Sorry Internet, But It’s Not OK To Make Penis Jokes About Someone’s Alleged Suicide Attempt

andre johnson

Just when you start to think it’s a slow news day, you come across a headline on CNN that simply states, “Rapper Andre Johnson severs penis, jumps off building, but survives.” This world we live in? It’s a fascinating place.

If you’re not familiar, Johnson is a performer best known for working with the Wu-Tang Clan and his own rap group, Northstar, and he sometimes goes by Andre Roxx or his slightly less tactful stage name, Christ Bearer. According to police, Johnson jumped off a building in North Hollywood, California this morning in an apparent suicide attempt, just moments after cutting off his own penis. CNN reports that he “was seriously injured, but survived the fall from the second level of the building” and that he was taken to a hospital “along with his recovered penis.” The much more reliable TMZ paraphrases an alleged witness of the event who said something along the lines of, “By the time [the witnesses] raced downstairs, Christ Bearer was already up and running around, screaming incoherently.”

Wow. It’s kind of hard not to joke about this story, since a) it’s really scary and overwhelming to think about something like this if you don’t make light of it at all, b) the headlines all sound too absurd to be about a real person’s real pain, and c) it involves a penis. But, uh, I’m worried that the whole internet is going to do exactly what I’m (hypocritically) doing right now: get too caught up in the bizarre details and forget that this is likely a story about someone’s suicide attempt, and that Johnson may have been influenced by mental illness or addiction.

This story is unsettling and uncomfortable, so it will certainly produce a lot of nervous jokes… but here’s hoping that Johnson makes a full recovery, gets whatever help he needs, and is completely unaware of whatever the Twitterverse is conjuring up right now.

Via CNN / Photo: YouTube

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    • Kaitlin Reilly

      Very strange story. This man definitely needs help, and hopefully this will be how he gets it.

    • Charles Borner

      I’m going to disagree about penis jokes. What happened to this guy is horrible.
      Gallows humor is a way that some people deal with this sort of thing. No, it ISN’T funny. But it IS a coping mechanism.

      This reminds me of a patient I took care of about 15 years ago. Poor guy had stopped taking his meds and had a psychotic break. He gouged out an eye, then passed out.

      He woke up lucid, saw what he’d done to himself, snapped again and tried to take off his entire genital region (not just the penis) with a kitchen knife. He passed out again, woke up lucid again, and snapped again and finished the job, flushing the “remains” down the garbage disposal. In another lucid moment, he called 911.

      I hope Johnson is able to get the psych care he so desperately needs.

    • Log halfchop

      1. He paid his medical bills in cash, told the surgeon “keep the tip”

      2. Fortunately he survived and is asleep in the ER right now sawing logs

      3. Witnesses said “after we wrestled the knife out of his hand, we weren’t sure if he had the balls to jump”

      4. Wu-Tang Clan members say he is still a Baller in their opinion

      5. He used to be a member of the Wu-Tang Clan but now he’s just a “half member”

      6. Now when the Wu-Tang Clan performs, he just watches from the audience. People don’t even recognize him. In fact, at the last concert he attended, an usher asked him “can I see your stub”

      7. I’ve heard of a “half assed” suicide attempt…

      8. Witnesses stated “he didn’t strike me as the type of guy to jump off a building, he must’ve just lost his head”

      9. Another eyewitness said, “we didn’t think he would jump, he just sort of ran off half cocked”

      10. Immediately following the incident, members of the Wu-Tang were interviewed and enjoyed some free publicity. All except Method Man, he got the shaft.

      11. His girlfriend was so relieved to find him alive. She told reporters the last time she saw him, he was at the bar being a huge dick so they cut him off.

      12. His agent turned it into a positive and got him an advertising deal:
      “snap into a slim Jim”

      13. He was a big fella. When he hit the ground it registered a 3.2 on the circumcisemograph

      14. It’s hard to make a name for yourself in rap. Many artists take the leap and come up short.

      15. Eyewitnesses stated
      “The knife must’ve been too dull, because he kept cutting and cutting before he decided it was all in vein”

      16. He was rushed to the hospital for an emergency addadicktome… It wasn’t long before they were done

      17. The operation took over two hours and when the surgeon was finished he proclaimed, alright that’s enough dicking around

      18. police questioned him about what happened but he just sat there stumped

      19. Authorities charged him with violating the Penal Code… His lawyer took the case pro bono stating “there is no way I can blow this”

    • Marty McFly

      How about if we make “alleged” jokes, then?
      You exercise your First Amendment Rights and leave the rest of us to do the same, ‘kay?

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    • Awful Read

      I don’t think you’ll survive in a typical developing country where everyone jokes to lighten up the tragedy/misfortune/etcetera. My guess is that you’ll break for being too offended every damn time.

      This is what I call the result of our country’s hypersensitivity and unwarranted indignation. Instead of whining and taking offense on behalf of someone else, why not actually do something productive like volunteering on a psych hospital where you can actually make a difference?

      P.S. Yes, you’re a hypocrite. Your article reads like it was written by an immature person who has no real life experience to show for. Unless you’ve worked in a psych hospital, you have no say on how people deal with these situations, ‘kay?