As you may recall, prom (or “Is It Presumptuous To Put A Condom In My Wallet? Evening”) is one of the most absurdly chocked-up nights of a human being’s life, superseded only by every single New Year’s Eve in your twenties. And it’s only getting worse! With the steady climb of promposal ridiculousness now featuring accessories like new pets and IRL firefighters, kids these days* are looking for inventive ways to convince one another that prom will essentially be every holiday of the year combined into one sexy, wild night where everyone can showcase just how unique their futures are.
Enter: KFC chicken corsages. Yes, you read that right. I wrote “chicken corsages,” because that is what KFC has invented.
For prom 2014, the fried chicken giant teamed up with Louisville, Kentucky florist Nanz & Kraft to create chicken corsages that carnivorous romantics with few social skills can pop onto their dates’ wrists. Each of these costs a whole $20 plus shipping, making it even more unclear as to why anybody would get these–seriously, couldn’t you just order a bucket if you actually eat KFC chicken and then save the last to tie onto your date?–but I am sure somebody will do it. Probably 100 people, in fact, which is exactly how many they are selling.
Now, I’ve had a bit of a soft spot for KFC since I won their ‘Most Chicken Tender Moment Performance’ tweet award during the 2014 Oscars, potentially because I never feel remotely funny on Twitter except during awards season. But even with that, this whole “chicken corsage” thing is something I cannot get behind. Check out the commercial, which is essentially what I assume fast food ads would look like if they were directed by Wes Anderson:
Listen, kids: I love your creativity. And I love chicken, as a matter of fact. That said, this is food poisoning waiting to happen, and prom is kind of the worst place to get food poisoning because everybody’s in the bathroom already and it’s just a whole mess of awfulness.
*I love and hate that I get to use this phrase now.