I’ve been unintentionally fan-girling Beyoncé this past week, especially with regards to her wardrobe. Today, it’s her relaxing routine–Beyoncé doesn’t relax like you do, trust me. When Beyonce relaxes, she wears stunningly gorgeous lingerie, sits in a chair probably stolen from Versailles, and has her perfectly formed daughter Blue Ivy Carter adorably pretend to take photos on an iPhone. You probably just put on some gross yoga pants and watch Twin Peaks for hours on end. I bet you don’t even have a perfect baby to complete the picture. I can’t even deal with you today, you heathen.
That’s why the universe gave us Beyoncé and her Tumblr. These new photos of Bey chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool backstage on her Mrs. Carter World Tour are simultaneously adorable and aspirational. If I ever own underpants half as nice as her’s, a chair with upholstery, or a halfway decent baby, I’ll be set for life. What more could I need?
On an unrelated personal note about my ovaries, small children try to work technology is in my top ten favorite things to look at. In fact, doing so makes me feel things I’m not crazy comfortable with, reproduction-wise. I’m very close with my four-year-old cousin, who once taught me how to use Youtube on my phone because she wanted to watch a Michael Jackson video. It took a lot of sheer will to not go make a baby immediately, even though I really don’t want kids right now. My ovaries momentarily betrayed me, and they do the same thing whenever I see Blue Ivy.
Oh well. Probably nothing about this is real and it’s obviously staged, but screw it. We’ve all gotta have some highly aspirational goals.