When you picture Victoria Beckham decorating a Christmas tree, what do you see? Her wearing a skintight LBD, climbing a ladder in four-inch heels, and hanging a Posh Spice doll on the highest bough? If you make everything in the background bubblegum pink, you’re exactly right.
The former Spice Girl and lifetime purveyor of Girl Power posted this aggressively pink photo on her Instagram today, along with the utterly brilliant caption, “Christmas can be dangerous fashion bunnies! #VBMAS x vb.” Of course she did. I have a really hard time reminding myself that she’s a real person and not just a sexy cartoon superimposed onto real life like Lola Bunny in Space Jam.
Because Christmas is a time of giving, Beckham also gifted us with a glorious Instagram video of herself spreading the legs of the mini Posh doll, who’s (duh) wearing angel wings, and then shoving the doll crotch-first onto the top of the tree. We also get another totally rose colored clip of Beckham bend-and-snapping as she arranges presents. And a seemingly unrelated video of a sleepy cat inside a purse.
Is she Barbie? Is she a living Barbie? Is she that one brunette Barbie doll whose hair you cut short with safety scissors because you decided she was the intellectual one? She did once say she didn’t want to be photographed next to food because, and I quote, “We don’t want anyone to know I eat. Why ruin it?” And her children keep appearing without her body changing drastically. And, I mean, David Beckham is basically Ken… if you don’t take into consideration the soccer star’s famous bulge.
Yep, that settles it. There’s nothing out of the ordinary in any of these pictures or videos, because Victoria Beckham graduated from the Spice World bus to the Barbie Dreamhouse and she is only allegedly real. Merry Christmas, fashion bunnies.