We’re not sure how the decision was made, nor precisely who made it, but Adam Levine is definitely not the “Sexiest Man Alive,” and I’m a little peeved that People Magazine would crown him as such. I can only assume that they are not, in fact, run as I wish they were: by Krysten Ritter playing Chloe in Don’t Trust The B–if all publications worked that way, I think I would have more actual magazine subscriptions.
Alas, no. People has apparently decided on somebody we don’t quite understand the appeal of (though perhaps I am still a little sore about that whole “publicly ridiculing a harmless 7-year-old” thing). To be fair, the public will never find collective happiness with the declaration of the Sexiest Man Alive (remember GoslingGate?), but nevertheless, we here at The Gloss believe there just has to be somebody better. Here are our choices, as well as those from lots of other people I polled–let us know if you agree.
As a side note, do people who receive “Sexiest ____ Alive” get to keep their trophies or whatever after they’re no longer the sexiest?
Holy crap, he came up so many times when I asked people this question. I’m not even sure what he’s doing right now career-wise, but I think it’s safe to say that whatever it is, it’s very, very attractive.
I don’t know a single human who wouldn’t make out with Donald Glover. And if I do know anybody who wouldn’t, then hi: this is your formal notice that we are no longer buddies, buddy.
My friend Roxanne first showed me Derrick Comedy’s “Mad Hatter” (I Tarzan!) video that he was in when we were in high school. And I remember thinking that he was entirely too adorable and that I needed to find a boyfriend like him someday. Witty, weird, wonderfully good looking (okay, the alliteration was a bit of a struggle there, but you get the picture). 7 years later and I’m still super into it, as are millions of other folks, which I feel like makes him one of our generation’s ultimate crushes.
Just as with Donald Glover, if you don’t find Aaron Paul infinitely awesome, I don’t know how you live with yourself. He’s kind to his fans, an excellent actor, a positive role model and just head over heels in love with his wife from what we, the public, can tell. He’s 2013′s Prince Charming.
Alexis may be the first person to have recommended him for this list today, but man, everyone I know is obsessed with this dude. To put it in the words of the great Patrick Verona, “What is it with this chick? She have beer-flavored nipples?” Except, you know, for a dude.
Sir Patrick Stewart
Knighted, honored and lobstered, Patrick Stewart is a god among ball pits. While I obviously love him for his talent, hilarity, dashing baldness and incredible voice that read A Christmas Carol on tape to me many December nights as a kid, it’s really his humanitarian work devoted to ending violence against domestic violence that is so striking.
BONUS: Sexiest Best Friends Alive: Sir Patrick Stewart & Sir Ian McKellen
I cannot think of a single pair of male BFF celebrities whose friendship more deserving of adoration and awe. And they’re both knighted. Seriously, if you and your favorite dudebro have both been knighted, by all means, step up because I’m taking you to adult prom.
H. Jon Benjamin
I genuinely believe I’ve never head a more attractive voice that Jon Benjamin’s. For those not familiar, he’s voiced Archer of Archer, Bob on Bob’s Burgers, multiple characters in Home Movies, and tons of other roles. He’s also got that Santa Claus twinkle in his eyes (minus the whole “sees you when you’re sleeping” eeriness), and I have had a terribly strong celebrity crush on him for like 4 years now.
Not only did Jess of Gurl note this very obvious, very hot choice, but so did a ton of other people I asked. Honestly, I have a feeling he’d be in the top 3 most repeated picks if we randomly asked folks on the street, but that would require me to be social with strangers and use the word “sexy” too much. Let’s just leave it at this: DiCaprio was a total hottie, and then he started trading in models like he was building a f’ing fantasy football league.
I remember being in high school and seeing this video of him performing a joke about Dane Cook. It made me laugh so hard, I possibly peed a little. He also reminds me of a dude I dated who is one of my only exes that doesn’t suck. Clearly, my standards are way the F up there when it comes to declaring awards. (But in all seriousness, I think Anthony Jeselnik is hysterical and crazy attractive; those powers combined make him Sexiest Man Alive material.)
Ashley reminded us all of Mr. Stewart Jarrett, who played Curtis Donovan, i.e. the hottest character on Misfits (IMO). Apparently, dude has incredible style these days. Seriously, take a quick look at this link and try to tell me you aren’t doing a little hyperventilating. (Note to all dudes/humans/sentient beings ever: don’t ever underestimate how far a solid outfit will get you.) It doesn’t hurt that he is gorgeous, obviously, but his getup is simply killing it.
But wait! There’s more…including my #1 pick.