• Wed, Feb 5 - 11:20 am ET

Things That Suck About Getting Your Nails Did, In GIFs

This is very unlady-like of me, I know, but I hate getting my nails done. With the exception of rare occasions (i.e., weddings or succumbing to peer pressure) I will never willingly pay for a manicure. My extensive list of reasoning includes, but is not limited to the following.

1. I feel like this:

Mostly because the manicurist, without fail, harangues me on how advanced my degree is in nail destruction. I’m a biter and a picker and I’m well aware of how unattractive this nervous habit is, but damn it, leave the preachy “you must quit,” lectures to my bank account and liver.

2. Too many descisons results in this.

Picking out a polish color is like ordering food at the Cheesecake Factory. There are so many decisions that when it’s game time, I find myself eating a 3,500 calorie shrimp pasta that’s overly sauced and in no way resembles the scrumptious veggie burger and garden salad I initially envisioned. Somehow, my fingers always end up covered in shades resembling vomit or poo or a leaky highlighter.

3. It’s like they know they are torturing me.

It tickles. All the little maneuvers, massaging, lotions, hot wax, freaking torture. Just hurry up so I can have free reign of all 10 fingers again!

4. Frustration.

Because I always mess it up. So they look at me, understandably, like, are you freaking kidding? But I get itchy and restless and how long am I supposed to sit and do nothing while (hideous) paint dries?!?!

5. I’m often asked obnoxious questions.

Yes. I’m old enough to get a manicure by myself. No, I am not still in high school. And no, I don’t have a boyfriend. Please don’t ask me personal questions because I’ll involuntarily blush, which will make you think I’m lying about my age. Also, I can’t tell a difference between square vs. round nails, so you pick.

6. I immediately regret this decision.

Via.

Via.

This of course results in various forms of self-deprecation (with the help, of course, of the obvious mocking and lecturing). Thus, I brainstorm ways I can make it up to myself, which is actually a positive, i.e., froyo, wine and/or both. Ah, until we meet again nail salon.

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  • Kaitlin Reilly

    I am not a huge pro manicure person either because I’m so indecisive about the colors. I’d rather just paint my nails myself and not feel guilty if I’m not feeling the coral color I picked out two days ago anymore

  • tntkeo

    I thought I was the only one who didn’t care for manicures! For all the same reasons you stated above.

  • MammaSweetpea

    I love getting a manicure, usually I get UV gel nail tips put on. But I don’t go back for the refill when I’m supposed, because I’m not Peggy Bundy, I have shit to do and getting my nails redone on time is the last thing on my list. So when I do go, like a month and a half later, I get the lecture: Oh, you don’t come back, stay too long. Duh, I know that. I’m the one who’s been picking at them for the last 6 weeks. Just fix them cuz I don’t pay you to harass me.

  • anna

    I consider nails one of the luxuries I cannot afford and would like to put my name out for replacing all these manicures you hate. It must be nice to live in that world…

    • Lindsey Conklin

      Manicures are only 8$ in NYC!

    • anna

      holy shit another reason i’m glad to be moving in soon! everywhere I’ve ever been it’s been 35 plus tip.

    • sela1@att.net

      Good Lord! Where do you live? I am a licensed manicurist and I always charge $12!!!

    • Eva Lawrence

      Where do you get yours? The regular price for a regular manicure is usually around $10.

    • farfalle

      you don’t know the difference between square or round nails? did u skip through the “shapes” lessons in kindergarden?

    • Lindsey Conklin

      yep.

    • Trish Chasity

      where? they have Essie and O P I???

  • sara

    jesus fuckin christ, did jennifer wright hire intelligent high school level monkeys to replace her? I’m feeling less evolved by the second I read this. What a 1st world problem with 9th grade “writing” skills

    • Rebecca

      This post didn’t have the most intelligent “writing” skills, either. If you are going to make fun of a post, make sure yours is well written.

  • Guest

    You know, for that 30+ thing you are soo bored doing you could sponsor a child with unicef, providing food, water, clothes, and education. Spoiled bitch

    • Lindsey Conklin

      Actually. I do sponsor a child in India. And manicures are $8 in NYC. This is a fashion and beauty blog, just saying why my nails are always naked!

    • anna

      Was it always a fashion and beauty blog? I’ve been a long time reader and I really feel like the content has changed alot since Jen Wright left. Not for better or worse, just it has a very different feel. I actually have a lot of questions! Who’s the acting editor? Did the content or material change with that editor? Was the mass exodus of writers coincidental?
      (Are you still hiring new people? :) Also, I will still suffer through all manicures you don’t want!)

    • Nikki

      Don’t mind that d-bag. The people who post stuff like that are normally the ones who have never donated to an organization, sponsored a child or volunteered at a non-profit organization in their life.

    • Lindsey Conklin

      thanks :)

  • CalypsoAmnell

    You left out the worst part: the paranoia that comes with *every* activity because you don’t want to chip the paint!

  • ktn

    worst part ever is when they do a shitty job with the topcoat… nothing makes me more angry than when the topcoat doesn’t fully cover the polish.

  • OneTIPsy Chick

    When I finally decide to get my nails done once or twice a year, I’m always disappointed. If you get mani and pedi, they want to get you out fast so they’re done simultaneously. You have to stretch your arms over to one side to get your fingernails done. Its always sloppy and the polish is so thick, it bubbles by the time I get home. And then theres the whole filing them so square they scratch everything you touch. I then opted for a gel manicure and while its pretty and pricy, after just one application, but nails are flimsy and brittle. #wasteofmoney

  • Marie

    I am a cosmetologist in PA and manicures at my salon are 25$. If I only got 2$ tips, I prob wouldn’t be that nice either. And why does it matter if they ask you obnoxious questions, everyone does that, and you are sitting right in front of them…You just sound rude. The reason I like doing nails is because I know I do a good job and I can make it look much better than someone doing it themselves for the most part. If any of my clients messes up a nail before or after they leave, I fix it, and I don’t complain.. or care. And a lot of times, the clients are RUDE, not the person doing the service…think about it. If you don’t want extra or massaging or whatever else you’re complaining of, you should tell them, but know that’s how they learned to do their job. Up selling is how they make their money….

    Calm the fuck down, and instead of complaining about people who do their jobs for little money, paint your own damn nails. And stop biting your nails, it is gross. Who better to tell you then someone who works on nails?!!?!

    • marie

      Also, maybe you’re getting shitty manicures bc they are 8 dollars…