• Mon, Oct 21 - 3:30 pm ET

These New Breast Implants Are Smarter Than You Are

breast implants

Breast implant technology is growing by leaps and bounds (just like those cup sizes, I know you bros hear me), and a company called Establishment Labs has announced its latest innovation: a breast implant with a microchip that would make medical care significantly easier for implant havers.

The Motiva Implant Matrix Ergonomix (name of implant, not a blender as I originally suspected) contains a “radio frequency identification (RFID) microchip that gives doctors and patients easier access to information about the implants, including their serial number, manufacturer name and other data.” They’ll be sold in 28 European countries, although no word yet on when these knockers will be available in the US.

Apparently microchips increase safety for the implant haver, although it sounds a lot like The Matrix to me. WAIT. “Matrix” is in the name! Somebody call somebody. This is a conspiracy!

According to Establishment Labs CEO Juan Jose Chacon-Quiros, the addition of the microchip isn’t to track us like cows for eventual domination but exists to give “women the power of verification and control throughout the life of the device, if they choose to have breast implants. We are already in final talks with the biggest groups of clinics in Europe to provide the highest degree of safety, which patients have been rightly demanding after the recent breast implant scare in the EU.”

The scare Chacon-Quiros is referring to happened last year—a French implant manufacturer sold implants with double the rupture rate of similar products and lead to “health risks such as scarring and breast malformation to about 300,000 women in Europe and South America.” Yikes. After something like that, I can see the need to increase safety in these fun bags.

Breast implants are great if you want bigger boobs or have lost your breasts due to an illness, and like any medical procedure, should be treated with as much care and attention to safety as possible. But I wonder what the fun applications of these microchips could be. Maybe they could sync up with Foursquare and you could check your boobs into places? I’m just spitballing here—let me know if you have any fun boob-tracking related ideas.

Photo: Shutterstock

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