• Tue, Jan 28 - 11:50 am ET

The Pros And Cons Of Having Sex With Pharrell If He Kept The Grammys Hat On

"The Night That Changed America: A GRAMMY Salute To The Beatles" - Arrivals

Pharrell Williams‘ hat choices have been confusing as of late, and he’s making my sex organs confused. He showed up at the Grammys on Sunday in an oversized, Vivienne Westwood Mountain hat, which spawned Internet meme upon Internet meme, including some hilarious Smokey The Bear-themed photos. Not content to make it a one-time use item (smart!), Pharrell trotted it out to last night’s The Night That Changed America: A GRAMMY Salute To The Beatles. Seriously, these people need to stop having parties, but that’s not important. What’s important is this question: would you have sex with Pharrell if he kept the hat on?

Pros:

  • It’s Pharrell fucking Williams.
  • He’s exceptionally talented, successful, an excellent performer, generally lovely in interviews, and an excellent candidate for a sex partner. I did just remember that he had a part in ‘Blurred Lines,’ so that takes him down a few notches in my eyes, but this is a fake sex fantasy world where sexism doesn’t exist and it’s not my job to write about it. In this world, I am just a nameless sex partner to Pharell.
  • Allegedly, some women like to keep their heels on during sex. But no one really wants to see a man keep his shoes or, much worse, socks on. Could a giant, oversized hat be the ticket?
  • He clearly loves the hat and feels great in it, so I can only imagine how that would translate, sex-wise.
  • I have always felt that being a big weirdo is the most attractive quality a person can have. Look at that hat. Bingo.

Cons

  • The hat could fall off and get wedged under your buttocks/between your bodies. It would disrupt the flow of doing sex stuff.
  • The hat could slide down over his face and obscure his view, causing him to accidentally try to enter your anus (if you’re not into that).
  • It could deflate due to activity and remind you of a flaccid, uncircumcised penis, which may impeded continued sexual activity

What’s your verdict?

Would you have sex with Pharrell if he kept the hat on?

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Photo: Getty Images

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  • Samantha Escobar

    Love Pharrell, but i bet that hat would hit me in the face a lot :(

  • Lindsey Conklin

    I think I would laugh to hard or accidentally call him Arby’s or something

  • Andie

    In this alternate fantasy world you are probably someone who likes being blindfolded. So he could put the hat over your eyes?