We all know by now that Miley DGAF. Or that she does actually give a fuck, she’s just amazingly brilliant at trolling the entire American population with her tongue, her eyebrows, her clothes, her music videos, and her general cultural-appropriating-’n- getting-wild persona. You might think that Miley’s tongue is her most DGAF body part, given its current appearance nearly everywhere on tour for this album, but clearly her vagina is putting in its hours in promotion of Bangerz, too.
Here’s what we think we can discern about Miley Cyrus nether regions’, based on her recent performances:
1. It’s completely (or mostly) hairless. It’s basically impossible to wear those kind of SPRING BREAK 1992 DAYTONA BEACH style bottoms if you have any pubic hair whatsoever. So, I’m making the assumption that Miley keeps her lady garden well-groomed, if you know what I mean. I can kind of see her having a ‘lil landing strip, though, just because that seems like her style.
2. It’s not shy. Because it’s basically juuuuuuust about to introduce itself to the world every time Miley steps onstage.
3. It’s not claustrophobic. Confined spaces like above? NO PROBLEM. Miley’s ladyflower keeps on keepin’ on.
4. It is, however, jealous of the freedom her tongue has. We’ve seen so much of Miley’s tongue that maybe her yoni is getting jealous and finally wants to break free. By the looks of her costumes, it can do so at any minute.
5. It’s down for whatever. Rubbing up against a foam finger? Check. Miley’s vagina is ready for all the strange places she puts it—even naked on a dirty looking wrecking ball. As a matter of fact, Miley’s probably the perfect target audience for invisible panties!
I want to say that I am 100% in favor of however Miley wants to clothe her coochie. I do not mean to body-shame or slut-shame or any kind of shame the girl for her style and her groove. Or her ladyparts, for that matter. I can’t say I thought I’d be quite so well-acquainted with those ladyparts at this point in time, but hey, she’s just being Miley, right?
Photos: Getty Images