• Fri, Feb 21 - 3:30 pm ET

Open Thread: What’s The Weirdest Thing Someone Has Said To You During Sex?

What's the weirdest thing somebody has said to you during sex?

We all say things we may not mean to say when we’re in the heat of the moment, but some people’s thoughts whilst banging are way weirder than others. Unfortunately, that little part of your brain that says, “No stop, don’t say that, you idiot!” doesn’t work quite as well during sexy times so you just kinda…say stuff.

My weirdest moment: my ex and I were having sex several years ago and for some reason, we were always sort of weird-mean to one another. So, during sex, he said something irritating that I can’t recall at the moment, and the only response I could manage was to start yelling his roommate’s name as we had sex. And then I yelled my roommate’s name. And then I yelled my own name. Because we couldn’t just leave it at that level of weird, he wound up singing a religious hymn he had sung as a child in Catholic elementary school that went something along the lines of, “OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!” And that was that.

Oh, and some guy growled at me a lot. Literally just growled. At least there was no talking, I suppose.

Let’s be honest: bad dirty talk is weird. It’s fun and a turn on when it’s good, but it’s just so awkward when it’s not.

So, what’s the weirdest thing someone’s said to you during sex? And what’s the weirdest thing that’s escaped your mouth?

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  • Alexis Rhiannon

    I’m staying logged in for this, because he tells this story himself — an ex-boyfriend of mine once shouted ‘COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG’ at the moment of climax because, in his words, “I was thinking about my weekend plans.”

    But then it became a thing and he would try to shout progressively odder things. I also recall “sweet cinnamon gravy”, but none of the others. This is my shame.

    • Samantha Escobar

      Oh my god I don’t even know where to start with this

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Or finish. *WINK*

      I’m sorry, I’ll show myself out.

    • HE Pennypacker

      hahahaha hilarious!

    • Muggle

      Okay I’ve been to Colonial Williamsburg multiple times, it’s one of the last places I’d be thinking of during sexytimes. WTF.

      Those mob caps must have gotten him all hot n’ bothered…

    • alannah mcgrowdie

      My Uncle Caleb just got red Ford Focus ST
      by working off of a computer. try this C­a­s­h­D­u­t­i­e­s­.­ℂ­o­m

  • Crayzcheshire

    hahahaha Sam! omg, so funny. sounds like some major psychological power plays, eh?

    • Samantha Escobar

      Hahaha I feel like I only have myself to blame for being so godlike.

      http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m726cpRdP31rsy50k.gif

      Me circa 2010

    • Crayzcheshire

      ok so i feel like a major dummy -__- … but how do you post gifs in comments??

    • echo7341

      I need to know too! I just tried on another article on another site and it looked like coding threw up everywhere.

    • Samantha Escobar

      @crayzcheshire:disqus and @echo7341:disqus I usually just copy and paste the image URL :( If that’s not working, then IDK what to do! I’m gonna try to upload a GIF with this comment and see if that works (I usually just do the URL thing so I’m not sure).

    • Crayzcheshire

      omg YAY! thanks sam!!

    • Samantha Escobar

      AHHHHHHHH. THAT OWL.

  • elle

    Omg this is mine and one time when my husband and I were in the middle the freaking Elmos world theme song came into my head and I didn’t realize but I started singing it. Nothing is more a mood/erection killer faster then singing a song reminding us of our son. We laugh about it now but it was so weird, and my son watches a lot less sesame street.

    • elle

      Middle of the freaking? I hate auto correct. I was going to write middle of business (i always call it that because of my Flight of the Concorde love) so how it changed to that I have no clue.although on some weird level I guess it works.

    • Samantha Escobar

      HAHAHA Omg. I, too, tend to sing without realizing and then suddenly realize I’m doing it at really inappropriate times, buuut I think your song choice is way better than anything I’ve inadvertently sung. That is amazing.

    • elle

      Haha it was hilarious because it took us both a minute to realize what I was singing and when we did I was like get off me right now, as he was already pulling out as fast as possible.

    • Samantha Escobar

      Oh my god. Amazing.

      Also, obligatory:

      http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Elmo_6c61fe_644999.gif

  • echo7341

    The whole situation was weird… I had sex in a parking garage in a car in the middle of summer. Talk about sweaty. He was staring into my eyes while doing the deed and kept saying “oh you like that don’t you?”. It was awful. And now, he refers to it (my 10 minute lapse of sanity) as “making love”. Ugh thinking about it makes me want to go take a shower with lots of exfoliants.

    • Samantha Escobar

      Oh my fucking god the phrase “making love” is so awkwardly gross (especially when used by people you definitely, definitely do not love or want to make anything with). ALL THE EXFOLIANTS.

    • echo7341

      Right?! When he said that, I thought “uh no, we’re just fucking and you’re actually quite horrible at it”. There was no love to be seen, let alone make.

      This is a conversation we had last week, 5 months after said incident. Background: he has a girlfriend now and was bothering me about getting lunch sometime.

      Me: Ok. Sure. Pick a day and I’ll see if it works for me.
      Him: 10 pm tomorrow night ;)
      Me: I said lunch. That is not lunch. I am not a booty call.
      Him: I’m teasing silly
      Me: More like seeing if you could get away with it
      Him: No I wouln’t. I don’t want you once. More like often. Haha.
      Him: Sweet
      Me: ?
      Him: My word to describe making love to you
      ME: *doesn’t reply as I have to sprint to the nearest trash can to hurl* … haha kidding!

      I never replied. There will be no lunch ever.

    • Samantha Escobar

      Ew god. No lunch. Period. Dude does not even deserve a mutual snack time.

    • yaya

      amen darlin.

    • Muggle

      Ugh I had a guy like that. He kept pestering me to just “hang” even though we both knew what that meant, and even though I’d gotten a real boyfriend. Ew.

      Lesson learned: never sleep with a guy who wants to “just hang” because he’s a douche.

    • Samantha Escobar

      Ughhh sometimes when dudes pretend they just want some friendship and then get annoyed with you when you’re not interested, I want to just give up making new friends altogether :(

  • Elizabeth

    OUR GOOOD IS AN AWESOME GOOOD, HE REEEEIGNS FROM HEAVEN ABOVE WITH WIIISDOM POWER AND LOVE OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD

    yeah my mother accidentally sent me to a Christian camp once

    • esteers

      they used to advertise a god rock CD on tv when i was a kid, and that was totally one of the song clips they used to sell it!

  • Samantha

    My college roommate had someone, in all seriousness, say “Off to find the mythical clitoris” just like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Let’s just say she didn’t date that guy much longer….

    • Samantha Escobar

      Bahaha. I don’t want anybody naming anything related to my pelvic area “mythical.”

  • Ezra

    This is more sweet than weird I guess, but at the time it seemed odd to me.
    We were nearing the end and he goes “Babe you are so BEEEEAUTIFUL!…Wait I mean sexy! Sexy sexy sexy! Sorry did I kill the mood?”

    Its alright lover, I know I am both beautiful and sexy and neither kills the mood.

    • Ezra

      Probably weirdest thing from me was SHERLOCK. not because I was thinking about him while climaxing, but because we were missing the episode.

  • HeWasACreep

    It wasn’t in the middle of anything, but more his attempts to lead up to something and he said “I want to molest your bum” and needless to say the mood was infinitely killed.

    • Samantha Escobar

      OH GOD. Terrible, terrible word choice and also creepy choices in general.

  • Katlyn

    A couple things: this didn’t happen to me, but I once overheard my college roommate and her very patrician looking boyfriend fucking when they thought I had already fallen asleep, and he said to her, in the most awkward of tones, “You fuck like a rockstar.” Cringe.

    I also used to sleep with one of those condescending intellectuals with such a practiced artifice that it’s unclear whether there’s anything under the artifice (like ironic knee socks and many rings), and he would YELL AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS things like “YES GAG ON IT” when I was going down on him. I lived in a studio apt with very thin walls. It was like a bad Girls episode every time, And as a much older man, his demeanor made it so clear that he truly believed he was gifting me with my sexual awakening.

    • Samantha Escobar

      HAHAHAHA. Oh my god, I can’t even handle the rockstar thing. D: I feel like anybody who uses the word “rockstar” unironically, though because holy crap. But then, then…the “gag on it” thing. It feels like a terrible character from a Bret Easton Ellis novel :( What is it with people who think their dicks are like Christmas presents?

  • yaya

    I had a boyfriend who said once “I want to fuck you on your parents lawn” while we were having sex.

  • Alwyn

    “I want your vagina around my weiner.”

    to be fair, once I told him he had a nice looking John Boehner

  • shortguy54

    “I think the ceiling needs painting.”

  • Natalie

    I really enjoy talking dirty in bed because I’m more of a words person than a visual person so I’ve had lots of sorta weird ones of that. BUT one time I was just super super distracted and in the middle of sex my ex boyfriend asks me “What are you thinking about?” and I just go “How we really need to go to Walmart and get some shampoo and toilet bowl cleaner for your bathroom”…..
    Hi, my name is Natalie and I’m an instant mood killer.

  • Guest

    Way back when I was in my 20′s, I was dating my friend Jeff’s sister, Marijo Jeff was crazy and Marijo was even crazier. They were both in their mid 20′s while still living at home. One Saturday night his sister and I were going at it in her bedroom while Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny were doing the same thing in his bedroom.

    While we were all going at it, her and her brother were continuing an earlier argument they had had. She was yelling things like “You dumb fuck!” and yelling to his Jenny that “you better be careful because he still wets the bed”. He was yelling at her about “being a slut” and You have bigger tits than brains”How she was always taking his clothes and advising me to “flip her over, she loves anal”. You know, regular brother and sister stuff.

    In the middle of this, we hear the garage door operating and soon footsteps coming up the steps. Its their mother who was not too bright. She obviously heard the commotion from upstairs and came to investigate. She stopped outside Jeff’s door and yelled “What’s going on in there?” to which Jeff yelled “Were balling!” She then asked “Why, what’s wrong?” Of course we both burst out in a laughing fit and that was the end of sex for that night.

    This was over 30 years ago. This past Christmas season I ran into Marijo and her husband at a Supper Club. We reminisced over drinks and she actually told this story to her husband while I cringed across the table! I didn’t know whether I should laugh or apologize to the guy. In the end, I laughed because I couldn’t hold a straight face any longer. Still crazy after all these years.

  • Radny Hecks

    Way back when I was in my 20′s, I was dating my friend Jeff’s sister, Marijo. Jeff was crazy and Marijo was even crazier. They were both in their mid 20′s while still living at home. One Saturday night his sister and I were going at it in her bedroom while Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny were doing the same thing in his bedroom.

    While we were all going at it, her and her brother were continuing an earlier argument they had had. She was yelling things like “You stupid fucker!” and yelling to Jenny “you better be careful because he still wets the bed”. He was yelling at her about “being a slut” and “You have bigger tits than brains” and advising me to “flip her over, she loves anal”. You know, regular brother and sister stuff.

    In the middle of this, we hear the back door open and shut and soon after footsteps coming up the steps. Its their mother.. She obviously heard the commotion coming from upstairs and came to investigate. She stopped outside Jeff’s door and yelled “What’s going on in there?” to which Jeff yelled “Were balling!” She then said “Why, what’s wrong?” Of course Marijo and I both burst out in a laughing fit and that was the end of sex for that night.

    This was over 30 years ago. This past Christmas season I ran into Marijo and her husband at a charity event. We reminisced over drinks and she actually told this story to her husband while I cringed across the table! I didn’t know whether I should laugh or apologize to the guy. In the end, I laughed because I couldn’t hold a straight face any longer. She’s still crazy after all these years.

  • HE Pennypacker

    My ex used to say – I love your chops, I want to lick them…Let me see your chops” God that killed my mood – every time he mentioned the word chops, I’d visualize my legs as pork chops -cartoon style. Not very sexy..