• Tue, Apr 8 - 2:42 pm ET

12 Things We Wish We’d Learned In Sex Ed Besides ‘Don’t Get Pregnant’

don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die

We all know that sex ed is seriously lacking in the United States. Teens are generally clueless about how things work, young adults are still not using condoms during one-night stands, and even elderly people are catching STDs like they’re Pokemon. That’s why it’s not surprising that a new study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is showing that kids need to be educated about sexuality before they start having sex, and they need to be educated beyond “look at these pictures of herpes and think about sin.”

We didn’t get a comprehensive education when it comes to sex, and we’re willing to bet you didn’t either. Here are 12 things we wish we’d learned in sex ed… besides “don’t get knocked up,” of course.

  1. Abstinence is a totally valid choice that doesn’t deserve to be mocked. It’s also not the only choice. You need to know that you’re the only person who gets to decide what you do with your body.
  2. There’s this thing called the clitoris. Women get sexual pleasure from it. It’s not the same thing as your vagina. MIND BLOWING.
  3. You don’t have to sext. If someone tries to convince you that it’s required, that person is a bag of shit.
  4. You don’t have to remove your pubic hair. If someone tries to convince you that it’s required, that person is a box of shit.
  5. You don’t need to declare a sexual orientation or a gender identity and maintain it for the rest of your life. It’s totally fine to take a long time to figure it out, it’s totally fine to switch to a different label, and it’s totally fine to never find a label that you like.
  6. Condoms are expensive. Take advantage of this time in your young life when they’re handed out in every nurse’s office like candy.
  7. Sex can be awkward, messy, and weird. Life isn’t The Notebook.
  8. Sex doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or painful. If it is, seek out a solution.
  9. If an adult wants to have sex with you when you’re underage, it’s not flattering. That person sucks. You can be the most mature 15-year-old in the universe, but anyone who tries to violate consent laws to be with you does not care about you enough.
  10. Condoms can prevent HIV and STDs when you use them correctly. People who tell you otherwise are trying to scare you.
  11. Several birth control methods are very effective. People who tell you otherwise are trying to scare you. They’re not completely foolproof, and you need to research them to find out what works best for you, but they do work.
  12. Sex doesn’t need to be a terrifying concept. Learn about what you want, learn about what you don’t. Make your own decisions about when and with whom.

Photo: Mean Girls (2004)

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  • Kaitlin Reilly

    Oh Coach Carr, the beacon of sexual health wisdom.

    • itpainsme2say

      Omg our coaches had the same name

  • Kay_Sue

    But then, don’t you know, all the teenagers will be having the sex. It will just be sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Sex everywhere. All the sex. All the time. *nods emphatically*

    • Robotic Socks

      I wish they taught: “How to last longer than 5 minutes your first time”

      :(

    • http://batman-news.com Bunny Lou

      Considering from penetration to ejaculation on average lasts about 3 minutes, you’re doing pretty damn good.

    • Robotic Socks

      YES! I’m an F’ing All-Star!!!!!!!

  • JennyWren

    13: Sex is like driving a car. Completely normal and often a lot of fun, but potentially very dangerous and requiring a reasonable level of responsibility.
    14: Sometimes women want sex more than men.
    15: When in doubt, don’t have sex with anyone you can’t laugh with. A sense of humor is an essential survival skill in most sexual relationships.

    • Robotic Socks

      Why can’t I find #14????????????

    • FemelleChevalier

      16: Foreplay is an important factor for a more enjoyable experience.

    • http://batman-news.com Bunny Lou

      17: Having sex does not make someone a bad person, not having sex also does not make someone a bad person. Shaming someone for the legal and harmless decisions they’ve made for themselves makes you a bad person.

    • LynnKell

      18: the standard for consent must be “YES, YES, YES!! I want to have sex with you like right now” and not “well…I’m not saying no”

    • Hayley Hoover

      YEP.

  • itpainsme2say

    #1 all the way

  • http://www.herpeswoo.com/ HerpesWoo.com

    Protected sex is safer. Not 100% safe, but better than nothing.

  • JJ

    1. Kids use condoms always and girls get on some form of birth control if you are having sex, seriously do it. Using condoms and birth control properly is that much more effective in preventing unwanted and unplanned pregnancies.
    2. Ladies don’t trust a guy if he says he doesn’t like condoms the feel bothers him. Well women don’t neccesarily like the feel of a baby crowing out of their vagina either but one of these things take all of a few seconds to put on the and the other takes 9 months of pregnancy and hours of labour to deal with. guess which one sucks more.
    3. Guys- when a girl says she is on birth control still insist on a condom even if its not the cool thing to do. Don’t want to be a daddy then seriously use the condom. You have no way of knowing if she is truly taking birth control properly and the right way or at all.
    4. Sex is not neccesarily like porn movies, in fact it just isn’t. Don’t think by watching porno’s shot in someone’s basement for practically free is going to help you. You will likely just watch a camera showing a guys balls slapping up and down over and over again with some moaning. Just try sex and work it out together as couple at your own pace. Please don’t let unrealistic porno’s set up false expectations, okay.

    • vchorseguy

      And guys remember to turn the condom inside out so it’s ribbed for your pleasure.

  • JJ

    And don’t say cheesy things like “making love”, “mature activity” or “sexually active”. You sound like a sappy 12 year old girl and a parent talking about sex to their kid for “the talk”. Just says sex or f*****. Its what it is It’s natural and biological instinct that most of us have and lets not dress it up with corny names based on a scene you saw in a cheesy teen movies.

    Also you first time may be good but it can also be awkward and uncomfortable as hell too. Be prepared for it to be more like something out of say American Pie then The Notebook or some beautiful romantic movie with attractive leads. Sex, while it can be beautiful, is also sweaty, nasty and can leave you tired and looking like a hot mess. Just saying kids don’t expect your girlfriend to come out looking like Rachel McAdams with full make up and hair styled in the end she will probably be more red faced, sweaty and have messy hair.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    Having sex before age of consent does NOT make you a slut.
    Having sex with more than one person does NOT make you a slut, or a guy a “stud”

    Admitting you have sex does NOT make you a slut

  • vchorseguy

    Never have sex with someone you wouldn’t be seen with in public.