• Thu, Mar 6 - 4:30 pm ET

Harlotry Prostitorials: How Hookers Get Perfect Skin That Survives Every Call

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

Cate is something of a renaissance sex worker and has held numerous interesting jobs in the adult industry. Each week, she shares her stories in Harlotry. In the “Prostitorials” series, she will be offering her tips and tricks pros like her use to stay gorgeous before, during and after the fun stuff.

There are four main objectives when it comes to hooker beauty:

  1. Look hot, but not intimidating (most clients are more afraid of you than you are of them).
  2. Don’t attract undue attention when you’re going into appointments.
  3. Don’t wear anything that will noticeably rub off on collars, faces, dicks, beds, coats, underwear, or anything your lips might come into contact with.
  4. Make sure that at least most of your makeup survives the call.

This means that for standard full service escorting, a natural look is usually your best bet. The problem: you can’t get too natural with it. Part of our jobs as sex workers is to fulfill fantasies, and it’s rare to encounter a woman who is as radiantly beautiful without makeup as she is with makeup. I doubt most clients would be too psyched if I walked into appointments like this.

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

Unlike most people who just need their makeup to survive a day of office work and coffee drinking, many of us have the peculiar challenge of needing our makeup to hold up to sex, something that’s more difficult than you’d initially think.

We all have various imperfections. Fortunately iPhones have mediocre photo quality, especially in already-flattering slightly overcast sunlight. You can see that my lips are as pale as the rest of my face and you can sort of see I suffer from pretty serious dark under eye circles. Bless you, cloud-diffused sunlight, for making me look less flawed. What you can’t see is that I usually have a cluster of little clogged pores on my chin, and the skin tone around my nostrils and chin is a little redder than I’d like.

Because of this, I will start out with foundation. I usually skip primer, as I find it’s much more effective at keeping makeup in place under photo lights than it is at keeping it in place when the lights go out. My current favorite foundation is Philosophy Hope in a Jar because it’s lightweight enough to not feel gross, but has strong, build-able coverage. Whatever works for you, though, I’m not here to judge.

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

Observe how now I am much closer to appearing to have a truly flawless, even-toned face.

Once I’m done with my foundation, it’s time to really start re-enforcing. I use a heavy duty, 24 hour drugstore concealer to take care of problem areas. I like Maybelline a lot, but I’ve found most liquid concealers are the same and drugstore ones hold up best. Don’t be afraid of the concealer, especially around your nostrils, since for some reason deep throating tends to cause some pretty extreme, ah, nasal lubrication, let’s say. Really daub it on, just like war paint. This is my war paint–or dare I say whore paint.

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

Unless your client/crush/significant other has a cultural appropriation or racist interpretation of aboriginal warriors fetish, it’s probably not good to just wander around with your concealer in stripes on your face. Blend that shit!

When you’re done blending, you need to set everything. Normally I’d use loose powder, but that won’t cut it here. Instead, go with a loose powder foundation. MAC makes a good one and so does Tarte, but whatever works for you is good!

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

(Much better)

Now that you have a sturdy, indestructible base you can move on to other stuff. First, eyebrows, my favorite thing. I like bold, high-arched brows, but my hair is somewhere between black and chestnut, depending on whether or not I’ve been dyeing it lately. If you’re blonde it’s possible the Joan Crawford look might not be for you, use your judgement. I know brow powders and gels are the big thing right now, but I like the classic little red Maybelline pencils.

When you’re done with your eyebrows, it’s time for mascara. Skip the eyeliner, you don’t need it all over your face. Another thing about deep throating is that it tends to activate the tear ducts. This means no eyeliner and a very, very sturdy waterproof mascara. I like the hilariously appropriately titled Illegal Lengths by Maybelline. They’re like eyelash extensions without the bullshit.

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

Illegal lengths indeed!

Now the top half of your face is complete! You’re ready for your lips.

The most stereotypical lipstick color for all sex workers is, of course, red, but for escorting it simply isn’t practical. While practice can certainly cut down on the spread of red lipstick, no amount of practice can keep it on your lips through heavy kissing, let alone a blowjob. Mad Men fans will remember Peggy’s first ad campaign for Belle Jolie lipstick. “Mark your man,” said the slogan, and boy, that is appropriate. But the fact of the matter is that most clients are married. You don’t want to be marking anyone else’s man: it’s bad for business, so a nude lipstick is absolutely in order.

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

First, moisturize your lips. A high-wax lip balm like Burt’s Bees, or a tiny dab of slightly sticky lip gloss holds the color best.

My favorite is Tangee. It comes in one color, and the only place I’ve ever seen it sold is The Vermont Country Store. In the tube, it’s orange, but the minute it touches lips, it changes color to best complement your individual coloring. I bought it once out of curiosity, expecting it to be a dud, but you guys, it really works. It is a slightly different shade on literally everyone who wears it. I really have no idea how that’s even possible. The stuff is magical.

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

Put on your lipstick and you’re ready to go. Have fun and/or make money! Hooray for whore paint!

Check out our Harlotry Prostitorials series by our resident sex worker Cathryn!

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  • elle

    Tangee lipstick is seriously the best! My mom bought some for me (dark,biracial) and my half sisters (pale, ginger) and we were all um thanks how is this ever gonna work? But wow it’s magic because it looks good on all 3 of us.

    • http://toyboxkiller.tumblr.com/ Cate

      I don’t understand it. Like, there is zero scientific explanation for how it can possibly work, yet somehow it is a pretty, natural shade on everyone, regardless of their complexion. So bizarre and wonderful.

    • Crayzcheshire

      I can’t believe I’m about to shell out $20 for this (but am excited!) … I gotta try it. Did you see that there is a Tangee blush too? Ever tried it? I’m so curious! Also, are there no lip or cheek stains that you recommend?? xo

    • http://toyboxkiller.tumblr.com/ Cate

      You won’t regret it! The stuff is legit magic!
      I usually don’t wear blush when I’m working, since my cheeks get flushed enough on their own that there’s no need, but for normal life I usually use Tangee lipstick as blush. I’ve tried theirs, but it’s powder, which I don’t love, and so heavy pigmented that I find it hard to manage. So I just used the lipstick as creme blush and powder over it, which works pretty well. Usually when I’m just walking around being me, or if I’m not doing a GFE session or something that will require much or any kissing, I wear red lipstick. My personal favorite is Stila stay all day in Beso. It’s liquid-to-matte and is generally really great.

    • DoctorTARDIS

      Sisterhood of the Travelling Lipstick!

  • anna

    I wondered what you looked like!! I like mixing it up from Harlotry, it was getting a bit depressing these last few weeks:( hope you’re doing ok!

    • http://toyboxkiller.tumblr.com/ Cate

      That’s me, snaggly teeth and all!
      I am doing a bit better. Unfortunately I have both regular depression and SAD, so this winter was pretty intensely craptastic, what with all the overpowering winteriness.

  • Anon

    Honestly only tune in for Harlotry and Sam Escobar these days. Gone waaay downhill after Jen Wright left and the mass exodus that followed.

    • http://toyboxkiller.tumblr.com/ Cate

      So, the albinos, basically?

      I miss the wacky old crowd too, though.