The Kentucky Derby is next weekend, and we have just enough time to prepare. There is bourbon to be purchased, ice to be made, mint to be bruised, and hats to be worn.
If you are a boring old American and not Kate Middleton or another fancy British lady, the Kentucky Derby is probably the only real hat-wearing event you see all year, and that’s a real shame. But it’s what we’ve got, so we should make a go of it, with all the bourbon and all the hats we can muster.
While compiling the admittedly disastrous list of the most WTF hats of Etsy, I was surprised to see just how good Etsy hats can actually be. There are some really wearable pieces of headgear on that site, once you sift through all the weird baby hats and My Little Pony memorabilia. Some of them are crazy expensive, but they were so cute I had to include them anyways, even if just for style inspiration.
So here are 10 actually cute hats from Etsy that will make you look like Kate Middleton at your Kentucky Derby Party:
Kate’s Dulwich Hat
This is actually a copy of a hat owned by Kate Middleton, recognized master hat-wearer of the world. The swoop of the quill is bold and dramatic, for a nice bit of flair on an otherwise subdued and adamantly tasteful chapeau.
Girl Fabulosity $110
Remember how amazing Dita Von Teese looked in her towering orchid hat at the fancy lady races last summer? No one has ever gone wrong by copying Dita Von Teese.
Athena Flower Crown
Why is Coachella over!? This is the first actually cool flower crown we’ve seen. All the other girls would be looking like they shopped at Urban Outfitters, while you would look like you stole your crown from Titania, Queen of the Fairies. (Or at least Vanessa Hudgens.)
Mystic Magic Masks $53.56
I love this one because it’s small and petite, yet over-the-top in a Marie-Antoinette sort of way. At $23 it’s economical enough for an occasional piece. Like what your grandmother would call a conversation piece, but on top of your head.
How chic is this thing? We should all be wearing this everywhere, maybe with capes.
Laurel Wreath Tiara
Fuck it, I want a tiara. It is not fair that Kate Middleton gets to wear tiaras and the rest of us do not. Let’s start with this one and move on to the diamonds later.
Black Couture Hat
This laser-cut hat has the classic silhouette of a boater, but updated and ultra-modern. Back in the days when people wore hats all the time, we’d collect hats like this the way some people collect shoes. People should really wear hats more often. It’s such a shame that they don’t.
Nautical Sailboat Fascinator
I am deeply enamored of the big swoop of that feather.
Biretta and Busby $153.85
Crystal Pink Fascinator Headpiece
This is brilliant in its quirkiness. If Anna Dello Russo can wear a giant pair of cherries on top of her head and be the queen of fashion week, you can certainly wear a big pair of knitting needles and win the Kentucky Derby.
Mystic Magic Masks $88.11
(Photos: As linked above)