• Thu, Dec 26 - 4:30 pm ET

Please Never Name Your Kid Anything From The “Most Extraordinary Baby Names Of 2013″ List

Earlier this year, the former EIC of our sister site Mommyish Koa Beck informed me of a phenomenon wherein parents “swoop” in on the baby names their friends, family members and acquaintances have chosen. As in, one pregnant woman will say to her friend, “I’m thinking about the name Pillowcase for my little bun in the oven,” and her friend will think, Hmm, I’m going to give birth before her, perhaps I should take advantage of this name opportunity as it already perfectly encapsulates the identity I have pre-defined for my fetus. It’s not like the first friend can do anything to stop the second one; she will just have to find a different name or there’ll simply be two Pillowcases.

In order to combat this, as well as the never-ending pursuit of being “unique” with baby names*, Bounty.com has come up with a list of the “Most Extraordinary Baby Names of 2013.”

The list of boy names starts out normal-weird enough with Tiger and Tucker, but quickly progresses to Prosper, Perseus, Luck, London and oh-my-god-are-you-serious Lohan. The list for girls is pretty odd, featuring Tea, Pinky, Peppa, Nirvana and Ream. For some reason, two my least favorites are the ones that are commonly associated with fashion: Dior and Vogue. It’s like when people name their kid Ferrari or Bentley; it just sort of sounds dumb.

As we have been over in the past, some names are dealbreakers and some names are hot makers (yes, I made up that descriptive term, just go with it), but I am not sure where “Vogue” falls. Should I be writing about a human named Vogue, I would feel awkward not automatically italicizing it, but I would also feel awkward because her name would be Vogue and there is no easy nickname for that and I am a nicknaming type of person.

However, the ultimate ridiculous ones that I just can’t quit possibly understand why anybody would choose: Pepsi, Paradise, PUPPY. Puppy. Puppy. Who the eff is naming their human child Puppy? Yes, babies are often loud and excitable and pee everywhere, much like young dogs, but they do not stay that way, and long after your kid is potty-trained and can actually form words, she will still be named Puppy. And she will hate you for that.

*For the record, I am so very guilty of this and have plans to name my kid after an herbaceous plant you can put in food, so hopefully nobody thinks I’m being too harsh.

[H/T Jezebel]

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  • Lindsey Conklin

    Peppa? Tiger? Pepsi? oh, no, no, no.

  • kj

    I have already decided that my first son will be Ossington… BF and mother and law are resigned to this. Ossington is the coolest street in Toronto, and also has a kind of dignified ring to it. Plus he will get a middle normal name in case he doesn’t grow up to be a famous theatre actor or whatever career would befit an “Ossington.”

    My sister has joked about naming her (theoretical) girl twins “Jane and Finch” after the notoriously sketchy Toronto neighbourhood… I guess the geography fetish runs in the family :P

  • Sarah

    You’re going to name your child Basil, aren’t you. That’s fine, I’m ok with that. But KJ – mike doughty has a song called ossington. Just an FYI, for the christening/bris/ first bday, what have you.

    • Romylove

      Maybe Saffron, like Christina Hendrick’s character from Firefly.
      Or Rosemary? Lavender? Angelica? Rue?

    • E. D.

      Sage? I know a little girl named Sage and it really fits.

    • Samantha_Escobar

      Not Basil, nope :( But I do love that word and how it sounds!

  • anna

    London’s an ok name! Not the best, like most place names. But it’s relatively common

    • http://toyboxkiller.tumblr.com/ Cate

      I also can’t hate Olympia (Ollie for short!) or Rosielee. It’s a little country, but overall pretty cute.

  • Alexis Rhiannon

    Ream is the worst one. Don’t fight me on this.

    • Romylove

      It’s only okay if your last name is paper and you know your child will have an amazing sense of humor.

    • http://toyboxkiller.tumblr.com/ Cate

      All I want are twin girls, Ream and Pinky.

  • elle

    I wish people would stop naming their kids London. Only cuz it’s my name and I liked having a unique yet relatively normal name. Now it’s just hipster. And it can be a boys name meet London Fletcher, Washington Redskins linebacker. And every girls name on that list is just awful. Please do not ever name your kid Tea or Pinky, just don’t.

  • MelbaHollman

    what does it explain the main name for the extraordinary baby name of 2013?
    http://maximumshred-us.tumblr.com/

  • JLH1986

    I thought I was weird for wanting to name a daughter Pemberley Jane (PJ for short). But I think Puppy for a kid’s name wins the “what the hell?” award.

    • Lainey Roberts

      ur wrong for that! lol (re: my comment)

  • Mandie

    Prosper sounds like a role for Jeff Bridges.

  • Lainey Roberts

    i don’t know now, my nickname from my father was puppy! i liked it! better than my REAL name which was Eleanor. u c what i go by now for the past 25 yrs….

  • arrow2010

    What about Katniss?

  • Eileen

    I think Perseus is kind of okay, but that’s because I was into Greek mythology as a kid and even went through a period of wanting to name a daughter Andromache. (That period is over, although for the record it was only ever going to be a middle name)

  • Anne Marie Hawkins

    Am I the only one picturing baby Vogue’s parents singing a kidded-down version of the Madonna classic to get the kid out of the house for school?