Joan Rivers Wages Sad, Hopeless Blood Feud Against Jennifer Lawrence

joan-rivers-jennifer-lawrence-fightJoan Rivers‘ latest quest for relevance pains me to my core. She’s a hilarious stand-up and her appearance on Louie was brilliant, and I want to remember her that way. But I can’t because her E! Fashion Police run as head of a clique of semi-qualified red-carpet gadflies has been marked not by humor but by fat-shaming, body-snarking, dumb insults like “butterface,” and just general unfunny awfulness. As if that weren’t sad enough, Rivers has taken to trying to start Twitter feuds with other, more famous people like Anna Wintour, but her current favorite target is the uber-popular Jennifer Lawrence.

It all started when Jennifer Lawrence made a comment in an interview in which she criticized E!’s Fashion Police for the body-snarking that is its stock in trade.

“Shows like the Fashion Police and things like that are just showing these generations of young people to judge people based on things [that don't matter] … They put values in all the things that are wrong and [show] that it’s ok to just point at people and call them ugly and call them fat and they call it fun.”

Jennifer Lawrence was right, but Joan Rivers will not stand for any criticism of her beloved TV show, and has now taken to yelling at Jennifer Lawrence on Twitter the way my sister’s very small lapdog spends all day looking out the window of her apartment and barking angrily at much bigger dogs down on the street. And now she’s complaining about J-Law to the New York Post:

“I love that she’s telling everyone how wrong it is to worry about retouching and body image, and meanwhile, she has been touched up more than a choir boy at the Vatican. Look at her posters. She doesn’t have a nose, she has two holes. She just has to learn, don’t talk if you’re doing it.”

Of course Jennifer Lawrence, being a movie star, gets the heck Photoshopped out of her on a regular basis. It is pretty much impossible for a woman to be on magazine covers and movie posters and in Dior ads these days without basically being painted over. Lawrence is not Photoshopping herself, though, and she has definitely pointed it out when it happens. Saying, “Of course it’s Photoshop, real people don’t look like that!” of her own Dior ads is one of her more charming and memorable moments as America’s Pretend Best Friend, so Rivers’ assertion that being on magazines somehow undermines Lawrence’s ability to talk about Photoshop does not ring true.

But Rivers is not letting go of this sad, pathetic blood feud. She even told the Post that her New Year’s resolution is to figure out how to make sure Lawrence “grows up,” because criticizing Joan Rivers’ TV show is a sign of immaturity or something.

My New Year’s resolution is [ensuring] Jennifer Lawrence grows up and realizes how lucky she is and calms down,” Rivers said.

But Jennifer Lawrence, like Anna Wintour, has been too busy to respond to Rivers’ jabs. Maybe instead of trying to start shit with famous people, this year Rivers’ New Year’s resolution should be to write some new jokes that don’t rely on “fat” as the punchline.

Via NYMag/Photos:WENN

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    • chucky

      Elizabeth, you must be fat.

      • Jason Chapman

        and you must be 7.

      • Samantha_Escobar

        Ironically/not ironically whatsoever, Chucky has the word “child” in his email address. Go figure.

      • carly tenney

        uh, UpChuck …I’m not fat and I agree with Elizabeth!

      • megan03

        Chucky—why be insulting to the writer of this piece just because you may not agree with her? You’re no better than Rivers.

      • Frances Locke

        Chucky, you must be a douche bag.

    • Athena

      Great article, Elizabeth!. I agree with Jennifer Lawrence…there is no entertainment value in humiliating people. Rivers schtick is tired and this is a desperate attempt to remain relevant. Considering how beloved Jennifer Lawrence is, Rivers just looks even more pathetic.

      • carly tenney

        she should not have picked on one of the most popular and well respected young actresses. Joan River’s expiration date is soooo over!

      • JLH1986

        I wouldn’t even go that far. She shouldn’t have “picked” on someone who is articulate and seemingly just doesn’t give a shit about Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers is used to everyone going with the flow or people spinning out and acting foolish in response to her. J.Law is apparently doing neither and Rivers doesn’t know what to do.

      • megan03

        I am no fan of Lawrence—but I’m less a fan of Rivers. At least, Lawrence has something decent to say occasionally–Rivers never has and never will. She is a disgrace on the Fashion Police –not funny but just plain mean.

      • Samantha_Escobar

        Agreed. I’m not a huge fan of Jennifer Lawrence–and being anything less than obsessed with her is seen as weird/wrong/awful–but I’ve been so incredibly sick of Joan Rivers lately. She just seems bored and desperate to stir up pseudo-feuds for publicity rather than coming up with new material and/or some other type of show besides Fashion Police.

    • Lindsey Conklin

      Ew, Joan Rivers is rude. I don’t appreciate that kind of bullying…or this guys

    • mary Wms

      Rivers has always been known for her “wit” so to speak. She’s has a tongue that is sharp and hurtful at times and the worse thing about it, she doesn’t realize she’s doing it OR what was funny at one time isn’t anymore – She needs to retire the sooner the better. Trouble is, no one will tell her that – she still knows too many people at the top. YO JOAN – RETIRE YOU AREN’T FUNNY ANYMORE JUST PATHETIC

      • JLH1986

        It’s kinda like Lady Gaga. She’s talented for sure, but her years spent shocking people pretty much means that she’s recycling the same crap. Rivers is the same. Her jokes are tired and old, her criticisms are tired and old, hell she is tired and old.

    • Sarah Anne Lloyd

      Can we also talk about how that “choir boy touched up at the Vatican” joke is not only TIRED AS FUCK, but… shitty? Like, really shitty.

      • carly tenney

        thank you! That was a very unfunny joke. This woman is just plain old pathetic! And her show is nothing but nasty comments made about people who wouldn’t give her the time of day and don’t really care what the heck she thinks! BLECH!

      • megan03

        Looks like you can’t comment either without a dirty mouth—
        Can’t you criticize Rivers without resorting to filth?

      • Frances Locke

        Um, are you comparing saying “shitty,” to making fun of little kids being molested? Seriously? How fucking shitty.

      • Sarah Anne Lloyd

        Thanks for getting to that first.

    • Guest238

      Perhaps Joan Rivers needs to figure out how to grow up herself.

    • Mike

      What else would you expect from someone for whom photoshopping could never help out in a million years. You’ve become a very sad and pathetic woman, Joan.

    • Frances Locke

      I used to love Joan, but that awful show she’s on made me hate both her and Kelly Osbourne. Joking about choirboys being molested is just icing on my hate cake.

    • Rachel

      I don’t understand what Joan Rivers is trying to do here. She’s just making herself look awful.

    • jlawislame

      Joan is completely right. I am so sick of actresses saying it’s the media, not them, who perpetuate the stereotypes. I’ve never heard a kid say, I’d like to be like Jennifer Lawrence, and allow myself to appear one way (thin and pretty) but really be something else, because she’s REAL and the media is fooling us (Probably, since that is a new way to say, “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, because I’m not beautiful, but I’m cool enough to point that out”) She’s pretty, and rightly exploits it, and then claims it’s not her whose helping to perpetuate negative female stereotypes. I could go on and on about how terrible of a person she is, and how its so backwards to respect her for a role where she played a very ill woman, and people said oh that’s so cute and funny, not damaging in any way to the plight of those with mental health issues or facing the grief and pain of loss, and are now judged because she ‘got over it so well’ in the film….but that wasnt her either, nothing is ever her fault…)
      If you don’t like the fact we are an insanely superficial society, get out. You can’t deny it, and as soon as Joan Rivers (the queen of plastic surgery, so its all very hilarious overall) points it out, she’s an asshole? If she were a man, she’d be respected and THERE’S your double-standard, ugly women hating on the pretty ones who have opinions.
      Just like a pregnancy isn’t only HIS fault, (E.g. he got me pregnant), the media isn’t the only one who should be blamed for her photoshopped pics. (E.g. They made me do it, it’s not like I was paid or anything).

      • mary Wms

        What ARE you rambling about?

      • indio7777

        Wait. So you side with a woman who jokes about Jews being exterminated and date rape, but rail against Jennifer Lawrence who is an actress doing her thing and trying to be ‘good’? You’re twisted and disgusting…just like Joan Rivers.

    • Josey

      I love Lawrence when she’s reciting Shakespeare: “Just like it was like so, and I told my friends who I swore on a stack of bibles like so you know, it’s like I just couldn’t believe it…” I’m not familiar with that particular sonnet but it was brilliant!