11. Mini Jambox, $179
You know, because the “boombox on the shoulder” look will hands down come back someday. Yes. Absolutely.
12. Dodo Case Folio for iPad Mini, $125
While I understand that expensive products need solid cases, I’m not sure they need cases that cost a third of the price of the product itself…
13. Rust Designs Birch Oval Platter, $115
This is a plate. And it costs $115. Let me reiterate one more time: it’s a fucking plate.
14. Claire Viver Foldover Clutch, $260
It’s a little purse that resembles something my cousin’s children make in preschool. Unless there’s a missing decimal between “2″ and “6,” I think I’ll be skipping this.
Monogrammed letters for over $500. I had to check that 3 times because I was paranoid I might be accusing a company of something untrue, but I’m not. Holy crap.
Yeah, so any time a store has a cake slice that costs $85, I just turn myself around and walk out the door. In my whole life, I don’t think I’ve ever encountered somebody who needed or wanted or even really liked the idea of a cake slice that costs $85.
17. Malle W. Trousseau Kitchen Set, $5800
Do you have nearly $6K to blow through on one gift? If so, hi, please help me with my college loans! Uh, I mean, buy this kitchen set. It’s got several knives. It’s from MoMA. It’s — ah, fuck it, I can’t even pretend I know anybody who would buy this.
18. Fornasetti Silenzio 68 oz. Candle, $495
So, this is an almost $500 candle. Yes, it’s big and pretty, but…but it’s almost $500. You can go to small businesses run by families that have been around for ages who make beautiful, high-quality, sustainably-sourced candles and they will still not cost you $500.
19. Seletti Vegaz Letters, $512 – 637.50
These are literally just glowing letters. My first initial alone is $512.50; all four of them would be $2048.50. Pro-tip: Go to a craft store, pick out some wooden letters, paint them, then wrap Christmas lights around ‘em. Oh, look, you did not just blow your entire rent check on something that belongs in a seventh grader’s bedroom or an as-seen-on-TV man cave!
20. Hermès Playing Cards, $104
No, nuh-uh. No. Playing cards are like $1, maybe, almost everywhere you go. A really nice pack of cards can be $30. A collector’s edition pack of cards — $50, tops. But over $100 for some cards because they are orange? No. Go fuck yourself.