.
The Party In My Pants Dude
The Penis Pasta Dude
Has never cooked anything other than something called “Spamskettios” which he invented which involves ramen noodles, catsup, and sliced Spam tinned ham.
The Horny The Clown Dude
For all our Halloween coverage, click here!
(All Images: Ronjo Costumes)