As you may have noticed Wednesday, we feel a little confusion overÂ Adam Levine‘s pick for “Sexiest Man Alive” byÂ People Magazine (as does everyone, it seems). I polled our staff and my friends to see who folks consider theÂ real Sexiest Man Alive and the results were awesome. However, many people voiced picks who do not exactly qualify forÂ People‘s original poll. That is, they are men–but they are not alive.
So, friends, here we have it: your Sexiest Men Not Alive. It’s by no means a comprehensive list, but it’s what we’ve got so far. Tell us in the comments if there’s anybody you’d add!
If there was anybody I wish I could resurrect and go dancing with–a thought that I do, indeed, feel weird about writing down–it’s Desi Arnaz. I can’t think of almost anybody in the history of time that is more attractive to me.
Yeah, sure, eventually he went on to kill a ton of people and be one of the biggest jerks in fictional history, but before that, he was just a misunderstood kid who felt stressed out by his weirdness. He also looked like every prep school douchebag inÂ Law & Order: SVU history, but c’est laÂ Potter.
As you saw on my first, alive-guys list, I findÂ H. Jon Benjamin crazy attractive. One of his best characters is Sterling Archer, the suave, weird, dickheaded super spy with mommy issues whose black turtlenecks and excellent cartoon tuxes make me wish I knew more dudes who dressed like spies IRL. Complete with Benjamin’s voice (i.e. #1 on my “Sexiest Voices Alive” list), and Archer is the perfect cartoon hottie. Oh god, I can’t believe I just typed out the words “cartoon hottie.”
One of the best jazz musicians in history with easily the best name of all time, Thelonious Monk also had impeccable style. With his trademark glasses, hats and suits, he oozed attractiveness. There’s just about nothing more attractive than an insanely talented person, so I imagine that back in the day, he was probably every straight woman’s dream.
This was one of Caitlin from Gurl‘s picks! You know you loved him. We all loved him. With his adorably loose long-sleeved shirts and his knack for invariably finding things wrong with all his partners, he would be the perfect emotionally unavailable boyfriend to have inane conversations with.
I know everyone hatesÂ The Mindy Project but oh good god, I love it so much. And I just love Danny Castellano’s character, he is so adorably and reluctantly goofy.
Speaking of people who have been onÂ The Mindy Project,Â Anders HolmÂ AKA the fellow who plays Ders onÂ Workaholics amuses me to no end. While he’s the most responsible member of the stoner trio, he’s also a ridiculous human being. A tall, confusingly attractive human being whose voice is A+ in every way. I would like to drink slurpies with him just once in my life.
The character is the best inÂ Romeo & Juliet, by far, in my opinion. But in any film version, I can’t imagine a more chilling portrayal that the one byÂ Harold Perrineau, who is himself a dubiously attractive man. And his wardrobe? From an open shirt to the ridiculous sparkly bra he wears in the party scene, that version was prime material for a Sexiest Man Alive nominee.
Oh, you and IÂ both know that if theÂ Harry Potter series had an official Sexiest Dudes calendar, Mr. Black would be on the cover just about all the time. A misunderstood rebelÂ with a cause? Solid.
Given how obsessed everybody is withÂ Benedict Cumberbatch, one can only assume it has a lot to do with the character he plays. To be fair, Sherlock Holmes has been portrayed by many actors, but none that folks seem to find nearly as love-worthy as Cumberbatch.
All I care about is the Halloween special that was likeÂ Scream, except with pencils measuring people named Kenny and Mr. Fenny NGAF. Eric Matthews was a hero all throughÂ Boy Meets World, although toward the end he seemed unable to take care of himself even a little bit.
Now, for the ultimate Sexiest Man Not Alive, plus a few more.