If you often find yourself at the intersection of “I’m kind of a perv” and “I miss my Crayola 64 pack,” there’s finally a product on the market to fulfill all your needs. Now you can purchase a sex position coloring book. Called Sex Position Coloring Book. Because sometimes our dreams really do come true.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to unwind with a box of colored pencils and some outlines of naked people doing the deed on a kitchen table, and Hollan Publishing has made that an achievable goal. Not only is this book informative and educational (I didn’t know cartoons were so flexible?), but it doesn’t skimp on creativity when it comes to naming the positions. From “the Hasselhoff” to the obviously Anchorman-inspired “You Stay Classy,” this book knows its audience. Its audience is you and your dumb friends.
Oh, and the product description on Amazon, titled “SEX IS FUN! COLORING IS FUN! NOW, COLORING SEX IS FUN!!” is even better than you’d hope:
Thanks to this first-ever interactive intercourse guide, you and your lover can explore exciting new sex positions in an enjoyable, approachable and brightly colored way. Just be sure to stay inside the lines as you learn to be creative between the sheets. Perfect as a bachelorette, wedding shower or birthday gift, Sex Position Coloring Book is as hilariously playful as it is anatomically accurate. With 101 ready-to-color outlines of couples in real sex positions, this is the silliest yet most informative sex book a man and woman and a box of crayons have ever shared.
Thank you, Internet. You didn’t let us down today.
I think my future holds a date with one of these coloring books, a bottle of wine, a stupid bromance movie, a package of those flesh-colored Crayola markers, and my middle school sense of humor. Who wants to join?