Q. Are matching couples outfits ever cool?
When you go on the Internet as much as I do, you come across a lot of great stuff. Intelligent writing, intriguing dialogue on social issues, cool products that might actually improve your life. Thank goodness for the Internet, right? But those good things are approximately 5% of the stuff you see online. The other 95% consists of things like the Twinsie, which is exactly what it sounds like: a giant, two-person onesie:
If you’ve ever wanted to waste $80 on something completely useless, now is your chance! What is the point of The Tokyo Laundry Twinsie? So you are never apart? So you can lose all your friends at once? These people’s facial expressions make me want to punch cinder blocks, and not in a cool karate way, but in an infuriated-I-might-break-this-but-if-I-shatter-my-hand-that’s-fine-too-because-it-gets-my-inane-point-across way. What’s going on with your stances? Why are you raising the roof? Stop it. You’re not quirky.
You’re not Jason Segel, whom I feel like could pull this off somehow.
You are not making miracles.
This does not require them to be in the same place at the same time. Basically, you’re the worst.
Okay, okay, I don’t really hate these people that much. I just don’t understand why you would want to own something like this. It’s really just a novelty gift, I’m sure, but there is always that one couple in your life who’s been dating since like second grade or just got together 2 weeks ago that constantly needs to be doing cutesie stuff as often as possible in public.
So on that note, I’m going to go wear a separate outfit from — well, everyone. Literally everyone. Nobody’s leg hair will be tickling me or entwining with my own.