According to Joe Jonas, Disney is an even stricter dad than the one from The Wonder Years. The former JoBro opens up to New York Magazine about dating Taylor Swift, smoking weed with a teenage Miley Cyrus, and watching Demi Lovato punch a chick in the face. Prepare yourself.
In the most depressing personal essay of the week, Jonas opens up about the immense pressure Disney put him under as a young man. The now 24-year-old says, “I had to shave every day because they wanted me to pretend like I was 16 when I was 20.” That sounds healthy! He also reveals that the band’s famous “purity rings” were (SHOCKER!) all an act. “I lost my virginity when I was 20,” he reveals.
I kind of want to laugh, because duh, nobody was really buying the virginal Sunday School act when they were blatantly singing about their love of
pom-poms breasts, but I can’t help but feel for the guy. I can’t even imagine how stressful it would be to balance being the Perfect Christian Role Model and a hormonal teenager at the same time.
Sadly, Jonas suggests that maintaining “the image” was even harder on his female colleagues. “I really got to know [Demi Lovato] and got to see the ins and outs of what she was struggling with, like drug abuse,” he says about his former girlfriend. He goes on to mention a time Demi “ended up punching a girl in the face on a plane, because she thought the girl was blaming her for something.” Yikes.
And if that’s not bad enough, the young stars were reportedly compared to each other almost constantly. Jonas talks about one of my least favorite public scandals of all time– when naked photos of an 18-year-old Vanessa Hudgens were leaked against her will:
We’d hear execs talking about it and they would tell us that they were so proud of us for not making the same mistakes, which made us feel like we couldn’t ever mess up.
Uh, first of all, it’s not your “mistake” when someone you trust betrays you like someone did to Vanessa. Second of all, it’s so extremely messed up to tell teenagers they have to be flawless and wholesome and smiley even in privacy.
Still, Jonas got to have some fun. He reminisces about former girlfriends and gets the opportunity to not-so-subtly call his ex Taylor Swift “batshit crazy” (and he claim he’s above calling her out in a song, despite the fact that he blatantly calls her out in a song). He also got to try drugz with hot girl!
The first time I smoked weed was with Demi and Miley. I must have been 17 or 18. They kept saying, ‘Try it! Try it!’ so I gave it a shot, and it was all right.
Teenagers trying marijuana?! Scandalous.
If I learned anything from this essay– I mean, besides the whole Demi-face-punch story– it’s that my dreams of heading a Disney Channel show were delusional. You child stars were handed a shitty deal, even if you did get to draw the Mickey Mouse ears with a glowstick in those awesome commercials.