What The Way You Sit Says About You, According To A Playboy From 1969

Playboy April 1969

If you come over to my apartment for a glass of wine or a card game, chances are you’ll spend some time flipping through at least one piece of my somewhat sizable collection of vintage magazines. Even if you don’t want to, I’ll make you! They’re like two dimensional time capsules that reflect the true attitudes and aesthetics of decades passed. The jewel of my collection is probably my copy of Life from December 19, 1969 with Charles Manson on the cover, but we’ll talk about that another day.

As a staunch feminist and a huge pervert who loves pictures of boobies and interesting articles, issues of Playboy from the 1950s through the 1970s are among my favorite retro glossies to hoard and pore over. Quite unlike a teenage boy ashamed of his newfound masturbatory material, I’m open about my sexy mags. So open, in fact, that I’d like to have a show-and-tell right now.

Let’s take a peek at this delightful little article from the April 1969 issue of Playboy entitled “The Language of Legs.” It’s quite sexist and objectifying in a distinctly 1969 sort of way.
firstIf this article were a blog post in 2014, it would be called “What your girlfriend’s seating position says about her.” For the purposes of this blog post, we’re going to put this thing down, flip it and reverse it: “What the way you sit says about you according to a late sixties Playboy.”
spread Let’s go over each seating position to find out what we’re really like. schemerIs this how you sit? With your legs crossed and your shoe dangling off of your foot? You’re a Schemer. Dudes are going to pretend they’re worse at games than you are in order to win the game between your legs! conformist If you curl one leg under the other, you’re a Conformist. You like being bossed around by dudes who sneak up on you at parties.
perfectionist

Perfectionists cross their legs and wind their top foot around the bottom ankle. If you’re this kind of sitter, dudes are going to act as pathetic as possibly as a ruse to get you to like them in a sex way.
social

So you only cross your ankles? Perhaps you picked that habit up at the Smith College: School for Social Work, you Social Worker. Just kidding, Smithies would never want to be with “helpless” manipulators who use their selflessness and sympathy for sexual gain. emancipated womanIf you sit like a like a pretzel with your thighs apart, everyone knows you’re an Emancipated Woman. Get some idiot to take you on an Island vacation, because you can.
philanthropist

Who knew that all it takes to be considered a Philanthropist is sitting without crossing your legs? All Philanthropists are sluts!

Photos: Playboy, April 1969

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    • Valerie

      Can we please be friends so I can peruse your collection of old timey boob magazines? Seriously. I love vintage magazines.

      • Joanna Rafael

        I’d love to show you more from my collection. Would you like to see more Playboy? Some Life Magazine? Perhaps a 1960s Mademoiselle?

      • Valerie

        OMG, they all sound amazing! Where do you pick them up? My grandma has tons of old Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal that I love to look thru but no Playboy (dammit, Grandma!)

      • Joanna Rafael

        Oooh! I should try to find some old Good Housekeeping and LAdies Home Journals. I bet they’re full of fascinating stuff. I mostly go through junk shops and thrift stores, but I have turned to the internet to seek out specific issues! Once I really dodged a bullet by opting out of buying about 50 vintage Playboys at the last minute from a man on craigslist who turned out to be SCARY.

    • Lindsey Conklin

      Oh I am the emancipated woman haha

      • Joanna Rafael

        I’m a conformist//emancipated woman.

    • malaentuvida

      I’m a Schemer/Philanthropist which I find hilarious but not completely inaccurate.

    • Kay_Sue

      Okay, I am a textbook perfectionist who sits like that so often that people actually remark on how weird it is….but arousing my sympathies does absolutely the opposite to my sex drive. Here’s hoping my partner never runs across this site….

    • Rauza Rakhim

      hahaha i love to sit cross legged but i never sit like that in a club or a bar!! WTF!