• Wed, Nov 6 - 3:39 pm ET

20 Of Oprah’s Favorite Things Ranked By Hideousness

Premiere Of The Weinstein Company's "Lee Daniels' The Butler" - Arrivals

It’s the most wonderful time of year, and by that I mean the long awaited list of Oprah‘s Favorite Things is upon us. I need to qualify this by saying I freaking love Oprah Winfrey. When I’m having a rough day, I picture her yelling motivational platitudes at me until I drag my sorry ass out of bed. So it pains me to see her list of favorite things full of the most out of touch, frivolous, stupid, and downright ugly items. But it also brings me joy, because the list has provided a wonderful smattering of ugly ridiculous things that nobody will ever need.

Let’s dive into the 20 ugliest, most ridiculous, and useless items on the list.

1. The High Tea Collection, $85 for a set of 8; ButterLondon.com

HTColl

Here’s a set of 8 different nude polishes, which as Oprah points out is fantastic because “nude” exists in at least 8 different shades. Unfortunately, individual people do not.

2. Enrico Products Spiral Salad Bowl, $54; Amazon.com

oprah's favorite things 2

There is no salad on earth that deserves to be in this ugly ass bowl. Even something boring and without and protein or dried fruit.

3. Present Cake, $79; PerfectEndings.com

oprah's favorite things 3

This is the ugliest freaking cake I have ever seen.

4. Amaryllis Gervase Bulb Kit, $43; Bloembox.com

oprah's favorite things 4

This is a flower version of the ugliest freaking cake I have ever seen.

5. Jonathan Adler Toulouse jewelry box, $295; JonathanAdler.com

oprahs favorite things 5

This looks like the manicure my 13-year-old cousin recently Instagrammed. I think it was from the Katy Perry Misguided Youth Collection.

6. Custom Illustrated Pillow, $395; CharlesFradinHome.com

oprahs favorite things 6

If you were hoping to spend almost $400 on an ugly novelty pillow, at least put someone better than your dog on there. Literally anything else.

7. SeeHome Desk Magnifier, $49 each; Ameico.com

oprahs favorite things 7

No seriously. What fuckery is this? Oprah points out that you can keep these “on a desk or kitchen counter in, well, plain sight.” Good pun, but I’d rather be able to keep my glasses on my head.

8. Circle Candlestick Holders, $75 to $150; LunaresHome.com

oprahs favorite things 8

Nothing like a romantic dinner lit by NuvaRings.

9. Organic Cotton Pajamas. V-Neck Long-Sleeved Tee, Originally $74; SkinWorldwide.com, Double-Layer Pant, $148; SkinWorldwide.com

oprahs favorite things 9

If you didn’t know any different, what would you think SkinWorldwide.com sold? Also, pajamas are for sleeping and for soaking up the chili you spilled while eating in bed. One should never even consider spending over $200 on chili napkins.

10. Harry Barker Dog Toys, $68; HarryBarker.com

oprahs favorite things 10

If you’ve already gone to the trouble of putting your dog’s face on an ugly pillow, the least you can do is buy him chew toys that he will certainly drag through his own feces that costs more than some people make in a day.

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  • Jenni

    To be fair, you haven’t really lived until you use a SeeHome Desk Magnifier!

  • Joanna Rafael

    All milk can be body milk with the right technique.

    • Katie

      I think this is the grossest thing I’ve ever read

  • Sarah!

    Can we talk about the word “Qooq?” How are you guys pronouncing that??

    • Julia Sonenshein

      So here’s where I am with Qooq. It’s “cook,” but said while giving yourself a lobotomy.

    • DeanaCal

      Now I feel really stupid because in my head I was saying “kook” without making the connection it was for the kitchen, hence “cook.” sigh…

    • Julia Sonenshein

      I literally spent 10 minutes saying “kook. cook. qooq.” out loud until I figured it out.

    • greatestteacher

      I’m so ashamed. I started and ended with “kwook”. Facepalm.

  • Andie

    SkinWorldwide.com = some Silence of the Lambs shit.

  • LynnKell

    You’re deliciously evil.

  • Emily

    Ugg boots are intended for apres ski and when used for their intended use, I don’t see the problem. These Uggs are much cuter than the plain ones and, of course, should only be worn in the appropriate scenario.

    • Danielle

      Ugg boots are actually for before and after surfing if you want to get technical about it. Made popular by surfers in Australia.

    • http://coffeeontheedge.wordpress.com/ Jennie

      What’s up with all the Ugg hating? I live in Alaska, where it gets down to -50F, and Uggs are much more attractive than alternatives, they’re also super cozy. They aren’t much use once it gets down towards -10F or lower, but right now they’re perfect (yay, we are still in the positives!). Those Costco knock offs will only last one season (if that) and really aren’t worth it.

  • amanda

    Most of these aren’t that bad and if I were getting them free I would certainly not complain.

    • Julia Sonenshein

      YOU GET FREE UGLY SHIT. YOU GET FREE UGLY SHIT!

  • Landry

    regarding #6, nobody’s better than my dog.

    • Julia Sonenshein

      This is a fair point I hadn’t considered!

  • Sakja

    I don’t want anything on this list except the Acti-Fry, which I probably will never buy.

    • Nancy

      I’ve used the Acti-Fry before, it’s actually quite awesome!

  • Dave

    Thanks for the mention, Julia! Our bowl is enjoying your review (typo notwithstanding). For more of our ugly ass products be sure to check out http://www.EnricoProducts.com Sincerely, Dave, Owner, Enrico Products

    • Julia Sonenshein

      Buying stuff for the whole family!

  • luscious in chelsea

    Eye of the beholder I guess. There’s some gorgeously wonderful things here. The bowl for instance.

  • well

    i think you are way to invested in trashing this things because oprah thinks they’re grand…lol….grow up, you might try being unbiased…!

  • Alexis H

    I take it you aren’t a dog person…

  • Lauren

    Really? Dissing the butter London polish set? Love it! Nude comes in many colors and one person can certainly enjoy various shades of neutral polish. This fits right in with other beauty trends – naked/neutral eyeshadow palettes.