Mark your calendars, ladies and gentleman, because Mariah Carey‘s 14th album is set to hit stores on May 27th. She tweeted the details of the album including some heavily photoshopped album art, and let’s just say I’m in a bit of a tizzy over it all, as I tend to be when it comes to Carey.
The album, titled, splendiferously, “Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse” features a full body shot on the cover and a self portrait drawn by Mariah as a child on the back. I’m not sure which rendering is a less accurate approximation of a human.
Carey obviously underwent some serious Photoshop for this front image, but I suppose you’d want to look your best in a crochet swimsuit in front of a Windows 99 screen saver. Changes to her person aside, that pose has me getting all kinds of achy in my hip region. There’s no way a human person with normal joints could get themselves into that act pose, and she looks a little bit like Gumby drenched in bronzer. Those legs are not human. They are made of gummy worms.
The cover of the deluxe edition (The Chanteuse, But This Time Even MORE Elusive!) is a similar Photoshop hack job. This lovely photo of what must be a Mariah Carey impersonator seems like an odd choice for the cover, but hey, what do I know? Most of those features don’t even look they were ever hers, but the team behind this image simply inserted somebody else’s nose, mouth, eyebrows, and also face.
And for good measure, here’s that self-portrait she drew as a child.
While it appears that this version also seems to have Gumby’s limbs, it might win the day when it comes to accurate representations. Carey should fire her Photoshop team and just draw herself from now on. It can’t be any less-human looking than that cover.