Alright, fans of music and of thong style underwear. You have been outdone by a fan at a Miley Cyrus concert during her Bangerz tour, who threw a thong on stage which Cyrus then grabbed and put into her mouth. Party in the USA, indeed.
OMFG SOMEONE JUST THREW THEIR THONG ON STAGE AND MILEY PUT IT IN HER MOUTH!!!!!
— smiler. (@JasonTrannn) February 17, 2014
My first area of concern in this matter is primarily hygiene. Why didn’t Billy Ray Cyrus teach Miley that you don’t just pick up underpants and put them in your mouth? In fact, the most frequent interaction I witness between parents and toddlers includes the parents slapping some filthy thing out of the kid’s mouth. Why was Billy Ray like “sure, Destiny Hope, put the dog toy in your mouth. Do you want some scissors?” Underpants can be pretty gross and I’m really not sure what could be less hygienic than a thong from a stranger. Seriously, what could be more disgusting than a stranger’s underpants, even when they’re not in your mouth? I suppose a person with yeast infection could just hop on stage and rub his or her genitals all over Miley’s face, and that probably would have been worse. But in the absence of a person to do that, putting a stranger’s thong in her mouth was the
next best most disgusting thing.
Concern number two: who is still wearing thongs? You know we figured out how to avoid underwear lines without having underpants go up your butt, right? They make all of these awesome undies that are seamless now and you don’t have to awkwardly buy a million of those 5/$25 thongs at Victoria’s Secret that just fall apart.
Coming to you next week: Cyrus can’t stop a mean case of thrush.