• Thu, Nov 14 - 2:30 pm ET

This Angry Feminist’s Open Letter to James Deen

VENICE, ITALY - AUGUST 31: Actor James Deen attends the 70th Venice International Film Festival at Terrazza Maserati on August 31, 2013 in Venice, Italy. (Photo by Tullio M. Puglia/Getty Images for Maserati)

Photo by Tullio M. Puglia/Getty Images for Maserati.

Dear James,

I recently read an article asking a crowd of extremely vocal lady bloggers if they would consider having sex with a porn star. Turns out, the point of the piece was not, in fact, “would you have sex with a porn star,” but “would you have sex with porn star James Deen, on camera, for fun and profit.” Since this is a sex-positive, feminist-leaning blog and not a cosmo fueled cocktail party, the conversation quickly devolved into the politics (and mechanics) of porn. But some of these ladies, these educated, anti-misogyny, guns blazing feminists, who devote a considerable amount of time to dismantling rape culture, well…

We like you.

Not all of us, obviously. If you can find 300+ internet commenters that like anything, you have either found a new GIF collection of pandas on slides or are living in a teen YouTube-er’s daydream. Maybe you thought this was going to be a rant against porn. Nope, not today. I can totally acknowledge porn’s problem with internalized misogyny and an unrealistic standard of beauty and still dig porn’s answer to Ryan Gosling.

For starters, you’re pretty darn adorable. How do you look so cute, so charming and aw-shucks handsome while you’ve got somebody’s legs behind her ears? Is it the baby blues? The chin dimple? The lack of steroidal enhancements to your 5’ 8’’ self? Yes and yes.

According to Wikipedia’s latest stat, you’ve acted in some 1,405 films. With your work ethic, I imagine at this point you’ve at least topped 1,500. And yet, you’re at least partly famous for your onscreen connection with the ladies. Hell, James, I can’t sustain eye contact with people that I am dating over dinner, let alone in the sack. And you can stare so heartwarmingly into the eyes of hundreds, literally hundreds, of different women. Does this mean you, prolific porn star, have fewer intimacy issues than me? Do you have tips for the layperson (laid person?) on connecting during sex? If you can make each of your costars feel like the most special girl in the world while you’re pounding away at her ass, surely you can help me out.

Second, thanks for doing your part to prove that lots of guys picked last for football teams are great in bed. Every man on the planet under 5’ 10” has some serious thanking to do. Can a petite Jewish guy be a total dom? Obviously. Speaking of which, I read that you lost your virginity at 12 at a Jewish summer camp. Relatable! I mean, the rest of us just got felt up politely in the woods that one time before the end-of-summer dance, but still. Who can’t relate to getting a little nookie at bible camp? It’s an American tradition.

Third, you’re supportive of women and their sexuality. In your open casting call, you specify that you’re looking for “ALL types of women.” When a black girl is on your site, she isn’t hidden away in a fetish category under “ebony.” She’s just one more chick acting out her fantasy. Equal opportunity sluttiness! You’ve got pixie cut hipsters, plus size blondes, black girls, and brunettes, both natural and enhanced. Just girls doing their thing (or girls doing your thing, being a dom and all). You gush about your female costars, their talent and enthusiasm and their totally unique bodies. You ask women who are paid to be there what they like in bed. Non-porn men: take notes.

And reason number four, you have at least one blog post about cats. Possibly more, I could only get so far on your blog without getting somewhat distracted. You seem like everyone’s high school best friend that somehow made it big (har har), just out for a good time and fond of writing in ALL CAPS. Basically, you’re the Jennifer Lawrence of porn. You’re just a not-at-all-regular dude that’s fantastically good at sex, supports women who love sex, and wants to make professional porn sluts and regular Janes have their sex dreams come true. You rock.

Would I sleep with you? If we could have our special moment together, and I could keep it off the internet and all for my very own, who wouldn’t? But I get that you’re a professional, and this is what you get paid to do. So I’ll just indulge my new little fantasy in private, like writers are supposed to do. And you’ll keep making ladies feel good about their sexual desires, like more men should.

Sincerely,

Angry Feminist Fan

You can reach this post's author, Mandie Williams, on twitter.
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  • Elizabeth Alexander

    God I was so worried you were going to yell at him for something, but instead you composed this, which is just perfection. hits every nail on the head. Good job!

    • Jen

      I was also wondering when she would get angry!

    • fee

      I don’t see what him being Jewish has to do with his sexual prowess? There is an absurd amount of attractive Jewish actors out there, i.e. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Logan Lerman, Andrew Garfield, Paul Rudd, Jake Gyllenhaal, James Wolk, Gabriel Macht, etc.

  • Hannah
    • nicole

      i think they were just talking about anal sex, not actual rape. and jesus so what? i’m a girl and i’ve made the same kinds of jokes. it doesn’t mean i actually like rape or think it’s funny. shows like family guy and south park make the same kinds of jokes. i highly doubt james deen actually thinks rape is in any way funny. you guys are all pretty much rallying against him for one comment? dear god.

  • James Asskicker

    I hate him. He looks like a god damn weasel.

  • thatkimgirl

    Yeah, those rape jokes on his Twitter are just so fucking cute, I could die.

    • Shyanne

      I’ve never read any rape jokes? If I’m wrong, please show me (I’m dead serious). I would really like to see where he has ever made jokes about non-consensual sex, because THAT I don’t agree with. However, I think you’ve got it wrong. Are you talking about his tweets he tags with pornoromance? James Deen is a Dominant, who probably engages in rape fantasy, which is not the same thing. And I’m sure you’re going to say that this is disgusting and offensive to women/rape victims blah blah blah but just don’t. Just because someone indulges in rape roleplay/etc doesn’t mean they actually support and/or condone rape. There are MANY men AND women who enjoy it, and who give their consent to do it. I repeat: It does not mean someone actually enjoys rape/wants to be raped/supports rape/condones rape. It’s just a fantasy and it’s a consensual act. Seriously, don’t get your panties in a twist just because someone has a different kink than you. Ugh.

    • nicole

      I think she was talking about the one comment that Hannah posted below vvv but I agree with you about the rape fantasy thing. good luck trying to convince other people to see it that way though. most people would rather criticize and judge than try to understand, or better yet accept that everyone is different

    • Kool Keith

      I hate James Deen. The dude couldn’t f*ck well if his life depended on it. He RUINS every scene that he’s in. Not to mention, most of his videos are full of slapping, hitting, and spitting in female’s faces. What a piece of sh*t

    • Elegy Mills

      You sure you aren’t mistaking him for every other porn actor in existence?

      And if he couldn’t fuck well, why do so many women seem to think he’s a master at it?

      Someone’s got some sexual self-esteem issues that they’re projecting~

    • Kool Keith

      They are faking it. It’s there JOB to fake it. If they said he wasn’t good in bed, then they would be losing money out of their pocket

    • thatkimgirl

      Sensitive kinksters are the best.

  • Ginger

    Isn’t this the same guy who slams girls’ heads in the toilet while having sex with them, makes other girls lick semen off of a dirty floor and also water boards them using the same tactics that are used by the government on terrorists?
    Oh wait. Maybe you’re talking about the James Deen that actually PAYS complete strangers to have sex with him in random hotel rooms around the world and then claims it’s not prostitution because he brought a hand held camera with him? Then, weeks later, proceeds to put the homemade sex video on his personal members only website where he can now make THOUSANDS more than the poor girl he just paid $200 cash or whatever amount to have sex with him? Now that’s what I call a PIMP. Seriously, he is one smart guy and he’s making dreams come true at the same time! It’s so “empowering!!!”
    Here’s a tip: If you want to feel “empowered” by having sex on camera then make your own sex tape with a random stranger and put it up on the web yourself so everyone can watch you… You could even try to sell it at clips 4 sale or something? At least that way you wouldn’t be getting pimped out for thousands of dollars while James Deen is handing you $200 cash in the hallway of your hotel for your generous “services.”

    • Shyanne

      Aren’t you ignorant. Those women who get their heads slammed into toilets/are made to lick semen off of dirty floors actually LIKE it. Shocking, isn’t it? Do you even know what BDSM is? Or dominance and submission? Probably not. Because you, like every other woman who has no clue what feminism really is, are probably not supportive of woman who liked to be dominated, because it goes against your views. Also, those girls in the hotel room KNOW what they’re getting into. They’re stupid if they think otherwise. They are there because they want to be. You, like every other ridiculous “feminist”, fail to acknowledge the woman’s role in anything. You act like James Deen forces himself onto people. These woman are there, doing these acts, because THEY WANT TO BE. Because this is the 21st century where woman are allowed to make their own fucking decisions in regards to their sexuality. But apparently people like you don’t seem to understand this because you have this narrow-minded view of how woman should be. Some women are submissive. Some women like to be dominated, inside of the bedroom and/or out. Some women get off at having their heads dunked in toilets. Do you? Clearly not, but don’t sit there and make judgments because some men get off on doing it and some women get off on receiving it. Educate yourself on these topics before you go around writing ridiculous comments such as the one above and then act like you’re some feminist and are only making these ignorant comments on the behalf of women. I, as a woman, do not agree with you, or anyone like you. And yes, this is coming from a woman who is a proud submissive AND an actual feminist with knowledge as to what feminism actually is. Also, James Deen is a great guy. Get over yourself.

    • Maira

      AGREED. Why do so many radical feminists equate BDSM/Submission with abuse? This is is an act performed by two (or more, depending on what you like) consenting adults. James Deen likes to shove consenting women’s heads into toilets. Okay, so? Key words here: CONSENTING WOMEN. Meaning: THEY WANT AND….wait for it….ENJOY IT.
      *sigh* One day you so-called feminists will stop with the BDSM shaming and realize that just because a man/woman is a Dom doesn’t mean they’re abusive and just because a man/woman is a Sub doesn’t mean they are weak. I personally like James Deen. I see no reason not to. He makes one comment on Twitter and everyone’s ready to start shooting. As Nicole has said I’m sure he doesn’t actually find rape funny, no more than the creators of Family Guy do. As someone who has actually been a victim of long-time physical abuse and rape, I can tell you right now that I did not find his comment offensive. Unlike the rest of you I’m not going to start getting myself into a rage over a few comments that obviously weren’t meant to be taken seriously.

    • L Wilson

      Yes James Deen is cute as a button, and yes consenting adults are free to do whatever they want. But let’s not pretend the porn industry is some big happy family full of nice guys. Many women have testified to abuse in the industry, it is there. And many are desperate and get manipulated into things they don’t want to do.

    • Ginger

      While I agree with everything you’ve said, you have to also keep in mind that these women are GETTING PAID to do this… having your head smashed into a toilet while getting paid to do so doesn’t mean people who are into BDSM go around having sex with people while they put their partners head in a toilet to eat feces…. come on???

    • SuzyQ

      People keep your fetishes straight, BDSM, is not scat. There may be some cross over, but I’ve not heard or seen anything from James Deen indicating he is interested in shit on camera. Piss is another matter. He will only get nasty or rough with girls he KNOWS will like it. Check out his scenes with co-stars Lia Lor or Presley Maddox. He is also a fan of performing in the sweet and gentle porno of x-art.com

    • Ginger

      Oh jeez. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?
      Stop being SO defensive for like 5 minutes and re-read what you just posted. Does the thought of Deen and shit offend you?
      Let’s be honest here… he could do just about ANYTHING on earth and you would defend him. BDSM encompasses SO many different aspects that you sound like an idiot trying to somehow say shit has no place in BDSM because you don’t like it… is blood play excluded also?
      Uh, we’re discussing toilets here. What do you think is in a toilet? Piss and shit, maybe? The whole point of using piss and shit in porn is degradation. Meaning to degrade your partner. If you want to degrade your partner or if your partner really wants to be degraded, then shoving someone’s head in a piss and shit dirty toilet would probably accomplish that? Correct?
      But, hey, go for it… keep talking and make it even easier for others to see how little you know about BDSM. Psst… It’s not JUST a bunch of people having fun using ropes and floggers.
      I would be willing to bet you’ve never even practiced BDSM in the real world, right? Let me guess… You watch kink.com and think it’s so dangerous and cute?
      It’s not necessarily fair for you to pick and choose what belongs under BDSM just because you don’t like the idea of shit in your porn… If Deen released a movie tomorrow called “I want you to eat my shit out of a dog bowl” would you judge him? You can honestly tell me your reaction would be “Well, some people really do enjoy eating shit just like some like to get flogged during BDSM play.” Are you serious?
      So, you don’t judge people who like to get their heads slammed into a toilet, BUT the fact that I mention there is shit in the toilet somehow changes everything. It’s a toilet!!!!!
      I know. I know. I’m just being SO dramatic about this. But, the fact is that I seem to be able to reasonably view the situation for what it is while you sit around defending everything Deen does AS LONG AS it doesn’t gross you out or make you feel “icky.”
      If I posted a scene with Deen shoving a girl’s head in shit and then making her eat it with a spoon… would you STILL blindly defend him and give me some bullshit excuse that everything he does is great because he works for xart… sometimes?
      Grow up.

    • devovit

      Holy crap, I’ve actually stopped reading these comments now but I can tell just at a glance that that is one big wall of crazy.

    • Ginger

      Well, at least you weren’t stupid enough to try to debate the facts with me. But, run away just like everyone else who can’t come up with a reasonable response.

    • Elegy Mills

      Lol.

    • SuzyQ

      I went back to your first post; you don’t like that James is getting paid, or more importantly YOU don’t think his co-stars are fairly compensated. Secretaries, Trash Collectors, everyone has to negotiate what they are willing to do for how much. If a person accepts payment, and afterwards decides it was less than they should have, they need to count it as a learning experience.

      As far as BDSM and James Deen, I know what I like, and what I don’t! I’m defending his work ethics, not his performances. You are correct I’m not interested in blood play, scat, cutting, burning and so on, I don’t even like snowballing. I do enjoy all types of porn from vanilla to very rough, where all the participants appear to be enjoying the scene not just the Doms.

      Your whole tirade regarding degradation, I refer you back to my first post, He will only get nasty or rough with girls he KNOWS will like it. Check out his scenes with co-stars Lia Lor or Presley Maddox.

    • Elegy Mills

      What does that have to do with James Deen? The topic is not the porno industry; THAT is a red herring.

    • stella

      How do you know that they like it? All you know is that they’re willing to do it for enough money, if that.

    • Ginger

      These woman are there, doing these acts, because THEY WANT TO BE.

      Actually, these women are there because THEY GET PAID TO BE. Get your facts straight before you start talking about BDSM. Do you know what a sadist and a masochist actually are? Go do some research before talking about BDSM, which you seem to be too ignorant to understand.

      To be honest, your statements are a little offensive to people who actually DO practice BDSM.

      Are you going to include people who like to have sex with dead people under the guise of BDSM also? Or, maybe people who consent to having their arms cut off during sex?

      BDSM is about respect NOT a synonym for “anything goes.”

    • SuzyQ

      Is it more feminist if woman dominate over men? Just saying! BDSM can go both ways, actually all ways, if a couple lesbians engage in BDSM what then?

    • Ginger

      Hell if I know? I’m not even close to a feminist. My opinions wouldn’t change whether we were talking about males, females or green aliens.
      But, I’m sure there are plenty of lesbians that are into BDSM just as there are many gay men who are into it also…

    • Elegy Mills

      Not even close to a feminist my ass, left testicle, lower teeth, and right eye. That’s the biggest load of bullshit you’ve spewed so far, and given the giant piles of it you’ve unloaded that I’ve seen so far, that’s saying a LOT.

      If you REALLY can’t see why people are equating you with fundamentalistic inflexible feminism, then you’re blind as a mole rat (and probably as attractive as one, too; clearly you’ve got a sandy vag) and dumb as a human vegetable, although none of that really surprises me and within the first few lines of your first post I already came to those conclusions, anyway.

      Also, you mention “Debating” to someone else, and then in this one you say “My opinion wouldn’t change…” In other words, it’s not a debate. It’s you bitching and whining and being a tool and pissing people off. In other words, you are a troll.

    • devovit

      As much fun as you might be having on your slippery slope there, no one is getting their arms cut off or committing necrophilia. Do you get your debating tactics from Fox News?

    • Ginger

      “no one is getting their arms cut off or committing necrophilia.”
      ^^^Are you judging people who are into that sort of thing???? It sounds very judgmental to me?
      What if someone consents to have their arm cut off? What if that turns them on? They ARE consenting, so what is the problem? Since “everything goes” as long as 2 people are consenting.
      Do you get your debating tactics from Sesame Street?

    • Ginger

      You know, I’ve never in my entire life have been called a feminist. I’ve never really had a desire to be one either… how is stating my opinion of people having their heads smashed into a toilet an act of feminism? I think I’m actually confused on this one?

    • Ginger

      Oops.. forgot to add:
      If 2 gay guys where smashing each other’s head into a dirty toilet my opinion would be EXACTLY the same!!!!!!!!!

    • devovit

      So you’re happy to stick your nose in and judge people for what they like to do in the bedroom (or the bathroom) regardless of gender? Well that’s something, I suppose.

    • Ginger

      Don’t get upset because I’m pointing out the obvious here. I realize it’s not very nice to post an opinion that is different from yours, but there’s freedom of speech and all that other crap… blah, blah, blah.
      Why are you judging my opinion? It can go both ways, See???
      So, it’s ok for you to comment about how great it is for Deen to shove someone’s head into a dirty toilet, but I’m not entitled to the same freedom because I don’t agree with your opinion that ANYTHING and EVERTHING on earth done during sex is perfectly acceptable and should be applauded as being a feminist act and empowering because a woman is getting paid and consenting to perform an act that others may now think is normal because the goofy, cute little guy says so…
      I know. I’m just a horrible judgmental person. But, you are too actually… Think about it. I’m supposedly judging someone and then you come right behind me to point out that you are judging me by saying how judgmental I am, which then makes you judgmental for judging my opinion.
      Are you confused yet? Or, would you like me to keep going?

    • devovit

      You know, as much fun as it can be to randomly put words in capital letters, it probably does more to undermine what you say that reinforce it. Just a tip.

      You are perfectly free to say that consensual sex acts between adults are disgusting and horrible. You’re unfortunately not free from people then getting the impression that you’re an idiot, though, nor from people telling you so.

      FYI, did anyone actually say that sex is a feminist act or empowering or that it should be applauded? Oh wait, I forgot about your policy of making things up.

    • Ginger

      I apologize for making you upset with my all caps words. Please accept my deepest apology.

      Why exactly am I supposed to worry about whether someone thinks I’m an idiot because I voiced my opinion that shoving a girl’s head in a dirty toilet bowl of piss and shit sounds bad???

      Yes, dear. You got me. It’s all made up in the land of make believe with fairies and unicorns.

    • devovit

      “He can now make THOUSANDS more than the poor girl he just paid $200 cash or whatever amount to have sex with him?”

      You seem to have some impressive insider knowledge of exactly how much women get paid for starring in James Deen’s videos, and also of how much he makes off each video. Either that or you’re pulling numbers out of your anus. I guess there’s no way of knowing either way.

      Thanks for the concern trolling, though. Clearly every single woman who has voluntarily decided to have sex with James Deen on camera for an agreed amount of money is a silly fool and they need your worldly wisdom (which apparently doesn’t include any knowledge of BDSM practices) to guide them.

      P.S. The person running a business making more than the people they employ isn’t exactly uncommon in the porn industry, nor is it unique to the porn industry.

    • Ginger

      Umm.. hookers consent to have sex with people for money too… The only difference between these girls and street hookers are that they aren’t standing on some random street corner and begging strangers in cars to have sex with them.. I’m honestly not here to judge anyone, but some of these defenses including categorizing every single thing under BDSM is ridiculous… to say the least.

    • devovit

      So by that logic, actors who are paid to get naked and kiss and thrust against each other in regular movies are hookers as well because they’re getting paid for sexual activity. Huh. Michael Fassbender is a hooker. Who knew?

      “some of these defenses including categorizing every single thing under BDSM is ridiculous”

      Who was categorizing every single thing under BDSM? I didn’t see anyone saying that afternoon tea was BDSM. I saw people saying that consensually agreed-upon rough play during sex is BDSM, but that’s because that is the literal definition of BDSM.

    • Ginger

      Go look up what encompasses BDSM and then get back to me. BDSM is anything but a fun little game where people like to “play rough.”
      Even if we just went with the meaning of the letters: BDSM, it plainly explains a practice where people get off on inflicting physical pain to others while certain other people get off on having someone physically hurt them.
      I’m not just making this up. Go research BDSM and what it actually means before trying to school me on the premise of BDSM.
      If you think BDSM means “consensual rough play during sex,” then you obviously have NO IDEA what you’re talking about… LOL.

    • devovit

      “BDSM, it plainly explains a practice where people get off on inflicting physical pain to others while certain other people get off on having someone physically hurt them.”

      You think that’s all it means? Hehe. I’m pretty sure that you’re the one who would benefit from a little time spent on Google. Does your entire knowledge of BDSM come from reading Fifty Shades of Grey?

    • Ginger

      Ok….. so that went right over your head….. duh.
      I was referring to JUST the letters as in sadism and masochism. You know, the meaning of the S and the M in the term BDSM.

      I guess you should look up sadism and masochism while you’re at it if you can comprehend that much?

    • Elegy Mills

      I tried reading through your little butthurt bitchrant but then the sound of a wailing infant overlapped the words in my head as I read them, and I had to stop, because listening to two infants shrieking is just too fucking much for my brain to deal with.

  • Ginger

    Obviously, no one has to listen to a thing I say… my opinions of course.

    But, just keep blindly defending Deen while he laughs his ass off all the way to the bank. As I’ve already said.. HE’S the genius here and there is no denying it.

    And, everyone else will just sit back and laugh with him while listening to these ridiculous rants on how girls actually LOVE eating shit! Hahaha.

    • devovit

      Um, there’s no scat in James Deen’s porn, but it’s interesting that you’ve gotten to the point of making things up completely to try and win people over. Some women DO enjoy rough play during sex, whether you want to believe it or not. There is, in fact, a whole world of sex that goes beyond lights-off-eyes-closed-missionary-position.

      The only thing you have backing up your “Deen is a genius laughing all the way to the bank” agrument is a completely invented (again, making stuff up) amount that you think the women in his videos are paid, and the fact that he probably earns more than they do from the videos because he runs the website they’re hosted on. The employer getting paid more than the employee is pretty much the way things work across the board in the porn industry and across all other industries. No one is being scammed or exploited here.

      You’re basically the internet equivalent of a curtain-twitcher: sniffing disapprovingly and insisting that you know better than other people how they should be living their lives. Please, for everyone’s sake, get a real hobby.

    • Ginger

      Umm… I actually do have a pretty fun hobby already. It’s called practicing BDSM for adults.
      Not BDSM for teenagers who *think* they know what BDSM actually means because some cute little dude does some *dangerous* looking shit during sex for money on the internet.
      As you should be able to comprehend by now, I don’t have a problem with the practice of BDSM. But, I CAN’T STAND when people make stupid arguments to justify every single sex act under the guise of BDSM and then when you bring up an act that sounds gross you get labeled “judgmental.” It’s ridiculous.
      But, thanks for your concern. I would suggest your new hobby to include grasping a fundamental understanding of BDSM culture, but feel free to keep commenting while people laugh at how dumb you sound.

    • devovit

      Oh my god, you practice BDSM? You’re an awful person, and must be sick in the head and completely depraved. Depending on which way round things are, you’re either an exploitative abuser or a helpless victim with Stockholm Syndrome. You poor little wayward sheep/sick perverted psychopath.

      P.S. You’ve yet to give any explanation as to why certain sex acts between consenting adults are OK but others aren’t, and where you draw the line. So far all we’ve seen is a bucketful of hysteria, lots of made-up stuff to make the videos sound worse than they actually are, and the slipperiest of slippery slope arguments.

      P.P.S Please take a few deep breaths and stop with the unnecessary capitals.

    • Neartmhor

      Ever heard the acronym YKINMK? If you were active in the BDSM community, you would have. We are pretty serious about not being judgemental of other peoples’ kinks. As long as BDSM practitioners follow some form of consensual framework (SSC, RACK or PRICK), there is no call to judge. Seems you missed that lesson. Perhaps you should spend more time at some munches, and less time making ignorant comments on the internet.

  • CharlieBBarkin

    This just proves women are really crazy!

    • Ginger

      What are you talking about? I’m sure there are plenty of guys who enjoy getting their heads shoved into a toilet to lick piss & shit off???
      Females aren’t the only crazy ones around here! ;-)
      LOL. Hahahahahahaha.

    • devovit

      “I’m sure there are plenty of guys who enjoy getting their heads shoved into a toilet to lick piss & shit off???”

      This didn’t actually happen but uh… oh, I see you’ve actually gone off the deep end and are now cackling in text form. *backs away slowly*