The 10 Worst Ways White People Celebrated Black History Month

Black History told by white people.

My favorite part of Black History Month is re-familiarizing myself with inspiring stories of black excellence and sober reminders of the legacy of racism that has had an impact on our past and present.

My second favorite thing is how badly idiots embarrass themselves during the month by saying and doing things that are either blatantly or passively racist. So as February draws to a close, here are 10 of the best (worst) moments from Black History Month 2014.

1. We learned that Perez Hilton has a little bit of me inside of him and it is desperately trying to escape, Alien-style. No, seriously, Perez tweeted, “Inside every gay man is a fierce black woman.” What better month than this month to be reduced to eternal sass machines for white people’s amusement? Oh, and then he compared us to Hitler.

2. Sasheer Zamata celebrated her first full month on SNL thanks to SNL remembering that black women exist and that at least one of them must be funny. Sasheer’s first month has been solid, but I hope she isn’t always thought of as quota talent.

3. Jerry Seinfeld told people to stop thinking about diversity so much because LOL COMEDY. To which I responded, “I never really watched your stupid show anyway, shit, Martin was funnier” because I’m an adult and I know how to respond to ignorance with maturity. But in all seriousness, Seinfeld’s notion that race and gender are distractions to whether someone is funny simply disregards the fact that there are institutions–yes, even in comedy–that have a lasting legacy of passive racism and sexism.

4. Co-eds on Jeopardy realized that all they remember from Black History Month lessons in school was that MLK got shot and George Washington Carver made dope PB&J sandwiches. The three white college students managed to answer three out of five (easiest) questions in the very much neglected African-American History category correctly, but we can all agree that this just wasn’t a good look.

5. New York Fashion Week was still racist.

6. Nigerian pop star Dencia told Ebony Magazine that her skin bleaching cream, Whitenicious, is great and isn’t actually used to bleach the skin. Except…it is.

7. A white guy in Florida was found guilty of the attempted murder of Jordan Davis, a young black man who was playing “thug music” too loudly in his car for this irrelevant white guy’s liking. Even though this “attempt” actually resulted in the shooting death of Davis, we’ll just ignore that fact and agree that Florida blows.

8. Black rappers were robbed at the Grammys by Roger Klotz (AKA Macklemore).

9. A semi-well known white woman ate fried chicken in honor of Black History Month and shared this moment with the world via Instagram. Reps claimed that it was okay because the pictures were taken at a black friend’s house. Not-pictured: Watermelon mojitos, a guide to chuckin and jivin, Ja Rule‘s 2001 album “Pain Is Love.”

10. Today show anchor Tamron Hall was mistaken for Michelle Obama on national television because all black people look alike.

Share This Post:
    • Lindsey Conklin

      yeah, this is embarrassing. I’m sure you’ll be able to recreate a similar list next year, too because apparently we haven’t learned anything.

      • Ashley Reese

        Let’s just hope the list isn’t as long!

    • Zazz

      Re number 7, the jury was hung on the murder verdict 9-3 for conviction. Dunn will be retried. He was convicted on all 3 counts of attempted murder. Unless his appeals bear fruit, he’ll never be a free man again due to Florida’s 10-20-life laws which have mandatory minimum sentences.

      • Ashley Reese

        Yes, but the fact that the jury was hung on the murder verdict is enough to send me into a rage spiral so…

      • rose maryawn

        My Uncle Caleb just got red Ford Focus ST
        by working off of a computer. try this B­u­z­z­3­2­.­ℂ­o­m

    • kj

      This article makes me sad, both due to the content and the fact that it reminds me of the days when the Gloss was actually worth reading :’)

      • Samantha Escobar

        Ouch. :(

      • Ashley Reese

        Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it!