• Fri, Mar 21 - 4:53 pm ET

This Jewelry Commercial Parody About The Person Who Just Won’t Effing Commit Is Perfect

The Stolen Years Amy Schumer Video
You know how you’re unofficially dating someone for what seems like forever, but they’re still just throwing annoying platonic words your way? Or how you get a mild anxiety attack before introducing them to someone because you don’t know what you’re supposed to call them? And this is all because they just can’t figure out what it is that they want and have you hanging in relationship limbo? Yes, of course you do because we’ve all passed through that special ring of hell. And I’m assuming that that also includes Amy Schumer because her new video calling those commitment-phobes out is spot on and hilarious. Thanks for always understanding the struggle, girl.
So, call up the honey-slash-pal with the crippling fear of commitment in your life and tell them the good news. Amy has the answer to all of their prayers and it goes by the name of The Stolen Years Collection. It’s a jewelry line and it’s been sent to Earth straight from the Gods of Commitment Dodging themselves. In return, all their believers had to sacrifice were straightforward answers and signs of settling down.

Unfortunately for everyone recoiling away from commitment of any kind, it’s not a collection that exists in real life. But in the event that it ever does come to fruition, it’s really important that they know about it. Because the least that your guy or girl can do for being so shady about your relationship status is buy you some nice presents.

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  • Lindsey Conklin

    hahahahahahahahaha

  • Samantha Escobar

    Freaking. Love it.

    • Olivia Wilson

      Yesyesyesyes.