Beyonce’s New Swimsuit Photos Are Only Sexy Because She Used To be Fat, Say Quality Journalists

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Breaking news! In a daring feat of journalistic excellence, The Daily Mail has found some photos of Beyoncé in swimsuits, titling their article ”Meow! Beyoncé shows just what a lucky man Jay Z is as she displays her slimline figure in a series of jaw-dropping swimsuits.” Earlier in this post, I made a joke about how The Daily Mail staff were good journalists, but you see, actually the opposite is true. They also made sure we knew how hot she was now that she’s slimmer and also that all of her sex appeal exists to please her husband.

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I’m not really one to talk about wasting column inches on Beyonce’s swimsuit photos after my post from yesterday about the new ‘Partition’ music video. After writing that post, I probably would need to register as a sex offender in a few countries. But I’m going to say The DM crossed a line here that I’m really not comfortable with by gleefully pointing out that Beyoncé recently lost some weight and is super hot now.

“She might just be in her best shape ever, so Beyoncé has been even happier than usual to display her figure in skimpy outfits.”

Couple that with the headline alluding to her “slimline figure,” and The DM is making a clear point: Beyoncé’s hotter now than she was a few pounds up. Do they even look at pictures any more or just robotically parrot “thinner is automatically hotter thinner is automatically hotter.” It would be naive to say that Beyoncé’s looks aren’t a big part of her career, and she’s been beautiful over what’s really in the grand scheme of things a pretty narrow weight range. The correlation between weight and beauty doesn’t exist if we don’t want it to–there are beautiful people at all sizes, thin, fat, or anything in between. This isn’t complicated, but it unsurprisingly sails above The DM‘s head.

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And here I go again, falling for The Daily Mail‘s bullshit. Let’s just look at these beautiful photos and everybody cool off, okay?

Photos: Tumblr

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    • emilykwells2188

      I think I’m MOST annoyed by the reference to what a lucky man Jay-Z is….how obnoxious!!!

      • Julia Sonenshein

        I know! As if her sexuality only exists through his eyes and not, say, through her own.



    • Lindsey Conklin

      damn, normally I would look at that animal suit and hate it. but of course, Bey pulls it off. Red suit with the red lipstick…she is perfect.

    • Mahdi Martin

      It’s so weird losing weight. Suddenly people like you more, respect you more, listen to you more intently and tell you how beautiful you are and how great you look all the time.
      I feel sorry for the woman I was 40 pounds ago, who was NEVER told how great she looked or how beautiful she was.
      I’m still the same person, y’all! I WAS beautiful and great, damn it!
      We are all beautiful and great!

      • J_Doe5686

        I hear ya! I used to weight 305 LBS and was virtually invisible. Now I’m 140 LBS lighter and people just notice me more.

    • sympathy for the devil

      She looked better before she lost weight, but she looks good now also.

    • Candace

      There is literally nothing I love more than minimal eye makeup and red lipstick. Why couldnt they write about that?

    • Melanie Hewitt

      “After writing that post, I probably would need to register as a sex offender in a few countries.”
      Really? A sex offender registry joke? I’ve been looking to this site as sort of a haven from rape jokes being portrayed as funny and cool, and this warning worthy statement really fails me. Even if this is an honest statement… come on it’s not funny.