Here’s Why Kirsten Dunst’s Surprisingly Messed-Up Thoughts On Gender Will Offend You

kirsten dunst may cover of harper's bazaar

Yikes. Kirsten Dunst looks beyond gorgeous on the May cover of Harper’s Bazaar, but part of her interview with the magazine is kind of, well, messed up. When asked for her feelings about gender and relationships, the actress started off with a positive message… and then it quickly unravelled, crashed, burned, and exploded. She told the magazine,

I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued. We all have to get our own jobs and make our own money, but staying at home, nurturing, being the mother, cooking– it’s a valuable thing my mom created. And sometimes, you need your knight in shining armor. I’m sorry. You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s how relationships work.

Oh dear. Okay.

First of all, I totally agree with her original point about femininity getting a bad rap. Feminism should strive to allow people to make their own choices about their family roles, and if a woman can afford to stay home full-time and play the part of the traditional mother– and that’s what she wants for her life– she should be able to do that, free of judgment. It’s sexist and sad that our culture looks down on femininity to the point that women feel like they’re not allowed to be full-time wives and mothers without losing other people’s respect. I’m totally with Kirsten on that one. Unfortunately, the rest of her quote is a pile of problematic bullshit.

Not only is it quite possible to have a happy, healthy, working relationship without the presence of a man and a woman, but it’s equally possible for straight couples to get along just fine without buying into traditional gender roles. Plenty of hetero couples reverse the old roles and have a woman breadwinner and a man caregiver, and plenty others choose to split both roles down the middle. Relationships don’t have to be a certain way to “work,” and when you use your public platform to preach old-school values as absolute law, you’re making it harder for people outside the traditional norm to live their lives in peace. This quote is straight-up hypocritical, too, since we all know that Kirsten works a time-consuming job, and I doubt she’d be satisfied to get manicures and stir spaghetti all day.

There’s obviously nothing wrong with wanting a knight in shining armor if that’s what you choose for your life, but it’s really dumb to try to prescribe your personal taste to everyone everywhere. It’s really easy to say “this is what I want” without saying “this is what all humans should do.”

Via Harper’s Bazaar

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    • Samantha Escobar

      It frustrates me when celebrities say things like this–not because it is wrong to believe these things for yourself, but to believe that one single technique and lifestyle and behavior will work for everyone. It won’t. And also, uh, heteronormative much?

      • http://www.businomitics.com/ FinanceBuzz

        What is that gobbledegook? What the heck is “heteronormative?” She is rightly saying simply that a man should be a man and a woman should be a woman. What is not trying to do is force you to comply. That’s irrational people that are losing their minds because she espousing a contrary view to them.

      • sugarunicorn

        5 seconds of googling and you could have spared us all your ignorance:

        “Heteronormativity is the body of lifestyle norms that holds that people fall into distinct and complementary genders (man and woman) with natural roles in life. It asserts that heterosexuality is the only sexual orientation
        or only norm, and states that sexual and marital relations are most (or
        only) fitting between people of opposite sexes. Consequently, a
        “heteronormative” view is one that involves alignment of biological sex, sexuality, gender identity and gender roles. Heteronormativity is often linked to heterosexism and homophobia.”

      • http://TopRightNews.com/ John Urban

        Wow…which professor screwed your head up so much? Your parents should sue for child abuse.

    • Lindsey Conklin

      I don’t think they need to speak so generally. Speak for yourself and what works for you as an individual, but don’t then project that onto society. Maybe, you, Kirsten, need a man and a knight in shining armor. I for one am still trying to balance how to not eat peanut butter at every meal…definitely don’t need a knight in shining whatever right now. She does look gorgeous though

    • Kay_Sue

      Not only what you’ve pointed out here, but often, roles are fluid in a relationship, at least in my experience.

      Now, I am the one that stays home and keeps the house. Before, we both worked and split household functions evenly. Before THAT, I worked, and he stayed home while our youngest was an infant…

      If you lock your relationship into rigid relationship roles, you miss out on the flexibility to deal with all the little things life throws at you. Or at least, like I said above, that was my experience.

      • Jade-Yue-Ryu

        “If you lock your relationship into rigid relationship roles, you miss out on the flexibility to deal with all the little things life throws at you” words to live by. My bf and I follow them religiously.

    • BDC0213

      Women “aren’t allowed to be full-time wives and mothers without losing other people’s respect.” I agree this is true.
      Kirsten Dunst is “straight-up hypocritical” because she works a demanding job and might not herself be satisfied “to get manicures and stir spaghetti all day.” This is the kind of thinking behind the lacking respect mentioned earlier.

    • Psych Student

      It’s horrible, wide-spread beliefs like this that I internalized which caused me struggle when I first started dating my (now) wife. She was the first woman I ever dated and I struggled with wanting to “be the woman” in the relationship. It turns out . . . there can be *two* women in a relationship! Omfg! What a concept! And we are both girly girls who both do housework, both cook, both enjoy being on the receiving end (and giving end) of wooing through flowers and gifts, and both earn money. We both get to be the woman and I wouldn’t change anything about it.

    • Christella
    • Roxanne

      Kristen says “I feel like..”, yet you say she is prescribing her personal taste to everyone everywhere. I don’t see that at all. I only see that she is describing what she feels, not that she saying that “this is what all humans should do.”

      • Emily

        Then she should have said “I” not “you”. When you say something like, “you need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s how relationships work” it absolutely sounds like you’re making a statement that applies to ALL relationships. Otherwise she could have said “that’s how MY relationship works.”

      • jhernandez1981

        so you’re pissed off at grammatical semantics, even though its absurdly common for people to phrase personal opinions in the manner she used? its pretty obvious in context that she’s just stating her opinion and isn’t telling anyone how to live their life.

      • Kitty

        No not really. Semantics is very important otherwise we can’t get our context or messages across. How we phrase things can make something highly offensive or just a statement. IE: Say “Person with a disability” versus a “Disabled person” has very different meanings to those who have a disability. You undermine the value of their person hood which may not seem like it would be that makes much of an impact, but it actually does start to get to you at a point and really does change your perception on things. So yes, semantics is highly important and I would ask you not to think that we should infer that is strictly her opinion. She’s not being forceful, but she is making a generalized statement that essentially undermines those who don’t feel that way. “YOU need a knight in shining armor” no Kirsten I don’t need a knight. “YOU need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman”, no I don’t believe I do. Had she had stated “I feel like a man should be a man sometimes and a woman should be a woman”, I will disagree with her statement, but I will take it more as that’s how she feels versus telling me addressing me as “you” that that’s what I need. Imagine if I said, “You need God in your life” if you’re an atheist versus “I need God in my life” telling that to an atheist. An open atheist would understand if they heard you say “I” because it may not be for them, but they understand your need. However, you say “you” you’re oppressing their beliefs and putting a divide that may not be harmful, but can be taken as offensive and dismissive of personal feelings.

        Tl;DR: SEMANTICS IS IMPORTANT.

      • Jeffrey Capp

        Except that she is clearly using “you” in the impersonal, that is interchangeable with “one”, which typically, if confusingly in common usage means “I”. In no way is she using “you” in the personal as you suggest, either to the interviewer or the reader. At no point does her language imply prescription rather than personal reflection. To pillory her here for this as offensive is ridiculous, even after one deconstructs it.

      • Anne

        And you know all this, how? Were you the interviewer? If not, there is no possible way that you could know any of that.

      • Jeffrey Capp

        Simply go back and read the quote and the context that this “journalist” here has given. She is talking about “her feelings” not her views on social engineering! She is not prescribing anything to anybody, and to believe that she is is preposterous. She is clearly talking about herself, and as she speaks extemporaneously successive statements are also implicitly about her, unless she somehow declares otherwise. Must she, or anybody, feel obligated to use the first person singular possessive in each sentence so as not to confuse the illiterate? This is nothing but cheap troll “journalism.”
        What is even more inexplicable and risible is that the page tag floater reads: “Kirsten Dunst’s Take on Gender Is Traditional And Maybe Homophobic”!!! How one could possibly construe homophobia from anything reported here is impossible to discern – and that is because it is not discernable! and reveals the gutter journalism operating here – generate hits even if you make defamatory shit up.

      • Linda McLaughlin Dye

        Semantics, shemantics. Nit-picking. She is an actress. She is not legislating your life. She is allowed her opinion and you are allowed yours. We are all different. We are all the same.

      • jhernandez1981

        Yes, that’s exactly what happened here. Semantics are import but so is basic linguistic comprehension and context. The context of the statement completely bypasses all the rambling examples in you’re reply. You’re argument would carry weight if there was no context given, but this wasn’t a theoretical situation or a lone quote tossed off hand without qualifying statements leading to it in an actual conversation. At this point the slight is entirely the making of the person finding offense where there really wasn’t any.

      • Justin Caynon

        You based the first part of your argument on grammatical semantics. Don’t back track now.

      • jhernandez1981

        no I didnt. I accused the other person of basing there disdain on semantics instead of context and meaning.

    • Ben Ray

      Femanists make me sick. If you don’t need a man, then what the fuck were we put here for? I’m all for empowering everybody, but the anger in which these so called tolerant people spew their opinions all the while condemning others for theirs is laughable. Typical liberal intelligence. If your propaganda doesn’t work, start calling them names and accuse them off being a racist, or a bigot. Our whatever takes the light off the fact that you’re ignorant fighting for a world your children won’t even want. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. Even if it’s retarted. Thats the beauty of America. Till the liberals take your rights away in the name of progression and change. I just saw 2 dogs humping. One was a male and the other was a female. Guess they didn’t get the progressive memo

      • mvlinn21

        Obvie: Men were put here to do the laundry and the heavy lifting. Oh, it’s spelled feminist. And retarded. And I saw 2 dogs humping, too! Great movie! In my movie they were both males, though.

      • Guardian7347

        You’re such an angry little troll. Perhaps if you got some d**k, you wouldn’t be so angry all the time at people who hold non-progressive views.

      • Anne

        Your diatribe on ‘liberals’ pretty much invalidates your opinions, as if the ‘feminists make me sick’ comment didn’t already do that. lol

    • Anna

      I saw nothing forcing her views on you. What she said is true. Sometimes, a man needs to be the man. There are things a man can do that a woman just can’t. And I don’t mean “men need to bring home the bacon.” I really don’t. My sister is the bread winner in her family. And that’s great! i think if you focus on bashing Kirsten, you miss the real jist of what she’s saying. Which is, get a man who treats you right. A man needs to be a man, and treat his woman well. And a woman needs to be a woman, and respect her man. Any lack of this respect will destroy a relationship.

      • mvlinn21

        Like pee standing up? I can do that. Or do you mean manufacture sperm cells? Because, while my body can’t do that, I can go to a sperm bank and get all the cells I need. Exactly what can a man do that a woman can’t? Seriously. I dare you to tell me.

      • http://www.braysballtalk.com/ Aaron Giddens

        Be a father.

      • sugarunicorn

        I can name a host of transgender folks and single moms who would beg to differ on that front.

      • http://www.braysballtalk.com/ Aaron Giddens

        You can dispute it, you can try to argue single moms (much respect to single moms btw) but the facts is, you can’t replace a man as a father. Just like you can’t replace a woman as a mother. It’s irrefutable.

      • sugarunicorn

        How exactly is it irrefutable? The American Academy of Pediatrics released the results of a 30 year study showing that the children of same sex parents experience zero ill effects as a result of their upbringing. ( http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/03/18/peds.2013-0377 ) There are a host of other studies that show the same findings. Having a loving, supportive parent (or two!) is the only requirement for a healthy, happy child — gender is 100% irrelevant.

      • guardian7347

        Studies show whatever someone wants them to show. Studies show that global warming is legitimate. Studies show it’s a myth. Studies show that eggs are bad for you. Studies show they aren’t. Studies show that there is no link between smoking and lung cancer….oops! Studies show there is!
        While two same-sex parents can love and raise a child, I would opine that there are some things two moms CAN’T teach a boy (how to act as a man, how to be a father), and vice versa. A child learns from their parents how to be an adult. That’s why some of us believe you need both genders in raising a child.

      • sugarunicorn

        You could have spared me the diatribe and simply said “I refuse to acknowledge sound science and multiple exhaustive, comprehensive peer-reviewed studies unless they confirm my own ignorant biases”.

      • http://www.braysballtalk.com/ Aaron Giddens

        You’ve basically have said the same.

      • sugarunicorn

        If you can’t discern the difference between a comprehensive 30 year long peer reviewed study by an organization as reputable as the American Academy of Pediatrics, and a non-peer reviewed “study” run by a single researcher with a history of anti-glbt activism, whose data is based entirely on a single self-reported questionnaire of 3k individuals, then I’m not really sure what to tell you other than to please educate yourself on best practices for sociological research.

      • Bri

        LOL where do you think sperm banks get em’? You’re a little too upset about this. You’re a great example of why feminists piss everyone off lol

      • Lefty Enderson

        @mvlinn21-Slap you in the face with a REAL(not battery operated plastic) penis! LOL

      • jam

        be president

    • The Masked Avatar

      Why do you feminist get so emotional when you find out that not everyone thinks like you?

      • mvlinn21

        If she had stated that that is what SHE WANTS, not what EVERY WOMAN NEEDS it would have been fine. Go back under your rock, troll.

      • The Masked Avatar

        You’re just jealous because she doesn’t make being female into a victimhood.

      • Anne

        To repeat:
        You are living proof that male privilege is alive and well.

        Privilege: Something is not a problem for YOU, so you mistakenly believe that that same ‘something’ is not a problem AT ALL for anyone else.

      • CapnFoo

        He’s not saying that discrimination against women isn’t present in today’s society, he’s saying that not every single woman is a victim. It’s amazing how offended some feminists get just because a woman wants to provide for her family via cooking, cleaning, nurturing, caring, etc.

      • jhernandez1981

        She didn’t say every woman needs that. She was conversationally speaking in generalizations about herself and her views on a particular topic.

        When people speak to each other, almost every time someone says “sometimes you need…” they are talking about themselves from their own experiences, not writing a fucking manifesto on how every other human being should conduct themselves.

      • PicoMania

        “You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman”
        i think that is pretty much an all-encompassing generalization, grammatically speaking. she didn’t say, “I need my man to be a man and I need to act like my idea of what a woman should be.” and for the record, i am not upset at Kirsten cause I don’t know her, I am upset that she made a public statement perpetuating and condoning predefined and archaic roles for men and women, a statement that hurts much of the progress women have made in terms of being not being thought of as primarily house-workers. I have no problem whatsoever with the concepts of femininity or masculinity, i do have a problem,however, with someone saying that my innate role in society is to be a mother and housewife.

      • IAmLars

        I love how you are repeating the same comment over and over while accuse others of trolling. So stupid.

      • Nikki Barnes

        I know, huh? I’ll never understand it.

      • Anne

        Why do men such as yourself feel the need to insult all women by saying, “why do you feminists get so emotional…”…? Feminists are merely women who insist that all women everywhere need to be treated like PEOPLE. Period. REAL men support this movement. IF you were a REAL man (and not just another defensive “little boy”), you’d be a feminist too.

        You are living proof that male privilege is alive and well.

        Privilege: Something is not a problem for YOU, so you mistakenly believe that that same ‘something’ not a problem AT ALL for anyone else.

      • ralphpal

        I think its in your head and most people think women are people . There are differences but that doesn’t mean they should be treated different.

    • frozeninbemidji

      Come on over Kirsten, don’t be intimidated by “women” looking for reasons to not have to shave or smell pretty.

    • Jess

      Wow I can’t believe how angry everyone is getting about this. Her views aren’t old school, they’re logical and make complete sense. She’s basically saying:

      1. Independence is needed, but stay-at-home moms are undervalued.
      2. Her personal experience shows the value of having a parent working in the home.
      3. Men and women have defined roles in relationships because of how we’re created.
      4. Women should want to be with a man who treats them well (a knight).
      5. Relationships work great when men and women understand that we are equal as a whole, but different in complementary ways.

      Soooo offensive!…

      • Amanda Thomas

        The problem is that she thinks ALL women should think like that. If you want to follow traditional gender roles THAT IS YOUR RIGHT. That doesn’t mean the rest of us are less important because we don’t want to.

      • Seriously

        Umm, I’m thinking this article was about HER. So it stands to reason she would state her own views on things, and they might not be your views. I don’t believe she called the rest of us who may or may not share those views “less important.” YOU are the one inserting that message. So knock it off and for goodness sake, be tolerant, would ya?

      • Thisgirl

        I think those on the opposing side are inferring an awful lot from one little paragraph of Harper’s Bazaar. Isn’t it entirely possible that she does believe that but didn’t say it? Can’t celebrities/people in general be allowed to have an opinion and not have to add a hundred disclaimers every time they open their mouth for fear of offending somebody out there in the vast world? What an exhausting way to have to live. Maybe we can all just agree to give people the benefit of the doubt?

      • Lisa Williams-Hulbert

        Exactly.

      • Dude

        Yeah so what if some liberal moron posts about themself thinking that things should be such and such a way? Oh, it’s ok then right? Dumbass.

      • Rick

        Probably why you’re not normal.

      • mvlinn21

        If she had stated that that is what SHE WANTS, not what EVERY WOMAN NEEDS it would have been fine. Go back under your rock, troll. And fuck off.

      • keithsmustache

        So angry. Too homely to get a man? Try growing your hair past your ears and wear a dress. It might help.

      • tom

        wow hateful much?

      • Tomyoureanidiot

        Tom, you’re a fool.

      • Melissa

        and there’s a man assuming she doesn’t have a man..or even wants one. Wear a dress? get a grip

      • Terrell Dean

        She was being sarcastic in those last words….

      • 3000

        hmmmm distinctly arrogant tone, making assumptions about a woman’s appearance and ability to “pull” based on her opinions, has a fascist-like ideas of how women should dress and look… oh hey guys, I think I found an MRA in our midst! LOL

      • Seriously

        Just a helpful tip, Mvlinn21. Your comments, including the name calling and profanity, do nothing to add to your persuasiveness or credibility. They do give me a good eye roll though. So thanks.

      • Anne

        Your point is well-taken; too bad you felt the need to insult the original poster with the f-bomb. I agree with *Seriously*, it completely undermines your persuasiveness and your credibility.

      • NM156

        She doesn’t have to explain anything for your sake, you twat.

      • noelle

        Thank you! My thoughts exactly, and I couldn’t have said it better myself

      • Iris Garcia Cotto

        Totally agree with you Jess. People (men and women both) read so much crap into everything nowadays, I feel like I’m a political rally and there’s a pre-analysis and a friggin’ post-analysis of the comment(s) made. Give me a break, people.

      • ZeeZee

        OMG, THANK YOU, JESS!!!!

      • Nikki Barnes

        I’m so offended I might just have to have TWO cups of coffee, just to calm down. (sarcasm) I could not agree more. Your comment says it all!

      • PicoMania

        number three on your list is precisely the problem feminists are trying to solve, this very premise has kept women behind since the dawn of humanity. why should men and women have defined roles anywhere, including a relationship, because of how they are created? what, women have to take care of home and children because we have a vagina and men can lead every other aspect of the world with their penises?

      • ralphpal

        Remember Kristen never said that . The written wrote that what she thought she meant . Read it again

      • PicoMania

        she may not have said it outright, but she implied it with the statement: You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman.

      • ralphpal

        what does that mean to you? Because you don’t know what it means to her . Also what is wrong with that statement . Please explain . Because what make s a man a man and what makes a women a women . I bet if you asked 15 people you get 15 different answers. Maybe to her a man works, takes care of his women , tries to protect the kids and his women , tries to be a good role model , always has his women back. How is that bad ? To you in your mind its bad by now your trying to put your ideas in her words. So again please explain to me what she said was so bad? Maybe I am ignorant and need answers . Thanks

      • PicoMania

        no, she’s using a generalization implying that there is a definitive mold to being a man and being a woman. it’s not what’s in my mind, it is what she is communicating. she didn’t say, I need MY man to sometimes be the idea I have of a man and I sometimes need to be the idea I have of a woman. she said, sometimes a man needs to be a man and a woman needs to be a woman. And sorry, that’s not just in my mind, it’s in the mind of a whole lot of people because it is what is being implied by the comment

      • Guest

        “3. Men and women have defined roles in relationships because of how we’re created”

        Yes, this is actually very offensive. Not only that, it’s nonsense. Nobody gets to define my role or set the parameters of my relationship except for my partner and me.

      • ralphpal

        She didn’t say the the writer said that what she thought she meant . Read the article again . Are you angry at Kristen for saying men need to be man or the writer writing that she meant that men need to be a certain way and women need to be a certain way . To me it seems that before you read the article you made up your mind what you thought it said. Re read it again and back up for statement with facts . I hope your mad at the writer because what you wrote isn’t what Kristen said

      • Anne

        Agree with all but the 3rd statement. Men and women should be able to define their OWN roles, because everyone is different. Period.

        As for the rest, I wholeheartedly agree.

      • Anne

        In a standard, heterosexual context.

      • Roza

        I totally agree with your comment! Every man and woman should define its own role, no one else. I am a girl with dreams of travels and careers (I certainly not want to stay at home for cooking and cleaning) and I can still make my relationships work with men.

        The way she says “I am sorry but you …. ” is like if there’s no other way for relationships to work. She could have said this in another way, precising this is what she wants for her, not something that should apply to every woman.

        This is offensive in my opinion. She probably didn’t think bad when she said it, but she could have been more open minded…

      • Salamalama

        ‘You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s how relationships work.” Jess, how do you get those five numbers based on this quote?

      • Beth

        When she said, “You need a man to be a man…” the “you” is plural, as in, “all of you.” And who is to say what “to be a man” means? Or what it means to be a woman? And who defines “how we’re created”? Is it your god? Mine? The toga-wearing lollipops over yonder? And who is Kirsten to say “women should want to be with A MAN who treats them well”? What’s wrong with two men, or two women, who treat each other well? Or for that matter, polygamous relationships? Or solitary relationships? Yeah, it’s offensive…but I don’t mind, because this article is from Bizarre Magazine…;-)

      • Chris Mattmann

        Completely agree! Her comments aren’t offensive, this author needs to get a grip!

    • Winston

      I hope people are embarrassed by the stupidity, lack of decency and complete lack of commonsense evidenced by this article and many of the comments. Word twisting and reading in meanings that a person never possibly intended. Seriously, is this what you people aspire to be? Just a bunch of brainless, two-bit thugs who are below average in their talents, unintrospective, hypocritical, unemployable, historically illiterate, incapable of original thought, but who learn a neo-totalitarian language by which they think they can judge and bully people and upon which they base their entire identity and self-esteem? Come to think of it, the sheer absence of curiosity and critical thought reminds of the typical conspiracy theorist. Those lazy twits delusionally think they are on the intellectual vanguard just as you laughably believe that you are on the moralistic vanguard. Yet both equally worthless.

      And Ms. Hoover, you truly are a blithering idiot. She was taking about her relationship with her husband. It wasn’t a dissertation on gender identity, just a freaking offhand comment by a person talking like an ordinary human being. (You know, how you speak yourself when you are not writing sanctimonious fluff). So she was supposed to account for all possible gender possibilities in that comment? LOLL!!!! Come off it. One of the dumbest comments I have ever read. Not that you will ever admit it.

    • Rebecca

      I don’t find them ‘Messed-Up’ at all.

      Is this what we women have become, intolerant and demanding?

      It’s a choice she’s made and a life she’d prefer to live. Why is she at fault for having an opinion.

      Granted, I don’t exactly see that life for myself, but us women need to toughen up and not go ape shit every time a comment we don’t agree with is said, or an opinion that goes against ours is held.

      Grow up. Be tolerant and accepting of different views, and quit being hypocrites.

      And if you feminists want to be in an uproar, why not tackle a truly pressing issue, something women in the third world truly suffer from, and don’t put in all your efforts and anger into such a trivial aspect of out society in which a woman chooses to live her life to a set of ideals and principles she holds dearly.

      There are more pressing issues out there.

      • mvlinn21

        She’s not being accused of being intolerant. She IS being accused of being a hypocrite. And of being kind of stupid. Abd yes there ARE more pressing issues out there for feminists to work on. Why aren’t YOU working on them, too?

      • Seriously

        Oh, bless your heart, mvlinn21. I feel it’s only kind to introduce you to the real possibility that Kirsten Dunst and really anyone else can disagree with you without being stupid. Only stupid people jump to the conclusion that those who disagree with them are, well, stupid. :)
        As for being hypocritical, I fail to see anything wrong with Kirsten Dunst stating she sees value in a traditional view of feminism while also holding a time consuming job. There are lots of women who are talented enough and who are capable enough of complex thinking to hold that kind of viewpoint.
        What I DO call hypocritical are feminists who call for tolerance who are so intolerant of traditional views. Really. It’s borderline nuts from those of us looking at it from the outside. Take it from an ex-feminist.

      • Dan

        mvlinn21 seems to be calling everyone a troll but at the same time is commenting on everyones post with some sort of hateful comment which is, as far as I was aware, the definition of a troll? I dunno, but, hypo-fuckin-crite maybe?

      • Anne

        “You feminists”…? Are you not a feminist too? IF so, then you ARE a hypocrite, because you and I and every woman out there owes our current freedoms and choices to the activism of all those feminist women who came before us.

        The problem with celebrities’ comments is that they carry far and wide, and young people everywhere are impacted by them in one way or another. Therefore, throwing such comments out into the public sphere DOES become an issue.

        Yes, there ARE more “pressing” issues out there, but that doesn’t invalidate the points made in the article.

    • Hugh Myron Gaenze

      You illiterate fucks, she clearly started with “I feel”, making this an opinion.

      Fucking accept that people’s opinions will differ, yet you fucks get all bitchy in the pants with your emotions and inability to think logically. Your FEMALE LOGIC is a parasite on society.

      Don’t expect everyone to hold an opinion, and everyone is entitled to free speech. If you don’t like it, fuck off, quit watching her movies or tuning into her interviews.

      Go bitch and moan and pms over something of worth, not some celebrity who has an opinion.

      Women today are so fucking useless and idiotic; we’re fucked as a society and I welcome our new gay overlords who will rid us of these female parasites.

      Inb4 white male privileges
      Inb4 sexist pig
      Inb4 “Your opinion doesn’t matter because you’re a male and I am an oppressed female that will bitch and complain until someone else fixes what I’m complaining about, then I can realize what a meaningless and empty life I live and regret wasting my time posting on this idiotic, hive-mind website, not having children, because now I’m old, unattractive, aged and withered, and past my child bearing years…I will now open my door to men who will show me attention and fill my cunt to help fill the empty void that is my life, before I come to the realization that suicide is the only way out, and that I will aid society in destroying the pest that is my 21st century thought process, aka, FEMALE LOGIC”

      Why did I even come here? Going to verbally abuse my female feminist friend that sent me this.

      • mvlinn21

        So, you’re gay, then?

      • sugarunicorn

        You tried.

    • Mebey Al-zukyudik

      Messed up thoughts on gender? No, she had the right thoughts on gender.

    • An American Veteran

      Seems to me she is thinking straight and if we didn’t have such a demanding society that places even less emphasis on the family, maybe just maybe we would not have kids running around shooting up schools, stabbing their classmates, selling drugs, getting pregnant, committing suicide, being bullied or being the bully. Her statement works for both male and female.

    • Nonsenseyousay

      It is also incredibly dumb to pick apart something said by an actress in a magazine article as though it were the most important thing in the world.

    • Ben Thompson

      There’s nothing wrong with proclaiming your perspective on moral oughts. If someone disagrees with my ethical views and has good reason for doing so, I want to know about it, even if it means I have to admit doing moral wrongdoing. I happen to agree with Kirsten, the fact is there are gender roles, just not the convenient caricatures propounded by feminists. Masculinity doesn’t equal violence and physical strength nor does femininity equal weakness and dependence.

      • mvlinn21

        So we all have to have a good reason to have our own opinion, gotcha.

      • guardian7347

        Pssst! You’re still trolling!

    • RealOnigokko

      If she prefers living her life traditionally then who are you “feminists” to give a sh*t. If you prefer independence from men, great. Kirsten Dunst doesn’t, and that is her right. What effect does it have on you? Get over it.

      • mvlinn21

        But she doesn’t live her life traditionally. And we don’t give a shit. Buh-bye, now.

      • Kris

        Obviously YOU do, as you’ve posted something on almost every other comment on here.

    • Noelle

      Well, the magazine asked her OPINION, and she gave it, she wasn’t using her “platform” to try and enforce specific roles for men and women. I see nothing wrong with what she had to say. And as you read her quote were you so enraged that you missed a key word, “sometimes”? Sorry, I guess you’re still stuck in old school traditions if a 5 sentence opinion of what someone thinks their ideal relationship should be has you so strung out. I don’t think the interviewer was asking her about sexuality, family structure, or any specific beliefs. Don’t make something irrelevant into a big controversy. Move on.

    • John

      Oh dear. Reverse discrimination. So it is no longer “normal” for a woman to stay home and nurture children. Sounds like fascism to me. That’s exactly what the Fascists and Communists thought. Make women like men. I think women are naturally better at raising children. Their brains are cross-wired in parallel and are far better at keeping several things going at once. Men are generally single minded, bold and brawny. Ideally suited for bringing home the bacon and defending the castle. It is what it is. The way God intended us to live as equals, but with important differences, becoming more as a whole together than we ever could apart.

    • Seriously

      Your article is exactly why I am no longer a feminist. It took me awhile, but I eventually came to realize that feminists aren’t for all women. They are for women who hold their specific values – in this instance, the devaluing of gender. News Flash – Kirsten Dunst is allowed to state her personal views on how relationships work. And because she, like, isn’t you, there’s a good chance her views may be different from yours. Emotionally intelligent people can allow for differing viewpoints without scandalizing others or calling them unintelligent, like I’ve seen so many feminists do in response to this whole thing. In your article, I think it’s kinda funny that you say Kirsten Dunst shouldn’t impose her views on everyone, everywhere, when that is exactly what you are doing. She was simply stating her views in an article that was about, guess what? Her. Get some self awareness people. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Ok. I guess this is where you call me a troll. Go ahead. It’ll really hurt my feelings and add to your own credibility. Ha.

      • Kitty

        Feminist: “advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.”

        So what you’re saying is that you don’t want equality between men and women? Being a feminist has suddenly become such a black spot to people it’s making me seriously angry. Both men and women can be feminists it’s just about equality. So now that that’s been cleared up, let’s go onto your comment.

        No, the author isn’t forcing their views on anyone. The author is simply expressing their response to what she said and how they feel and why they have a problem with what Kirsten Dunst said. Never at any point did the author specifically tell you that you need to do something. Even so, that’s the irrelevant point here and I don’t think you actually read the article. Please take a moment to re-read where the author states that it is not a problem for Ms.Dunst to feel this way, the problem is that you can’t expect or impose a view on everyone to feel that way and you shouldn’t. Again, SEMANTICS IS IMPORTANT.

      • guardian7347

        If semantics truly ARE important (a point which we can agree upon), then reread the part where the author stated, “…the rest of the quote is a pile of problematic bullshit.”. That statement is VERY dismissive of Kirsten’s personal views. How are personal views “problematic bullshit”? IT’S HER PERSONAL OPINION!
        The author very clearly is attempting to force their views upon we, the readers. By the very aggressive attack against Kirsten, the name-calling, the derogatory comments, the condescending remarks, the author clearly portrays Kirsten, and by association anyone who feels likewise, as dumb and uninformed, so everyone just think like the author unless you want to be dumb and uninformed.
        Finally, the author seems to do some projecting onto Miss Dunst. While Kirsten DOES say “…You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman”, she DOES NOT say anything about gender roles, something the author goes into a lengthy tirade about. (no comments about the length of my own tirade, thank you very much!)

      • Anne

        I think you need some lessons in reading comprehension. When one makes a statement such as, “You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman” in the context in question, it is INDEED speaking about gender roles. There really is no other way to interpret that statement.

    • Lisa Williams-Hulbert

      She’s not “preaching absolute law”. Those looking to be offended always will be…

    • http://www.businomitics.com/ FinanceBuzz

      She is 100% right. Good for you Kirsten! Don’t cave to pressure from the radicals who will call for your head.

    • Amy Schrecengost

      to get manicures and stir spaghetti all day???

    • Jen Hamilton

      Just an FYI…I was a stay at home mom and I didn’t “get manicures and stir spaghetti all day.” Mostly I agree with you but this falls into the same trap that you earlier say is bullsh** where choosing to stay at home is devalued.

      • Chocolate Velvet

        Thank you, I was going to point out this hypocrisy by the author, then I saw your comment. If this is what the author imagines as a stay at home mom’s contribution to family life, then perhaps she should take a sabbatical from blog writing, and get educated about the real lives of women.

    • Lovedonthate55

      I can never understand why if a celebrity is interviewed people think should only give answers that appeal to everyone. Well wake up people diversity is what it is and if you don’t like her answers then so what -its just her opinion. If everyone liked the same things life would be pretty boring. If you don’t like what she thinks don’t read it- in fact don’t ever read anything because you will probably hear something you don’t agree with- suck it up and move on.

      • Anne

        The she should openly state, ‘THIS IS MY OPINION AND THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR ME”. To do otherwise is to imply that others should do the same.

    • Daniel Pecoraro

      If she didn’t say those last two sentences, I’d totally be thinking “you know, I don’t disagree with this.” But then it went from “people should be able to choose who and what they are free of judgment” to traditional gender roles. Oh well. She’s still great in Jumanji?

    • SkivMarine

      So, “we should strive to allow people to make their own choices about their family roles”, and if a woman feels that she wants to stay at home and be a mom, well then that’s just fine too.
      And within the same article these sentiments are shown to be a total LIE by the writer.
      Got it.
      You’re a damned hypocrite.

    • forensicsdoc

      It must really suck to go through life constantly offended because someone has a different valid view.

    • Dr. Freud

      Feminists have problems with any woman that is without penis envy (sniff).

      • Anne

        No, we have problems with those who post such general ridiculous comments as ‘feminists have problems with any woman that is without penis envy (sniff)’.

        And FYI…the ONLY people who suffer from penis envy are MEN. lol

    • Candice

      i love her opinion, people who desperately try to push agendas will lash out when they hear a different opinion then the one they hold because the fear the weak state of they’re argument. You cant punk people into believing or thinking the way you want.

    • Candice

      “her messed-up thoughts…” so your opinion is fact???

    • Ralph Horque

      *yawn* it must be a slow news day for you if you’re offended by what is basically a majority opinion. Not everyone is going to agree on everything. It’s not like she said a woman’s place is in the home making babies.

    • Lisa McCourt Hollar

      I am not offended. Those that are should look at themselves and wonder why her opinion offends them, because you know, it is really dumb to prescribe your personal offense on someone else’s personal taste and think that everyone else should be offended to.

    • Tyler Durden

      Wow, everything’s offensive or homophobic these days. Looks like we’re turning into a generation of pussies. Frightening.

    • Victoria Encino

      What happened to Free Speech??? Kirsten gave her opinion.
      Every time someone says they like something old fashioned, they get jumped on by the media.
      Well, let’s see, media is made up of our creative arts college folks. Well they don’t like traditional anything! So all we hear is one side.
      We’re sick of it and turn it off now. The internet has given us the ability to hear other opinions. The majority of people are heterosexual and prefer traditional gender roles. Time for us to make a fuss now!!!

    • Junie Tune

      Overreaction is the new black …

    • Dude

      “Oh dear. Okay.” Shut the hell up for crying out loud. People are aloud to have their opinions it’s still American you freaking idiots. For as much crap as the leftists put out and then they get all pissy when someone on the right states their opinion.

      Calling her a homophobe? Why don’t you pull your head out of your asses. I like how people immediately villainzie anyone with an alternate school of thought other than their own.

    • GlassJawn

      You still didn’t offer why you would call Dunst comments “messed up”.

    • Deborah Congemi Krause

      I completely agree with her. She has an old school way of thinking and it’s her opinion and she has her right to it. I’m not sure why everyone thinks their way is the right way. It’s not. I don’t remember growing up with this kind of sensitivity and I loved my childhood much more than my adulthood. I like the way my grandparents felt about things more than the way people think today. I like the discipline and attitude towards child rearing and relationships much more from the past, too. It doesn’t make me homophobic, mean, closed minded, etc. It makes me real to have my own opinion. There are WAY TOO many people now days that claim we need more tolerance but they are hypocrites; they tolerate only those that agree with them. If you don’t, they don’t tolerate you. Funny.

    • Alice Manfredini

      Her views don’t offend me at all……and not because I agree with her completely. We need to stop getting offended by other people’s opinions. Dissent keeps democracy healthy. We would be a nation full of mindless robots if we agreed on everything, so damn political correctness and express your own opinions rather than trying so hard to conform to the current trends.

    • freethoughtgal

      What I’m amazed by? People actually caring what Kirsten Dunst has to say.

      Funny thing, though…. Her parents are divorced. And her mother is shoving her to get married and have children: http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2014/03/kirsten-dunsts-mother-wants-her-to-marry-garrett-hedlund-hates-her-ex-jake-gyllenhaal/

      Anyway, here’s a better article on the comments:

      http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/04/10/kirsten-dunsts-latest-role-unlikely-warrior-in-continuing-gender-debate/

      And I do enjoy all the conservatives rushing to the side of the John Kerry/Barack Obama supporter. Neat.

      • guardian7347

        1. Why do you assume that those who believe Kirsten is entitled to her own opinion, and not necessarily those of the far left, must be Conservative? Perhaps they just believe in free speech. Ok, I see you’re point on that. Progressives don’t believe in either concept.
        2. Why should I care how she voted? Isn’t that part of being entitled to differing opinions and views? Wouldn’t that be extremely hypocritical (or progressive thinking) to support her right to have views and opinions that differ from the author’s, but then not support her right to vote for whomever she feels is the better candidate, even if that choice may/may not differ from my own? Freedom of speech is freedom of speech. Period.
        3. Please explain to me exactly what is so funny about the fact that her parent’s relationship failed? Or why this is relevant to her traditionally held values on gender roles? Since her parents were not able to make it work, she isn’t allowed to believe in traditional roles?
        4. Ok, you’re link “explaining” how her mother is pushing her to marry and have kids doesn’t do that. According to the article, Kirsten WANTS to marry, and would like to have kids. Sounds like her biological clock might be ticking, not some mommy manipulated scheme. You’re projecting.
        5. You’re Washington post article didn’t give a full quote, and spent little time focusing on her words. Instead, it focused more on the legislation regarding wages in the workplace. So….how was it the better article on her comments? You mean YOU liked it better. It was actually a pretty crappy article.
        Bottom line, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You, me, Kirsten, whoever. Instead of criticizing her for not picking up the banner of the femi-nazi movement, as this article so disgustingly does, the author should have RESPECTFULLY argued a contrary point, and shown some class. Sadly, not something these types do well.

    • http://TopRightNews.com/ John Urban

      Kirsten speaks the obvious. Wackjobs go wacky. Perhaps meds would help them, but I doubt it.

    • Kelsey Ysasaga

      women should stay home with the pretty little babys and men should do all the money stuff and work.

    • sarah

      Question: Why does anyone care what she thinks about how “women” ought to live their lives…?

    • elizabeth31

      As a teacher of children, I think that all gay couples with children should strive to find a role model of the opposite sex of themselves just for a perspective that they don’t even perceive or understand. Children need both.

    • Jay

      Everyone gets way too easily offended these days. It’s so damn annoying.

    • Tam

      And now we need this telling us why we should be offended. Why don’t I just think my own thoughts? Or is that not allowed any more?

    • Michelle

      This is the most offensive thing that *I* read on this page:

      “This quote is straight-up hypocritical, too, since we all know that Kirsten works a time-consuming job, and I doubt she’d be satisfied to get manicures and stir spaghetti all day.”

      Seriously… Hayley Hoover equates being a stay at home to getting manicures and stirring spaghetti all day?!? Not hardly!!! Being a stay at home mom IS a time-consuming job and this quote exemplifies the undervaluing of it that is, sadly, so rampant these days.

      • Anne

        I had similar thoughts. In one part of the article, the author is complaining about the devaluing of stay-at-home mothers; and in the other, she HERSELF is openly devaluing those same stay-at-home mothers. Irony at its best.

    • Rick

      Absolutely NOTHING wrong with Kirsten’s comments…she is right on!

      • Rick

        Oh, and as for the writer of the article…Bullshit (her comment) ,is more fitting of her thoughts and feelings

    • sheilaeinstein

      No one asked her ,”Kirstin, what should women the world over want/do?” They asked her about her. You can not be wrong when giving your own opinion. YOU GO GIRL. Feminists want us to all march in step, wanting the same thing, like good little Nazis. I though the women’s movement was about opening up choices.

    • Chinna

      Hey, Kristen has a right to speak her mind. When Bazaar Magazine calls up and wants to interview any of you…then you can have your opinion.

    • Adam Meade

      The rest of her quote is problematic bullshit, why? The write of this article is stupid. She said nothing out of line or nothing about stating how others besides herself should be. YOU NEED A MAN TO BE A MAN AND A WOMAN TO BE A WOMAN. You are right. She should have thought about midgets who are too small to have sex with large people or a woman who wants to love a vibrator instead of a man. What about a man who loves a horse? She should think about how anyone could get offended by everything she says!! Its a good thing that she doesn’t care what you think whoever wrote this, otherwise she wouldn’t be mentally capable enough to be a star. She must be a strong woman to have to deal with people who whine about such bs. I very seriously doubt that any of my gay friends really care how she worded that. OMG what I do not feel like I am a man or a woman? What about the asexual people?? She is so heartless.

    • Angry Mancave

      This entire thing is ridiculous. Kristen is spot on.

    • jabberwolf

      Wow that was so.. NOT NEWS. It wasn’t even controversial.. it was the most general statement about dating between a man and a woman Ive ever heard. WTF is wrong with the media for posting this article !?!?

    • Carol

      She didn’t say this is what everyone should do. It’s a personal preference. Get over it everyone.

    • Kevin Eagan

      I’ve always thought about why so many “feminists” are so hateful and unintelligent. I wondered whether they truly represent or care about female identity. Then I realized that all the smart, kind women are too busy working to give back to society and devoting their lives to more important things. Smart people evaluate the opinions of politicians, academics, and artists. Losers spend their time trying to destroy Kirsten Dunst based on what she said about gender in a grocery store magazine. Get a life. If any American men still think women are intellectually or morally inferior, it’s because feminists chalk stupid stuff like this up to a “controversy” when there are so many other ways feminists could be productive towards their cause.

      • Maria

        As a feminist, I would like to point out that generalizations and insults (such as hateful, unintelligent and losers) are part of the problem. It’s difficult to have a constructive conversation about what feminism actually is, and why it is relevant, when petty name-calling is involved.

      • Kevin Eagan

        I agree…I’m being pretty hypocritical, but I guess I’m just responding to the juvenile insults in the article. (BTW, I can’t think of a clumsier adjective to pair with “bullshit” than “problematic.” Editor must have missed that one!) I’ve never vented like this before because I would never say this to someone’s face. However, I do fundamentally stand by my characterization of many feminists as hateful…that’s not really an insult, and it’s the most truthful. The standard convention of profanity and ad hominem in feminist writing is really hard to respect and brings out the worst in readers (including myself). I respect the feminists who are exceptions to this, and I hope that their style eventually replaces this current norm.

    • annie

      Full-time mothers stir spaghetti and get manicures all day? No judgment. Right.

    • Jeffrey Capp

      Ridiculous non-story. She is not prescribing anything to anybody and to believe that she is preposterous. She is clearly talking about herself and any expounding she does makes those statements implicitly about her. Must she, or anybody, feel obligated to use the first person singular possessive in each sentence so as not to confuse the illiterate? Nothing but cheap troll “journalism.”

    • Randall

      She didn’t offend me. This shi**y article offended me. I’m tired of masculine woman and femine men. I want a woman who is a woman, not a woman trying to be a man. Rock on Kirsten. These nazi feminist and this author can shove it.

    • Jeffrey Capp

      This is nothing but cheap troll “journalism.”. She is not prescribing anything to anybody, and to believe that she is is preposterous. She is clearly talking about herself, and as she speaks extemporaneously successive statements are also implicitly about her, unless she somehow declares otherwise. Must she, or anybody, feel obligated to use the first person singular possessive in each sentence so as not to confuse the illiterate?

    • Jeffrey Capp

      Chicken shit! And asleep at the wheel too. You missed expunging my other comment.

    • cnet

      Kirsten wins. You go girl!

    • Josh

      Actually, marriages where the woman is the main breadwinner are much more likely to fail than marriages where the man is the main breadwinner.

    • juvserr

      She’s an idiot, period. The author says it simply and correctly, there is NO ‘right’ way for couples to ‘work’ as Dunst says – if it works for her great (which BTW, it clearly DOES NOT since she’s never come close to being a stay at home mom, and has gone thru any number of high profile relationships, so clearly she’s NO expert) and as the author says, she’s as far from a stay at home anything since she’s been acting since she was a child – relationships work when there’s a give and take – ‘knight in shining armor?” Is she serious? Is it any wonder she’s gone thru like 20 boyfriends since she was a teenager?

    • Momhat

      I am more disturbed by the fact that the author, Hayley Hoover, characterizes women who are actively raising their families and maintaining their households as “get[ting] manicures and stir[ring] spaghetti all day”. It is very dismissive not only of these women as human beings who value their families, but of the work that they do and the actual contributions they make to society. I don’t think feminism was ever intended to make caretaking more demeaning, or to be looked down upon. Dunst merely stated her own feelings about the current state of feminism, which is more critical of women than ever, and her gratitude for her mother’s role in her life, which is rarely expressed by offspring and should be commended.

    • JoeDrager

      “Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of American life..” Rush Limbaugh

    • Sparks

      There is nothing “messed up” in her thoughts. What is messed up is this authors attempt to make a big deal out of it. Good grief — aren’t there so many many things to get offended, haughty and judgmental about without these completely understandable and sensible thoughts attracting this woman’s ire? Woman — grow up and get a real grip on the truly problematic issues in our society — your inflammatory and nonsensical opinions on this represent everything that undermines the real value of the “feminist” movement.

    • ZX Rider

      “it’s really dumb to try to prescribe your personal taste to everyone everywhere”. I see…its OK for YOU to do it in this article tho? Great show of tolerance on your part here. Do as I say, not as I do.

    • Pudenda Shenanigans

      I am more offended by TheGloss’s headline than Kirsten. Unless you were made in a petri dish, it does take a man and a woman. We are not generic drones. I really despise liberals.

    • CapnFoo

      As someone who has fought for equality in the workplace and to preserve the rights of woman, I find a lot of the comments on this board by so-called “feminists” appalling and also a great hindrance on the on going fight for gender equality. The fact that this woman has the right to choose what kind of role she would prefer in a relationship is a victory in it’s self. Demanding that all women have a career instead of staying at home and shun the idea of a “knight in shinning armor” is the same as demanding that all women stay in the kitchen. You are still forcing them into roles based on their sex. Get your head out of your ass and realize that not everyone thinks like you. What we are fighting for is the choice to do what we want with our lives, not to do what YOU think is right.

    • Linda McLaughlin Dye

      Sorry, but I hate when other people tell me to be offended. Get a life.

    • Anna

      So you think stay at home moms get manicures and stir spaghetti all day? Ridiculous….Kirsten Dunst isn’t the one who just crashed and burned.

    • sramassyla

      Why should I be offended if someone else has an opinion on relationships that’s different from mine? This whole “traditional” vs “progressive” we-all-need-to-be-offended-all-the-time stuff is crap.

      You don’t agree with her? Okay. Don’t be in a relationship with her. She got interviewed and gave her view on relationships. Get over it.

    • Steve Kellmeyer

      Kirsten Dunst makes a lot more sense than the article. She’s undoubtedly more beautiful as well. I guess there’s just some cat claws out against Kirsten. Meooow!

    • Lana

      So let me get this straight. A *beauty* website talking about make up, fashion, etc is worked up about someone having an opinion on gender roles, when make up and fashion is very gender role oriented? You get the original point of make up right? It was to make women look more attractive to men. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a non-working woman. There’s nothing wrong with being a woman that loves a man and a man wanting to take care of his family. If a woman wants to be a mom, let her. It’s a noble cause. Your mom thought so.
      More examples of women tearing down women instead of lifting us up. Honey, our “enemies” aren’t men and never will be. Men LOVE women. A woman’s biggest enemy is another woman. Thanks for making my point.

    • wannabeveus

      The writer thinks Kirsten wouldn’t be satisfied just getting manicures and stirring spaghetti all day. It can’t have escaped her notice that almost NO ONE likes their job ALL the time, and are going to have days they are far from satisfied with it. I think Ms Dunst’s ideas were well put. Every choice has value.