Close your eyes and think back to the 2014 Oscars. Once you’re done picturing the gorgeous gowns, trying to remember how John Travolta would pronounce your name according to that one Buzzfeed quiz, and getting pissed that American Hustle didn’t win costume design, I want you to picture a certain scenario. 1) An A-lister is super wasted, and 2) another A-lister is judging her for it. Who’s who?
It’s not inconceivable that you would fill the first slot with the name Jennifer Lawrence, what with her habit of falling down, photobombing, and accidentally flashing her middle finger at ceremonies past, so you’re half right. But what if I told you that the sober, dignified witness– the one who allegedly told JLaw to “get it together”– was Miley Cyrus?
Jennifer is set to appear on an upcoming episode of Late Night With Seth Meyers, and according to someone in the audience who has loose lips and some kind of connection to Us Weekly, repeated the whole drunken story to the tabloid. According to the source,
She was so drunk, she puked on the stairs at Madonna’s after-party, and Miley walked by and said something like, ‘Get it together, girl!’
I love it. I hope every word of this is true. I also hope Jennifer was no longer wearing her scarlet peplum gown (or the sparkly Tom Ford dress she wore to the Vanity Fair party), since she has a history of mistreating designer clothes, and Dior and upchuck just don’t mix.
Can’t you just see Miley in her pot leaf jumpsuit looking on disapprovingly while a respected nominee blows chunks? In their coverage of this wacky story, Vanity Fair describes the rando casting of Miley as the straight-laced sober friend as “basically a Mad Libs story where every blank was filled in by Giuliana Rancic.” Too perfect. That sums it up.
Via Us Weekly / Photo: Getty Images