• Wed, Nov 20 - 9:10 am ET

And 2013′s (Unjustified) Sexiest Man Alive Is…

LAS VEGAS, NV - SEPTEMBER 21: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs onstage during the iHeartRadio Music Festival at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on September 21, 2013 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images for Clear Channel)

LAS VEGAS, NV – SEPTEMBER 21: Adam Levine of Maroon 5 performs onstage during the iHeartRadio Music Festival at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on September 21, 2013 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images for Clear Channel)

People Magazine has crowned its 2013 Sexiest Man Alive! The winner? Adam Levine, singer of Maroon 5 and coach of The Voice, bearer of many tattoos and utterer of many stupid statements. Apparently, Levine is deserving of the Sexiest Man Alive title, so congrats to him! I think. You know, because he reads The Gloss so much and will totally see this. So, how does he feel about his newfound glory? In his People interview, he voices poorly-acted awe:

“As a musician, you have fantasies that you want to win Grammys, but I didn’t really think that this was on the table,” the singer tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story. “I was just amazed and stunned and it almost seemed like they were kidding, but they weren’t, so that’s cool.”

Of course, I do not agree with People‘s choice (sorry, Leviners, if that is what you call yourselves), but that is a discussion we will elaborate on very soon. For now, I’ll try to come up with what People may have been thinking when they made this choice:

  • Adam Levine is on The Voice. That is a popular show with a lot of humans, though I am not entirely sure why.
  • Adam Levine is engaged to Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo, though I am not entirely sure if that matters to anybody, either, considering he’s dated about half of VS’s roster.
  • Adam Levine has a high vocal range, so he can sing you sexy, sexy lullabies.
  • Adam Levine sang “She Will Be Loved,” which was in my eighth grade AIM profile. I think I bolded “loved” and made it red.
  • Adam Levine is not Bradley Cooper, which means hopefully nobody will literally protest his new title.

Other than those semi-facts, I am totally lost on the appeal of Adam Levine. If you can prove it to me, by all means, go for it. Otherwise, I think I’ll label this one a loss for People.

So, who is the Sexiest Man Alive? Well, we have our own nominees

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  • Misenhammer

    Oooh. Total wiff. I cannot bring myself to be attracted to this man.

  • Cee

    Meh total douche lord. Don’t get his appeal. Girls show me that almost naked pic to justify him, meh generic 20-30 something pretty boy bod.
    I’m sure there are other generic pretty boys they could have unsurprisingly chosen without choosing someone so douchey!

    • Cee

      Also, Tom Hiddleston has won this as a lifetime award in my mind and in my heart

    • Anonachocolatemousse

      He is in indeed an amazing example of a man.

  • Char

    Yeah, the only reason I can see hm getting this is because of his exposure from being on The Voice and People Mag grasping at some “relevancy” that way. I don’t know. I feel like I could name at least 5-10 better choices off the top of my head for this.

    I used to think he was decently attractive (never sexy) when Maroon 5 first came out but as Cee said now he’s a total douche lord and, for me, that always brings your hotness factor into the negative.

  • Anonachocolatemousse

    RYAN GOSLING. The end (seriously though would it kill People to give the people what they’ve asked for?).

    I like his music, but I’m pretty sure I stopped being attracted to him after I turned 19.

  • http://sarahhollowell.com/ Sarah Hollowell

    My friend has this like crazy love for him that makes me actually scared to say I don’t really like him. Like I see that he’s attractive, but I’ve never read anything about him as a person that didn’t make me roll my eyes and want to punch him.