There is a general consensus that Johnny Depp is an attractive person, despite putting in a considerable amount of effort to look like a greasy weirdo that never sees the sun. He makes the blondest sorority girls swoon for man jewelry and eyeliner, and the fact that he can still play a sex symbol after being the unquestioned poster child for Tim Burton freaky-deakydom really says something about his range. His most iconic roles, from Captain Jack Sparrow and Edward Scissorhands to Crybaby, all sport hairstyles full of grease and crazy. But Johnny Depp runs a pretty strange hair game in real life, too.
In the face of overwhelming evidence— tinted glasses, neck beard, greasy bangs, fedoras— Johnny Depp is still a sexy dude. He landed Winona Ryder, Kate Moss, Vanessa Paradis, and noted babe Amber Heard. With these hilariously bad haircuts. If that doesn’t prove the man has sex appeal, I don’t know what does.
A look back at the good, the bad, and the blonde of JD’s WTF hair.
The 2 Kewl Dad
If he spent half the time plucking the white hairs out of his creepstache that he spent gelling his hair, this look might work.
The Gilbert Grape
WTF because who looks this majestic with locks this long? One of the few times Johnny Depp rocked the same style for a role and in real life. And he still became a sex symbol.
He’s like a young, greasy Simba.
The Center Parted Zoolander
There is only one man that can pull off the center part, and that was Leonardo Dicaprio in Romeo + Juliet. No one else. Ever.
The Cruella Deville
This what happens when you abuse Sun-In and fall asleep on your side. And think shampoo is a ploy by Big Pharma.
The Cruella ala Mode
Is the hat deliberately crooked? Were soul patches sexy in 2000? Is Rogue his favorite X Men character? So many questions.
The Tousled Trendsetter
You can almost see him gazing into the future, realizing Pharrel is totally going to cop his style.
The 1999 Thirteen Year Old
Remember when Mariah Carey was popular, and you’d pull two pieces out of your ponytail, coat them in gel, and feel like the hottest bitch in school? JD did it too, in 2004.
The “I Woke Up Like This”
You think it might be a look until you notice the patchy cheek fur.
The Short Hair Magazine Cover
If this style is familiar, it’s because you’ve seen it on the frosted tip cover model of your local SuperCuts poster.
The Aaron Samuels
Doesn’t he look sexy with his hair pushed back? No, no he does not.
Did a stylist arrange the earpieces under the fedora? Or is it just innate at this point?
The Greasy Modelizer
Does it count as WTF if you managed to bang Kate Moss with this style?
The Something About Mary
I don’t want to know what he used for hair gel.
I have to say that even after compiling this list, I wouldn’t say no to Johnny. Kudos to you, sir, for becoming a major movie star with the hygienic abilities of someone’s weird, hippie brother. I salute you. And your many, many fedoras.