I Cannot Handle How Much Applebee’s Thinks People Will Pay To Spend New Year’s Eve There

Applebee's expects customers is spend nearly $400 on New Year's Eve tickets.

Photo: Flickr

An ultra-planned New Year’s Eve is rarely a perfectly smooth experience,* to say the least, what with wayward dates, freezing temps, and wildly crowded bars (and grossly unrealistic expectations regarding all of those things). But one restaurant franchise thinks you will be willing to spend an exorbitant amount of attending its NYE party because obviously, it is probably your best–if not only–bet. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Applebee’s “Night To Remember” at its Time’s Square location in New York City.

While you may be imagining streamers made of cheesy bacon-covered potato skins raining down on the heads of patrons, all of whom are wasted from 540-calorie Mudslides and dancing to last year’s B-list hits, Applebee’s will apparently be serving a significantly classier menu than its usual 2-for-$20 deal. Wait, no, just kidding–according to NY Post, it’ll be a buffet, which is arguably worse, as well as some other crap:

The party, which starts at 8 p.m. and wraps up at midnight, features an extensive buffet, a “premium” open bar, a house DJ, a dance floor, plus party favors galore. And for those eager to see the ball drop, the restaurant lets patrons “make their way to the streets of Times Square.” As for the vittles themselves, be prepared for “a ton of food” (steak and shrimp included) prepared by “some fairly sophisticated culinary people,” says Zane Tankel, who heads up all 38 Applebee’s restaurants in the New York metro area. Add in the décor and “you wouldn’t know you were at an Applebee’s for that one night,” Tankel says.

They literally do not want you to even realize you’re in their restaurant. That is how bad they know they are.

Oh, and the price tag? It’s $375. Three-hundred and seventy-five dollars and zero cents. And for kids under 12, who are inexplicably in Time’s Square for New Year’s Eve and planning on attending a dance party with an open bar, it costs $250, Even the trendy–yet entirely too crowded for my curmudgeonly ass–bars around my Lower East Side neighborhood cost hundreds less than that for tickets. But hey, what were any of us expecting from a giant franchise in one of the most obnoxious, stressful areas of the city? And did I mention the whole “Applebee’s doesn’t even cook food” rumor?

To be fair, Applebee’s slogan is “see you tomorrow,” which is the one of the most strikingly boring and self-deprecating phrases for a restaurant that I can think of. They don’t even think you’re interested enough in their food to come in today for dinner, or even a late night post-tequila shot, even-TGI-Fridays-was-closed dessert. Today, in particular, their slogan is unbelievably wrong.

*Unless you play our super special MASH game, obviously.

[H/T The Wire]

Share This Post:
    • CMJ
    • Jenni

      Maybe some of us like Mudslides. And poppers. And fried vegetables smothered in cheese. Maybe try not to chain restaurant shame next time around, okay?

    • Lindsey Conklin

      $375?!?!?! WHAT?!

    • Kaitlin Reilly

      My friends and I promised each other that Applebee’s would never become our neighborhood bar several years ago, so I’m going to say no to this.

    • keelhaulrose

      It’s not all Applebees, its the Times Square Applebees. Your everyday one would never be able to get away with this, but location, location, location. People will pay a lot to party in Times Square on NYE.

    • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror
      • Humphrey Bugoy

        Sexy legs :)

    • sallyedelstein

      From Applebees to the Waldorf Astoria on New years Eve, how times have changed.

      Growing up I felt like Cinderella permitted to stay up to the stroke of
      midnight and watch along with millions of TV viewers as Guy Lombardo and
      his Canadian Mounties rang in the New year broadcasting live from the glamorous Waldorf Astoria Hotel in NYC.

      The epitome of high-bred good taste, the New Year extravaganza was telecast live from the famous Waldorf Astoria Hotel located on fashionable Park Avenue, where New
      York’s glamorous high society would welcome in the new year. For one night only, I too would be a part of “those who know life’s more sophisticated pleasures.” http://wp.me/p2qifI-1Wi

    • quelastima

      You aren’t paying that price for the food or ambiance. they are offering reservations at that price so that you don’t have to wait in times square from 7:00 AM wearing an adult diaper just so you don’t lose your spot close to the action- which people do- because times square is absolutely insane on new years. the price you are paying on new years eve gets you a free pass, through the crowds, past the barriers, starting at 8:00 pm. granted, it’s still very expensive, but if celebrating in times square is that important to you, and you have the money, I can see why someone would do that. I read that the Bubba Gump shrimp restaurant in times square has done the same thing for several years, at a price tag over $600. funny thing is, people pay it!! Applebee’s sucks, I wouldn’t go to the one in my neighborhood if you paid me, but hey, to each their own.

    • Harvey Wallbanger

      You live in New York, yet you can’t be bothered to spell Times Square correctly. Twice.