Halloween is approaching, and thousands of women are taking to the YouTube search bar to find the perfect makeup tutorial.
Are you a world-class artist? Can you manipulate shadows to transform your face into a completely different face? Me neither. But some of the more skilled makeup gurus of the YouTube community want you to feel included anyway, so here are five Halloween “tutorials” that you almost certainly can’t replicate.
1. “Fawn/Satyr Fantasy Makeup Tutorial for Halloween” by albinwonderland. The always put-together Angelina takes us on a 19-minute journey to look like, in her own words, “a fawn-inspired forest animal… thing.” The process requires elaborate shading and contouring, like seventy eyeliners, and more patience than I will ever have. Still, the finished product is amazing enough that it may be worth the labor. Maybe.
2. “The Beautiful Death” by Michelle Phan. Michelle is famous for her soothing voice, stunning artistry, and batshit crazy costume makeup. This year’s look, inspired by Mexican sugar skulls, is unbelievably pretty… and requires you to rub a glue stick on your eyebrows. I don’t personally live in a universe where I could sacrifice an expensive foundation brush to blue face paint, but I’m glad Michelle does. This looks is seriously gorgeous.
3. “Trippy ‘Face in a Face’ Halloween Make-up” by Promise Phan. Since she’s Michelle Phan’s sister-in-law, it doesn’t surprise me that Promise has crazy makeup skills. And, apparently, crazy amounts of time on her hands. This look, which she describes as “kind of like the movie Inception, but it’s like a face in a face,” only asks that you have an incredibly steady hand, access to ten million eyeshadow colors, and the ability to draw a photorealistic human face on your own cheek.
4. “Halloween edition: Creepy broken doll makeup tutorial” by KandiceXOX1. In another video that manages to make me feel weird for having never put a glue stick on my forehead, Kandice shows us how to change the shape of our lips, make our eyes four times bigger, and feel totally inadequate.
5. “Halloween Witch Makeup Tutorial” by pixiwoo. Don’t worry if you can’t afford high-end products—this 17-minute tutorial (which shockingly includes a glue stick) uses only cheap face paint. Now you can rest assured that your makeup doesn’t suck because you’re cheap, it sucks because you’re bad at it.
If you’re stressing about your Halloween makeup look, just remember: you’re never going to look like any of these videos, so why even bother? Just coat your face with glue and call it a day.