What do you do in your spare time when you have as much money as Kim Kardashian? Once you’ve tired of posting flattering Instagrams of your own butt, teaching people how to take flattering Instagrams of their own butts, buying Birkins with drawings of boobs on them, and rolling around in a swimming pool made of gold coins like a cartoon villain, you’ll naturally want to move on to cutting up designer dresses that cost more than a car.
Kim showed up for her appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, looking mildly bored and a little bit confused about how she ended up wearing polyurethane insulation. Her inevitable Instagram post about her outfit wasn’t able to explain how she turned cotton candy into a dress, but she did shed some light on the strip of visible skin under her ribcage: “Tonight’s look- #AllPinkEverything #DiorDressICutInto2Pieces #ManoloHeels #LorraineSchwartzJewels”
Okay, I’m sure when Kim Kardashian says that she cut a dress into two pieces, she actually means “one of my many employees who gets paid handsomely to follow my inane instructions all day” cut her dress into two pieces… but I’m throughly enjoying the image of Kim sitting on the floor of her bedroom, scissors in hand, trying to personalize a designer dress the way I did with all my sixth grade camp t-shirts. (Did you ever do that horrid thing where you cut one side of a boxy shirt into little strips and then tied them together to make it form-fitting? Do you know what I’m talking about? I was an extremely sexy middle schooler, basically.)
Can you imagine having so much money that you could just flippantly take fabric scissors to a Dior dress? Especially when the end result has the possibility to be this ugly? I mean, this is probably just my jealousy speaking, since ten minutes ago I was using a calculator to figure out how many meals I’d have to skip every week to be able to make my car insurance payments without worrying, but come on. If you’re going to alter such an expensive piece of clothing in such a big way, make sure it’s not going to make you look like an Easter bunny stuffed animal that got run over by the vacuum cleaner.
I can’t decide if this outfit is actually hideous or if I’m just really, really confused by Kim’s ability to casually cut up a designer dress. What do you think of it? Is it a fashion disaster, or am I totally overreacting?