What Your Salad Says About Your Sex Life

It's Always Salad In Philadelphia

…It’s always salad in Philadelphia.

Not too long ago, I wrote about the perils of salad shaming, but now that we’ve all gotten our feelings regarding critical salad stress out in the open, it’s time to talk about how salad describes your personality. Namely, what your choices say about your sex life.

Whether you choose edamame over corn, lettuce over kale, dressing mixed in or on the side…it reveals just so much, guys. And not all of that is good. From being a sociopath to having a 1950s nostalgia complex to being a compulsive over-spender whom everybody loves, your salad toppings say a ton about you. And you should take this gallery really, really seriously because it’s scientifically based on evidence gathered by Saladropologists.*

Oh, and if you want a salad that will make your complexion glow, check out Liz’s guide on salads with skin-beautifying ingredients! That way, every time somebody asks why you chew lettuce all day like a goddamn brontosaurus, you can smugly grin and then send beams of sexy, sexy light from unreasonably smooth face. (But seriously, try those salads–they’re crazy good.) Anyway, onto your sex life, saladists!

*This is not a thing.

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    • Elizabeth

      Ahahhaha “You’re the Walmart of people.”

    • Anonachocolatemousse

      Some of these are very accurate for me….especially kale. NAILED IT.

    • Vanessa Vieira

      i love macaroni salad, and cheddar cheese…

      • Samantha_Escobar

        But you’re an ultimate salad master, so you are exempt from Salad Standard Act of 1743.

      • Samantha_Escobar

        Also all that matters is that you don’t like shrimp.

    • Joanna Rafael

      You got me on kale AND peaches.

    • Sarah

      avocado… yes :p

    • Mandie

      Feta and kale because apparently I am a walking Cosmo article.

      • Samantha_Escobar

        Oh girl, I regularly put “mani/pedis” and “self-spa dates” into my calendar. I have been a walking Cosmo article for my whole life, I think.

    • Michele the Trainer

      Sexy Salad? Buy the number one book on Sexy Salads!
      Sexy Salads here!: