• Fri, Jan 3 - 5:16 pm ET

They’ve Invented A New “Body Type” Just To Embarrass Women For Aging

body shapes

Whether you’re an hourglass, an apple, a pear, a stick figure, a diamond, or a tube, I think we can all agree that the names for women’s body types are so, so stupid

Despite wasting full hours in front of the mirror in middle school, I was never able to determine my shape (probably because it doesn’t, in any obvious way, resemble a fruit), even after I exhausted several guides in Cosmo and Seventeen. I always assumed I was weird for not being able to tell if I was a butt girl or a boob girl, but as it turns out, I was neither. Shockingly, I was shaped like a constantly growing and changing human body. Unbelievable!

A recent survey in the UK revealed that the majority of adult women have the “straight up and down” figure– a piece of information that the Daily Mail creatively contorts in order to write some dumbass article about how women get uglier as they age:

Two thirds of women across the country fall into the rectangle category. Women aged 56-plus are more than twice as likely to be a rectangle shape, which is defined by bust, shoulders and hips being the same width, than those aged 18-35. Researchers say this is because the majority of women lose definition around their middles as part of the aging process.

They cite Kim Catrall and Nicole Kidman as examples of well-known rectangles, but I can’t help but wonder why they snubbed Stick Stickly and Oblina from Aaahh!!! Real Monsters.

Nickelodeon

Nickelodeon

Last time I checked, both Catrall and Kidman are smoking hot, super curvaceous, and way undeserving of this unnecessary body shaming. It’s not BRAND NEW SCIENCE! that women’s waists look less defined as they age, and giving this “phenomenon” a name to separate it from the more-desirable hourglass shape is just kind of mean and unwarranted. The names for body types exist to help women find clothes that flatter them– not so that you can call middle aged women ugly in a new way. The DM also kindly call out Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow as model rectangles immediately after explaining that by “rectangle” they basically mean “too old to be hot.” Ew.

Why are we constantly looking for new words that mean “you don’t look like a Kardashian” when we could put our time to better use? Chances are, you’re not a rectangle or an hourglass or an inverted triangle– you’re probably a human-shaped person with human-like proportions who’s going to spend her life changing and morphing in human ways.

Via Daily Mail / Photo: Shutterstock

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  • Lindsey Conklin

    yeah, I felt like that article was super aggressive and rude, “nope, you’re a rectangle.”Human-shaped. I love it!

  • Jade

    I didn’t find this that offensive, though unnecessary to mention, but the Daily Mail in general is obnoxious, so I’m not surprised.

  • Charmless

    On what planet to Kim Catrall and Nicole Kidman have the same body type? They’re both stunning, but Kidman is about 6″ taller and willowy, and Catrall has what my grandmother would call a very ample bosom. Just further proof that the Daily Mail only exists to make everybody feel like shit.

  • I Like Pizza

    Thank you for reminding me about “AAH! Real Monsters.” Gonna see if Netflix has it on instant streaming!

  • Natalie

    I did this thing a couple years ago where you took your measurements then put them into a little generator and they tell you your body shape. It worked for all my friends except me. For me, it gave an error and said I had an “undefined” body type. I was body shamed by an online generator. It really sucked.

    • BlueCornMoon

      You didn’t die did you? I presume you’re alive & well. Rejoice in it! Women tend to gain weight around the middle as they age, esp after menopause,even if they are thin & work out. I’d say 95-98% of the trim midlife women at the gym have larger waists than they did in younger days. I know I do & I eat well & exercise A LOT. There are 2 tiny ladies at my gym who are high school slim but over the years their waists have gotten wider. Slim rectangles, now but they wear youthful styles & look great all the time

  • Kate Quinn

    I would hate to look like a kardashian. That would be embarrassing. WTFCs if someone says that rectangles are not hot. You don’t need to be an amped up, injected, dyed, plastic surgery rappers or ball-player’s wife to be good looking. Until recently, that “kardashian” look was equivocated with hookers and dirty girls and shunned by decent society… Looking good and healthy is great! Celebrate natural, wholesome good looks. F the K’s

    • shadysentinel

      Way to rise above the body-shaming there.

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    • zamedine

      I’m honestly impressed at the effort that must have taken to type. Way to raise the bar spam-bot.

  • Alexandra

    Rectangle was always a shape! Many athletes are rectangles (Well trained obliques means a less defined waist)
    And most asian clothing (On sites such as yesstyle) is catered to rectangle measurements. I remember trying to find clothes on there and nothing would fit because it was catered to slim hips, narrow shoulders and a broad waist.

  • Eileen

    These are the shapes that the Land’s End swimsuit catalogue has used for years: hourglass, inverted triangle, triangle, circle, and rectangle – with a star that indicates “looks good on every body type.” Rectangle is nothing new.

  • BlueCornMoon

    NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION !!
    —Eleanor Roosevelt
    SO DON’T GIVE THE BODY SHAMERS YOUR PERMISSION BY LISTENING TO, ACCEPTING, OR BELIEVING THE DUMB CRAP THEY PUT OUT !!!!

    Their MAIN reason for getting up in the morning is to make all of us women break out in self hatred & indulge in self destructive behavior for their amusement !