Vibrator Alarm Clock Will Ruin Orgasms Forever

wake up vibe

There is no alarm clock in the world that is not a hateful monster. Waking up early (before 11) just sucks, and there’s no way around that. But the people at Wake Up Vibe are trying to fix it anyway, by introducing an alarm clock that is also a vibrator.

The Wake Up Vibe is a little vibrator with a clock in it. You set the clock for your desired wake-up time and position the vibrator in your underpants. At the designated time, the vibrator will go to work and, theoretically, wake you with orgasms.

The theory is sound, but I’m highly skeptical of the practical aspect. For starters, a person would have to sleep very, very still to avoid this thing falling out and waking her up by going off in her ear or under a throw pillow at 7 a.m.

Even if it worked exactly as directed, I don’t see how this would get a person out of bed. It might wake a person up, but then she’ll just stay in bed and fall back asleep afterwards.

Also, I’m pretty sure this would ruin orgasms forever. There is no sound more awful than the sound of one’s alarm clock, whatever that sound may be. For a while I set my alarm clock to sound like wind chimes in the hopes that I would come to hate waking up less if I had to wake to a less horrible sound. Instead, I just developed a deep, abiding antipathy towards wind chimes. (Seriously, fuck wind chimes.) If a vibrating in your underpants is what wakes you up every morning, you’ll probably start to hate that, too.

Maybe a coffee alarm clock would work, or a massage alarm clock, but otherwise it does not seem like there is any solution to the pleasant wake-up problem.

H/T The Daily Mail

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