• Thu, Jan 16 - 2:37 pm ET

My Tumultuous Relationship With My Bushy Eyebrows

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I hate my eyebrows. I have always hated my eyebrows. When Jennifer Aniston had wispy little arches on Friends, I hated my eyebrows. Now that every ad in Vogue features Cara Delevingne‘s giant caterpillars, I hate my eyebrows. As a major proponent for self-love, this is hard for me to write. I hate hating my eyebrows. But I do.

They’re thick. They’re dark. They’re unruly. They’re curly. Left to their own devices, it would take approximately 12 hours for them to join forces and become one. No amount of gel, hairspray, clear mascara, or willpower can keep them from doing whatever the hell they want. I’ve tried everything and everything has failed me. If that seems overly dramatic, here’s a brief timeline of my eyebrows throughout high school and college:

my eyebrows at 15Here you can see one of my eyebrows at 15 years old, obviously plotting its escape from my face. Notice how half of it is growing in a different direction from the other half? It can’t be tamed.

my eyebrows at 17

Here they are again at 17, still taking it upon themselves to morph into whatever insane shape they feel like being. Did somebody hit me in the face with a lawn mower? No. That’s just my eyebrows.

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At 19, things still weren’t looking up. Leftie thought it might be fun to become a straight line. Rightie was going through a teenage rebellious phase. Sick of getting plucked, they insisted upon growing thicker than ever before.

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At 21, not much had changed. Still huge, still maintaining that idgaf attitude.

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At 22, we still had a long way to go. Piling on the products made a minuscule difference, but they were still my eyebrows.

my eyebrows at 23

And here they are, recently, at 23. Several hours of makeup got them to stay that shape for exactly as long as it took to take the photo. The second the flash went off, all hell broke loose again.

There comes a time in every woman’s life where she has to take a long look in the mirror, roll her eyes, and just give up. I’ve tried to tame my eyebrows. It’s not gonna happen. No matter how many old issues of Glamour I’m collecting in a basket somewhere, no matter how many beauty bloggers I’m subscribe to, no matter how many celebrity red carpet pics I’ve studied, it’s time to accept that I’m never going to look perfect. My eyebrows suck, and that’s just how it is. Does it matter? No. Does it drive me up a wall anyway? Sigh.

Am I the only one whose eyebrows have minds of their own? Is there something on your face or body that makes you just as crazy? Ease my mind by letting me know I’m not alone.

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  • Nads

    I think your eyebrows look great! They’re a really good shape. But it’s funny how much a few hairs out of place can dent confidence. Mine used to be completely out of control but I only started plucking them in my early 20s. Now 24 I’ve just started using eyebrow pencil (what a revolution, am I right?!) because I thought they were patchy (they were).

    I’m completely addicted to eyebrow pencils now…it makes me a little sad that I would prefer not to even go to the shops without having filled my eyebrows in a bit, but I won’t beat myself up too much about it.

    It’s your right not to be 100% happy with every one of your features. Self love is a great ideal, and part of that self-acceptance is, in a way, learning to be ok with not being ok with everything.

  • elle

    My eyebrows are the worst too. One of them is actually basically perfectly formed I just have to trim it except the outer half is basically invisible for no reason. I dye them and it helps but it’s still lighter like it doesn’t absorb the dye as fast. The other is so bushy that there is no taming it and it’s basically a straight line…..interestingly the hair on that side of my hair is thicker then the other half too. My eyebrows are also curly but I have naturally wavy hair.

  • ashlen

    Try Billion Dollar Brows! I fell in love with their line, they have some amazing products even for the unruliest of brows!

  • Carring3452

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  • Julia Sonenshein

    I know my opinion doesn’t super matter but I just want you to know that I fucking love your eyebrows.

  • Candace Lee Womack

    Have you tried trimming them short and filling with powder?

  • Ashley Reese

    I get my brows threaded and I really like the results. But TBH I think your brows look rad. Bushy brow girl solidarity.

    • the_mw

      Total agreement on threading. Changes the game.

  • Lindsey Conklin

    I kinda think your crazy because your eyebrows are awesome, I’m jealous!

  • Anne Marie Hawkins

    Hey, I love my caterpillars, and I think your eyebrows look great!

  • Roxanne Marie Zoltan

    My eyebrows could have had a life like yours (they started out the same and all the women in my family have bushy brows), but I overplucked them so much as an adolescent that they now grow in very sparsely and slowly. They’re patchy and strangely-shaped and short and I feel naked if I don’t fill them in. What I’m saying is that yours are gorgeous, and even though you have frustrations with them (which I totally understand having led mine to an untimely demise), it’s a good thing at least that those frustrations didn’t cause you to destroy them.