This year was all about bold lipstick, the reemergence of the crop top, and horrible awful peplums. What kinds of trends will 2014 bring? Here’s a totally accurate, 100% reliable guide to the upcoming year’s fashions.
1. Prison jumpsuits. Orange is the New Black was a huge hit in 2013, and all the buzz surrounding the show will surely make its second season even more popular. Just like the world tried to replicate Jennifer Aniston‘s Friends haircut, everyone this year will be sporting unwashed hair, baggy uniforms, and toothbrush shivs. Remember how Julianne Hough “honored” her favorite character by donning blackface? It’ll be just like that, except not horrible.
2. Ironic Hannah Montana merchandise. The reign of Miley Cyrus doesn’t look like it’ll be coming to a close anytime soon, and while MC obviously thinks of herself as a badass, we can’t let her forget her glittery, purple roots.
3. Horns. Disney’s upcoming Maleficent doesn’t need to be good– it stars Angelina Jolie as a sexy-terrifying villain. It seems pretty much inevitable that we’ll all start wearing capes and red lipstick and horns. Especially the horns.
4. Bellbottoms, platform shoes, and wrap dresses. The last season of Mad Men will probably take place in the early 1970s, and I’ll pretty much try to replicate anything I see on that show. (Did you know that bartenders look at you weird when you order an Old Fashioned? And that you can’t smoke cigarettes in your therapists’ office?)
5. Pixie cuts. The general public needs a year or two to come to terms with radical hairstyles, and since Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Lawrence, and Rihanna have all gone short, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of us get the courage. Short hair will look really good with our Maleficent horns.
6. Head-to-toe yellow. After seeing Kim Kardashian (arguably) pull it off, I feel like there must be at least a sliver of hope for us normals. Black is boring and white is too easy to stain. This will be the year of the Big Bird costume.
Are you prepared to make a Hannah Montana-themed jumpsuit, cut your hair off, and ram people with your pointy headdress? I thought so. Happy 2014!