Cate is something of a renaissance sex worker and has held numerous interesting jobs in the adult industry. Each week, she shares her stories in Harlotry.
I’ve been a sex worker for six years–my entire adult life–and much of that has been full-service work. To put it in civilian terms, I’ve sucked and fucked a lot of dick for varying numbers of dollars, and this has allowed me to pretty much totally devalue sex. This is not to say that sex isn’t potentially awesome, oh boy is it ever, but I don’t feel that it’s in any way special or sacred. It’s just another potentially fun activity you can do with people.
Last week, I wrote about how my work has affected my feelings about fidelity. I’ve gotten to a point where I find it nearly impossible to find fault with a garden variety client-provider relationship, let alone see it as true infidelity. I’m pretty sure this feeling isn’t related to some submerged guilt at my own complicity in many of my clients’ infidelities; instead, it likely stems from the fact that I’ve gotten to a point in my personal life where physical infidelity doesn’t really count to me unless there’s some kind of emotional involvement.
Granted, I’ve never put a lot of value on sex. I grew up with the same messages about purity and the Madonna/whore dichotomy that every woman gets in Western society. You know, all the regular cultural shit that tries to sublimate the awesome glory of female sexuality. Just like most girls, I was told that my virginity was special and sex was special and the first time I decide to sleep with someone, I should make sure I love them. This never made a lot of sense to me, especially since I also heard lots of horror stories about how crappy losing your virginity is. Wouldn’t it make more sense to just get it over with?
So when I was fifteen, I decided to lose my virginity. I selected a guy and decided to seduce him. I was hardly pure as the driven snow (I’d already been fooling around with girls for a year when I decided that taking the plunge with heterosexual intercourse was the way to go), and I ended up actually having a really good time. After that, I really didn’t get what the big deal was. Sex was awesome, sure, but it definitely wasn’t some kind of magical thing that somehow bonded two people for life or anything.