• Mon, Nov 18 - 6:11 pm ET

Comedian Encounters Rooftop Breakup, Epic Live Tweet Ensues

The other night, comedian Kyle Ayers stumbled across something magical. A rooftop breakup. So he did what any self-respecting comedian would do – he live-tweeted the eff out of it. And hilarity ensued.

breakup live tween

Twitter

So it begins…

The guy has what I expect would be a standard response to having a heated argument with a soon-to-be former love in public.

breakup live tweet

Twitter

I think we’re all thinking that, buddy. So, they go back and force for a bit, but eventually get into the nitty gritty.

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Uh Oh! But I’m sure he’s got a good answer for the girl (who we soon learn is named Rachel), right?

breakup live tweet

Twitter

NOPE. To be fair, the only times I think in terms of both “time” and “shit” is when I’ve had both a cigarette and a cup of coffee within 30 minutes of each other.

As a former commitment phobe, Rachel’s next comment took me aback a bit. I could see why the guy might be put off (just a bit).

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Eeep. To be fair, she doesn’t want “marriage” but even “what’s right below marriage,” is a pretty big step, especially for a couple who don’t even live together. Next, an argument about a flurry of texts that the guy received happens.

breakup live tweet

Twitter

breakup live tweet

Twitter

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Is Kyle Ayers a Time Lord? Did he accidentally stumble into a time machine and listen to a breakup I had with my high school boyfriend, circa 2002?

At this point, the guy starts sounding like even more of a douche.

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Classy

breakup live tweet

Twitter

This is when Rachel lays it all out…

breakup live tweet

Twitter

and the guy goes from douche to mega douche…

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Excuse me while I vomit a little into my own mouth.

Seriously ladies, if you don’t know that this is a red flag, well here ya go. If a guy says some bullshit like this, RUN. Chances are, he’s a jagoff.Still, Rachel tried to get a rational response out of him one more time re: their future together.

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Showing the same level of intelligence that we’ve seen the rest of this convo, the guy replies:

breakup live tweet

Twitter

The old “I don’t know what an apartment is” excuse. Works every time.

This is where Rachel finally loses her shit. Ayers apparently didn’t pick up on the entire rest of the convo, but here are the highlights .

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Well, as long as it was just those times, then it TOTES okay!

breakup live tweet

Twitter

Also known as the “nee-ner nee-ner” approach to arguing.

breakup live tweet

Twitter

I like to imagine she made fun of his trucker hat collection

Finally the argument comes to a close, and I think you’ll agree that Rachel wins…

breakup live tweet

Twitter

He TOTALLY doesn’t mean to change the subject, Rach…

breakup live tweet

Twitter

BURN

breakup live tweet

Twitter

And BOOM goes the dynamite. She’s out.

I think I need a cigarette after this.

What We're Reading:
Share This Post:
  • Julia Sonenshein

    Lolling so hard at the coffee and cigarettes line.

    • Tania

      I am pretty sure Cate wrote about the efficacy of those together in her post about coprophilia.

      Walking past coffee shops now reminds me of how strange the world can be.

  • elle

    Hmm….well even though I’m only 26 im glad twitter and Facebook weren’t as prevelant when I was in college cuz I definitely had my fair share of public fights/humiliations in college that I definitely would not have wanted live tweeted. Needless to say I’m not that amused/enthused about this….I really do have a sense of humor I promise I just hate theiidea of exploiting other peoples terrible moments for a few tweets.

  • Nancy

    Good for the girl for leaving that tool! GAWD I hate it when guys act extra stupid and try to plead ignorance instead of just being honest. ‘What do you mean by an apartment?’ Really? Girls, too, for that matter.

  • Ellen W.

    I wonder if she just finished reading “He’s Just Not That Into You”?

    (I read the post-movie edition and I loved it even though it isn’t perfect. What is? Worth checking out from the library or borrowing from a friend.)

  • Natalie

    My heart warmed when I saw you call him a jagoff. So Pittsburgh.